Author Archives: dan g.

Spooned & Spotted (Germany): Unicorn Froot Loops Cereal

Kellogg's German Unicorn Froot Loops Cereal Review Box

The unicorn virus…it’s spreading.

When the cotton candied Pepto-Bismol known as the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino hit the U.S. earlier this year, kicking off a pink food pandemic that would infect everything from cupcakes to bagels, I thought it would be a purely American phenomenon. After all, it speaks to two of our country’s biggest passions: cryptozoology and colorful sugar.

(I’m still waiting for the Loch Ness Monster Frappuccino. Our underwater ally deserves to be submerged in whipped cream!)

But no, as Kellogg Germany’s new Unicorn Froot Loops prove, the eponymous horned horse has the ability to migrate across seas—despite lacking wings or gills. Maybe it bummed a ride off a pegasus. This limited edition cereal is, predictably, causing a buzz across the internet (and more than just the sugar rush kind), but I wanted to know how it actually tastes. So I sought out the help of the only cereal-loving German I know: Continue reading

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Spooned & Spotted (UK): Special K Peach & Apricot Cereal

Kellogg's Special K Peach & Apricot Cereal

A post shared by Run By Two Identical Twins (@productsinstore) on

Peach is one of those cereal tastes we just don’t see enough. Rarer than other fruity flavors like coconut and banana, but more common than some of my nonexistent dream flavors like gingerbread, cheesecake, or zucchini bread (my imagination shoots for the stars), peach has seen just a couple cobbled-together cereals in its history. There have been a couple Honey Bunches varieties and a Quaker Real Medleys variety, but that’s about it.

Oh, and Special K Peach & Apricot, a cereal that appeared in the United Kingdom about 5 years ago and is now gracing shelves once more, thanks to the above journalistic photo kindly shared by Instagram friends @Productsinstore.

This cereal is far simpler than Special K’s recent U.S. debuts, which include clusters and yogurt clusters and whatever other sweet mix-ins it takes to convince Americans to put down the Cookie Crisp for a change. No, Special K Peach & Apricot only includes classic Special K whole wheat and barley flakes with two kinds of dried fruit: peaches and apricots (who would’ve guessed?)

I always like to share international cereal photos when it leaves me drooling half a world away. As someone who will likely never taste an apricot in his cereal bowl without the help of a Trader Joe’s run and a food dehydrator, I’m glad someone out there is getting to chomp on one of the only apricot cereals to ever exist. If you’ve tried it, let me know how it is in the comments.

In the words of Michael Scott: “Apricot. Made of real apes!”

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Review: Nature’s Path Love Crunch Dark Chocolate Macaroon Cereal

Nature's Path Organic Love Crunch Dark Chocolate Macaroon Cereal Review – Box

In this era of snarky infographics and predacious BuzzFeedian BuzzFoodies, it’s hard for anyone to mistake the difference between a macaroon and a French macaron anymore—though I’d argue that it’s much easier to confuse the French macaron with French president Emmanuel Macron.

Yes, everyone, their grandma, and their hyperintelligent pet ape who will one day overthrow humanity or at least star in a memorable sitcom knows that a macaroon is a shredded and toasted mound of sweet, sweet coconut, while a macaron is an ethereal pastel hamburger made of almond flour, powdered sugar, and filling pipetted with the care of a hummingbird whisperer.

And even though I knew this, just like Caesar, I’m still upset that Nature Path’s newest Love Crunch Cereal is Dark Chocolate Macaroon and not Dark Chocolate Macaron. Yes, that cereal would probably just taste like Chocolate Cheerios, but it’s the principle of the thing! I want colorfully crunchy cereal sliders so small White Castle would sell them by the Crave Catamaran!

But fine: I’ll sop up my tears with a bowl of this expensive, though likely delicious Love Crunch Cereal. Despite costing $4 and containing hardly enough cereal per box to feed a hummingbird whisperer’s daily clientele, the first Love Crunch Cereal I tried blew me—nay, propelled me—away with raw sumptuousness.

Now that I’ve got a safety net behind, let’s get with the propelling, Dark Chocolate Macaroon! Continue reading

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News: Banana Nut Cheerios Cereal is Returning for 2017!

Banana Nut Cheerios

(Image via General Mills. Note: this is an old box photo, as the new one hasn’t been released yet.)

It would be so, so easy to make a “going nuts” joke to open this review, but that would be too easy. I’ll hold off, because I know it would make you all go bananas.

Whoops.

But whichever gastronomical idiom you use to express your excitement, there’s plenty to be giddy about. Even after gifting us delicious new apple cinnamon and mocha cereals, as well as the sure-to-be-delicious-because-c’mon-just-look-at-them Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites doughnut holes, General Mills is treating cereal fans like spoiled grandkids once more by bringing back Banana Nut Cheerios, a fan-favorite variety that lasted from 2009 until late 2015.

Thanks to a tip from our friend Steffen (who has a great site about foreign cereals, if you have a translator ready), the above press release confirmed that the cult favorite Cheerios were returning to shelves.

We love you, Grandma Mills: you always did make the best banana bread.

Which is interesting, because while banana nut and banana bread are similara flavors, I don’t consider them exactly the same. It will be fun to see (and taste) whether the revival of Banana Nut Cheerios is exactly the same as before, or if it draws inspiration from Canada’s delightfully dense and ripe Banana Bread Shreddies.

