Category Archives: News

2018 Cereal Preview: Peach Cheerios, Lucky Charms Frosted Flakes, & Shreds (x2!)

The future is now!

Scientists have apparently perfected time travel…but only a couple months into the future…and, uh, they apparently can only bring back cereal: not any lottery numbers, sports almanacs, or whatever cryptocurrency is most valuable at the time (CrunchCoin?).

Okay maybe not, but breakfast wormholes are the only logical explanation for how the wonderful fellas at MyCountyMarket got ahold of not I, not II, and not III, but IV (allegedly: none are confirmed) upcoming cereals from General Mills—cereals so exciting and new that I’m cancelling the New Year’s Resolutions I haven’t even made yet.*

Let’s take a gander at our soon-to-be-spooned pantry-stuffers, shall we?

*UPDATE: MyCountryMarket’s video has been removed for reasons unknown.

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News: Rugrats Reptar Cereal Lands at FYE (with Rick & Morty Cereal!)

Rugrats Reptar Cereal

Whether you’re stuck in the playpen, off vacationing in Paris, or making pudding at 4am because you’ve lost control of your life, you’ve got to love Reptar—after all, he’s a lizard with a heart of gold.

And now you can eat breakfast with him, as FYE is debuting an exclusive, Rugrats-branded Reptar Cereal, alongside those famous tongue-tinting Reptar Bars.

Of course, this Froot Loops lookalike isn’t the first Rugrats cereal, or even the second, but it’s a much-needed bowlful of edible ’90s nostalgia that I think we all need in this climate. So if you want to sit back, wear something with a Memphis print, and pop in a VHS of Rugrats Go Wild (featuring The Wild Thornberries, of course), head on over to FYE.

And if modern cartoons are more your speed, FYE is also carrying Strawberry Smiggles, as seen in Rick & Morty. I know very little about the show, but from what I do know about its loyal fans, you’ll want to get to FYE before the crowds come back from disappointed, empty-handed and ready to star another Szechuan Sauce CriSauce.

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News: Holiday Cereals – Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs & Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms

Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs Cereal Holiday

(Image via General Mills)liday

Merry October, everyone!

I love seeing all my favorite holiday decorations out on lawns already: the jack-o-lanterns people put on top of their trees, Rudolph the Red-Eyed Werewolf, and Santa’s iconic wife: Mrs. Freddy Krueger.

To celebrate the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Krampus Day/general merriment season that is totally already here, General Mills is already shipping out two new holiday cereals to Target and other stores.

First is Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs. Consider this one filed away in my “How The Heck Did This Not Happen 10 Years Ago” drawer: marshmallows and Cocoa Puffs seems like a no-brainer, especially after the deliciousness of Count Chocula and Chocolate Lucky Charms. Cocoa Puffs Treats cereal bars have blended Sonny’s choco-corn orbs (chocorbs, for short) with fluffy sugar before to great success, so I’m glad to finally see it come full circle.

Err, full snowball marshmallow, I mean.

No word on whether the Puffs here will be flavored different to match the smoky richness of real hot cocoa, but considering how my childhood self used to stupidly think hot cocoa was made by microwaving chocolate milk, Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs have to at least be better than that. Though I may try microwaving them. Continue reading

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News: Cap’n Crunch’s Freedom Crunch is Coming Soon, for Some Reason

Cap'n Crunch's Freedom Crunch Cereal Box

(Image via Quaker)

(Important Update: Cap’n Crunch himself has alerted me that this is not a real cereal hitting shelves. It was a scrapped concept never meant to be seen online. I’ll leave this post up for history’s sake, but know that you won’t be crunching into a bowl of AmeriCrunch any time soon.)

I’m not here to extrapolate on Cap’n Crunch’s political views—after he saved the Earth’s supply of Crunchium in the Volcanica at the Earth’s molten core, I know he’s a humanitarian, and that’s enough for me.

So here’s my completely non-partisan take on Freedom Crunch, the newest Cap’n Crunch variety, coming soon: it’s red, white, and blue Crunchberries, and that sounds delicious. I would like to eat it, because I believe that it would taste good. For breakfast. With milk.

That is all. Thanks for reading!

In all seriousness, I don’t know why Cap’n Crunch is debuting such a patriotic cereal in a non-major election year, so far from 4th of July. But hey: I guess Quaker had to use the Crunchberry colors they already have, and ‘Merica-themed made more sense than Swirly Toothpaste or Barbershop Pole Crunch.

No word yet on when this cereal is hitting shelves—maybe we won’t see it ’til Independence Day—but until then, I can admire the gorgeously drawn, saluting eagle, and see if I can buy a flagpole small enough to hoist a cardboard box above my kitchen table.

It’s just too bad they didn’t release this two years ago—could have called them “Crunch Barries.”

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News: Kellogg’s Donut Shop Chocolate Donut Cereal is Coming Soon!

Kellogg's Donut Shop Chocolate Donut Cereal Box

(Image via Kellogg’s)

Somewhere out there, in whatever crunchy, cosmic Valhalla awaits discontinued cereals, Cap’n Crunch’s Choco Donuts weeps.

See, Kellogg’s is debuting a new Donut Shop Chocolate Donut Cereal, and it reminds me of the Cap’n’s long-discontinued and much-beloved chocolate pastry cereal from the early 2000s (its full name: Oops! Choco Donuts, as if that was anything but the happiest accident).

Sure, Kellogg’s version, which has a gorgeously Pepto-Bismol pink, family-sized box, may lack the Cap’n’s sprinkles, and sure, the Cap’n still has Sprinkled Donut Crunch to rival or mix with this, but it still does feel like a low blow to the Cap’n’s dearly departed doughnuts (that’s the correct way to spell it, ugh), whom I’m sure he misses like a edible, frosted children that went to study abroad in Rome and never came back.

At least, I like to tell myself that there’s still a box of Choco Donuts hidden somewhere beneath the Colosseum.

No word yet on when Kellogg’s Chocolate Donut Cereal will hit shelves—or whether it’ll just taste like Cocoa Puffs or cream-less Oreo O’s—but I like to remain hyper-optimistic: if “Chocolate Donut” is just one variety of a wider “Donut Shop” brand, maybe we’ll finally get the world’s first Sour Cream Donut Cereal.

Too ridiculous? Fine, I’ll settle for Boston Cream.

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News: Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal is Coming Soon!

Gingerbread Life Cereal – Quaker Spiced Multigrain Box

(Image via Quaker)

DAYS SINCE LIFE-CHANGING CEREAL INCIDENT: 0

It’s been a while since I had to change that sign, but this news seals it. Limited Edition Gingerbread Spice Life Multigrain Cereal is coming this holiday season, which, seeing how people prepare for winter celebration, means a box of Gingerbread Life it should have been in my pantry two weeks ago, sandwiched between Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cinnamon Frosted Flakes to make a crunchy speculoos sandwich.

Speaking of which, I have a history with gingerbread cereal—or at least with fanatically wanting it. A search on my site reveals how big of a gingerbread fanman I am, and I’ve always thought that Cinnamon Toast Crunch would adopt the flavor first (if anyone ever did), due to their reputation for holiday cereals tasty enough to open your third eye and hang mistletoe from the lashes.

Life Cereal was one of the last brands I’d expect to release a naturally flavored gingerbread cereal—right alongside Crispix, Froot Loops, and Fiber One—but seeing how well they spiced Pumpkin Spice Life, I’m willing to give old man Quaker the benefit of the doubt. Seriously: the only thing on the line is the crushingly weighty anticipation built up slowly over decades of my life. That’s it. No pressure.

While I wait for Gingerbread Spice Life to hit shelves, I think I need to add something new to my cereal bucket list. Almost all my dream flavors have now existed as cereals: maple, PB&J, and now gingerbread. I’ll just have to pick something so obscure and impossible that it’ll never happen and I can wistfully dream about it forever.

Zucchini Bread Toast Crunch, anyone?

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News: “Classic Trix” is Making a Comeback!

Classic Trix Cereal Box 2017

(Image via General Mills)

Grab your HitClips, Heelys, and old retainer, because Classic Trix are making a comeback, and since Trix are for kids, you’ll have to act like a kid to eat them. Otherwise some neighborhood ragamuffins will swing through your kitchen on a cartoon vine, call you a silly rabbit, and make off with your raspberry red, lemony yellow, orangey orange, wildberry blue, grapity purple, and watermelon bounty.

On second thought, you might want to leave the dental gear behind. Wouldn’t want you to be stuck sipping Trix yogurt through a straw. Continue reading

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News: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios are Coming Soon!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios Cereal Box

(Image via General Mills)

By golly, someone is finally challenging Reese’s Puffs’ munch-worthy monopoly in the “chocolate and peanut butter cereal” market.

But wait…the call is coming…from inside the house?

Yes, instead of Kellogg’s, Post, or Quaker taking Reese’s Puffs head on with Chocolate Peanut Butter Krave, Pebbles, or…Corn Crunch, General Mills is just releasing another choco-PB cereal: the appropriately named Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios.

Dang, I would’ve preferred “Reese’s Doughnut Crunch.”

The only reason I can see for doing this is so that Reese’s Puffs have a thematically appropriate tag-team partner when Vince McMahon inevitably starts a Cereal Royal Rumble. My money is on Cap’n Crunch and Count Chocula, as they’ll doubtlessly just tear their opponent’s mouths to shreds.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheerios, which is flavored with real cocoa and peanut butter, isn’t the first time we’ve seen those respective flavors in Cheerios. We’ve had Chocolate Cheerios, Dark Chocolate Multigrain Cheerios, Peanut Butter Multigrain Cheerios, and plain ol’ Peanut Butter Cheerios (only abroad, with an appropriately nutty mascot). But this is the first time they’ve been paired together.

No word on when Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios will hit shelves, but I hope they debut alongside the return of Banana Nut Cheerios late this October, so I can mix them together and make a Bluth’s Frozen Elvis Banana Cereal.

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