Or maybe they’ll just subvert all expectations and make them taste like a peanut butter banana sandwich. Speaking of which…hey General Mills, people did love your discontinued Peanut Butter Cheerios. Hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge.

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Review: Nature’s Path Love Crunch Dark Chocolate & Peanut Butter Cereal

Nature's Path Organic Love Crunch Dark Chocolate & Peanut Butter Cereal Review – Box

These ain’t your kid brother’s Reese’s Puffs.

No, while the most famous chocolate and peanut butter cereal is a sugary smorgasbord of twinkling cocoa spheres, downright pedestrian peanut butter puffs, and the persistent spirit of a million Saturday morning memories, the granola gourmands at Nature’s Path have conspired in their organically all-natural gluten-free ivory tower to produce a choco-nutty cereal with class.

“Look at those pithy Puffs,” one doubtlessly said. “They’re all the same. We’re capitalists, for GORP’s sake: we need a hierarchy!

Thus, Love Crunch Dark Chocolate & Peanut Butter Organic Cereal was born, ready for the well-mouthed silver spoons of people who can afford $4 boxes of cereal. This new Love Crunch line of flake ‘n’ cluster foodstuffs also includes Dark Chocolate & Red Berries and Dark Chocolate Macaroon, but my ennui about fruity cereals and boycotting of macaroons until we get a French macaron cereal made my first flavor choice obvious.

And really, how could I lose, when all 3 flavors contain weirdly specific fair trade Italian dark chocolate that Nature’s Path probably impulsively bought like it was Milo’s Egyptian cotton? Real chocolate chunks are like a cheat code for cereals. But I digress: let’s ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A START this review. Continue reading

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News: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites are Coming Soon to the Freezer Aisle. And Your Stomach!

(Image via General Mills)

I go nuts, you go nuts, we all go nuts for bite-sized, Cinnamon Toast Crunch-encrusted doughnuts!

General Mills formally announced their new summer product lineup yesterday, and while all the traditional cereals mentioned, like Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Blueberry Chex, have already been on shelves long enough for me to shamefully eat a family of family-sized boxes, one frozen novelty somehow avoided early distribution or online news leakage: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites!

Coming soon to grocery freezer aisles, Cinnamon Toast Crunch are soft, cinnamon sugar-dusted doughnut holes filled with cinnamon filling that turns warm and gooey when heated. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a Cinnamon Toast Crunch doughnut, and it’s not the first time we’ve seen a filled cinnamon doughnut hole—these seem like a spiritual successor to Taco Bell’s Cinnabon Delights.

But it is the first time we’ve been able to savor sweet, doughy cinnamon swirls in every bite within 30 seconds of open packaging. That’s how long it takes to make a Cinnamon Toast Crunch bite in the microwave, an I’m thankful.

Because that’s just enough time to scarf down an appetizer bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in anticipation.

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Review: Frosted Cinnamon Roll Shredded Wheat Cereal

Post Frosted Cinnamon Roll Shredded Wheat Cereal Review Box

Let me ask you a question I believe Socrates himself once pondered: what is the difference between a cinnamon roll and a cinnamon bun?

Google seems to think there isn’t one, but my heart tells me otherwise. To me, a cinnamon roll could mean anything from a half-eaten Cinnabon dropped on an airport floor to a half-eaten hunk of raw Pillsbury cinnamon roll dough, noshed straight out of the tube. A cinnamon bun, on the other hand, exudes homemade quality and must be baked with care. A cinnamon bun must be given the same craftsmanship as a sourdough loaf or an artisan pretzel bun.

Don’t believe me that cinnamon buns are raised with love? When’s the last time you heard a pregnant woman say “I’ve got a roll in the oven”?

Exactly. And this whole bun/roll rigamarole is further proved by Frosted Cinnamon Roll Shredded Wheat, one of three new Post cereals—alongside Mixed Berry and S’Mores—that tries revitalizing Shredded Wheat’s reputation of being about as flavorful as sand-dusted burlap. Frosted Cinnamon Roll attempts to turn wheat into treat by adding cinnamon sugar frosting and a filling of vanilla chips, but let’s just say there’s a good reason this cereal isn’t called “Frosted Cinnamon Bun Shredded Wheat.”

To quote the eminent wordsmith Will.i.am: “Where is the love?” Continue reading

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The Return of Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca!

Good news! You no longer have to read my obscure analogies or tolerate my painfully obtuse adjectives (like painfully obtuse, for example) in order to get all the latest cereal news!

Yes, you, me, and my thesaurus alike are rejoicing now that cereal record-keeper Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series is back on the virtual airwaves. If you’re not familiar with the series’ storied legacy, its videos each detail a different cereal’s own storied history. It was a fun and nostalgic watch for a long time, but 6 months ago, Gabe put it on indefinite (but still cliffhanging) hiatus.

After a cosmically uncertain transition period, the 2017 cereal world is ready to welcome Gabe and Cereal Time back from the time-traveling beyond. How about we celebrate its glorious return the same way we used to: by watching the latest episodes together, writing too much about them, and having you skip my blabbering to get to the next one? Continue reading

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