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Review: Oreo O’s Cereal (2017)

Post American Oreo O's Cereal – 2017, from Walmart - Box

Oreo O’s are back in America. This is true.

So naturally, this review is going to be unnecessarily long and rambling—but spoiler alert: not in a good way. Before we get to that, though, I figure a crash course in Oreo O’s 1O1 is appropriate. I’ve already exhaustively covered the cereal’s history in last year’s review of imported Oreo O’s, so head there for all the textbook-worthy details, but here’s an IMDB-worthy synopsis:

In 1997, Oreo O’s blessed us with its authentic Oreo cookie flavor in creme-sprinkled chocolate cereal ring form. Then in 2007, when the world needed it most, Oreo O’s (which had marshmallows by this point) vanished…everywhere but South Korea, where you could buy it until 2014 and then again in 2016. It’s finally back in America, 10 years after hibernating, and you probably heard about it 10 times from BuzzFeed in the past 2 hours alone.

And while I can’t prove that I am the world’s biggest Oreo O’s fan, that hasn’t stopped me from calling Guinness about it. So since this is my favorite cereal, and since I’ve spent enough on the South Korean stuff to rent an Aruban timeshare, you’d think I’d be beyond geeked to see Oreo O’s back in their home turf. But I’m not geeked. Nor am I freaked, piqued, or as the kids probably no longer say, “on-fleeked.”

Why not? Because like a Scooby-Doo villain, these Oreo O’s are not what they seem. Continue reading

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Review: Honeycomb Cereal (Now with Bigger Flavor!)

Post Bigger Flavor Honeycomb Cereal Box

Not since Andre the Giant menacingly knocked on the Honeycomb Hideout’s window have I been so geeked to eat a bowl of Honeycomb cereal.

Sure, the stuff has had fun flavor iterations—Strawberry, Chocolate, Cinna-Graham—and it even briefly got “Twisted Marshmallows” 3 years back in a decades-late attempt to capitalize on the “X-Treme Snax” movement of the radical ’90s. But it has also progressively lost its flavor, as not one, but two ill-received formula changes in the early 2000s left Honeycomb a squishy and styrofoam-y compared to the golden-smacked Golden God it was before the turn of the century.

All that BIG HONEY TASTE Andre had roared about went to go live on a bee farm upstate, so to speak.

But this newly revamped Honeycomb boasts a “bigger flavor,” in a charming homage to those days when the cereal hung its hat on its humongous honey-ness. This change comes in the midst of a wider cereal flavor revolution, as Cocoa Puffs and Krave have added “50% more cocoa” and “more chocolate,” respectively. But while those two put an easy-to-measure qualifier on their taste changes, Honeycomb’s flavor is now simply “bigger,” which could either mean they added more honey or hired fatter bees.

Either way, I’m  going to try them while I wait for my Giant sideburns to grow in.  Continue reading

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News: Spider-Man Homecoming Cereal Boxes Swing Onto Canadian Shelves

Post Canadian Spider-Man Homecoming Cereal

Spider-Man. Spider-Man.
His cereal’s next to the Raisin Bran.

Beware, Canadian evil-doers: you can’t run from justice, even at breakfast, because Spider-Man is taking over Post cereal boxes to celebrate the launch of his upcoming Spider-Man Homecoming movie.

(Well, I guess criminals could just eat Honey Bunches of Oats exclusively, as the villainous Vulture has made that box his nest).

The boxes are hitting Canadian stores at the beginning of May, but thanks to the heroic help of Junk Food Dog, we’ve got an early scoop—getting exclusive photos of Spider-Man makes me feel like J. Jonah Jameson, so I’d better start growing my mustache now.

This isn’t the first time the U.S. has missed out on an exclusive Spider-Man cereal. Just last year, Australia was blessed with the above Ultimate Spider-Man cereal—although I don’t remember there being an issue where Spider-Man shoots sweetened chocolate rings out of his wrists.

Oh well, I won’t complain about other countries getting all the coolest superhero snacks. After all, America did get Kraft Spider-Man Macaroni & Cheese: arguably the greatest thing to happen to mac & cheese since the birth of breadcrumbs.

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Review: Girl Scouts Caramel Crunch Cereal

General Mills Girl Scouts Caramel Crunch Cereal – CAramel deLite & Samoa Cereal Box

Confession: I used to cut out and collect the Girl Scout cookie mascots that came on the cardboard cookie boxes. You know, these rad dudettes? I just loved imagining my treats with personalities, backstories, and intricate lore, and I won’t deny that a corrugated Do-Si-Do cutout once did battle with my Darth Vader action figure.

The Girl Scout cookie Caramel Crunch Cereal is based on goes by many names, but its purple-boxed, New Year’s Resolution-busting flavor trio of coconut, caramel, and chocolate is instantly recognizable. Samoas, a.k.a. Carmel deLites, a.k.a. “The Ones I’m Glad Have Holes Because I Eat Them So Fast They Could Be a Choking Hazard” are the Girl Scouts’s 2nd most popular cookie after Thin Mints, beating out my dearest Tagalongs by about 6% of annual sales.

Oh, poor Tagalong: never the bride, never the bridesmaid, always the head usher.

I already reviewed Thin Mints Cereal, General Mills’s other new Girl Scout cookie cereal, and it got a crisp B+ for its impressive depiction of Thin Mint cookies’ crispy inner wafer. Will Caramel Crunch live up to these lofty standards, or will it be a case of Where in the World is Caramel San Diego?

Let’s deliver a box straight to my taste buds and find out. Continue reading

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Review: Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Limited Edition Frosted Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts Review – Box

I firmly believe that everyone has a “spirit Pop-Tart.” A spirit Pop-Tart is the specific toaster pastry flavor that represents you on a personal, philosophical, and even spiritual level. A spirit Pop-Tart has bits of your personality baked into every crumb.

While I love assigning other people spirit Pop-Tarts—like I’m some wise breakfast oracle on a Greek mountaintop—I’ve always got mixed readings on what my spirit Tart is. I like to see myself as a Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tart, but others have named me a PB&J Pop-Tart, a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tart, or even a Limited Edition Ice Cream Shoppe Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart.

I got tired and hungry just typing that last one.

But the second Kellogg’s announced its partnership with Dunkin’ Donuts—wherein the pair would craft not one, but two (the other’s Chocolate Mocha) new Pop-Tarts inspired by coffee beverages—my friends pointed at me with excitedly, confident that I am a Vanilla Latte Pop-Tart!

I don’t know why they say this, exactly: I like to think it’s because I’m sweet and trendy, but it’s probably because I’m always caffeinated and have a hairdo that looks like freshly frothed milk. Continue reading

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Review: Quaker Corn Bran Crunch Cereal

Corn Bran Crunch Box

Corn Bran Crunch may just be the most underrated cereal of all time.

There: that needed to be said. This cereal deserves more fame and attention. With an uninspired box design and a generic name that sounds like a bootleg arcade game at a rural Chuck E. Cheese, Corn Bran Crunch usually doesn’t stand a chance against others in the breakfast aisle.

Seriously, what kid would pick a smirking old dude with a bowl of raspberries over a lunatic cuckoo bird or a cannibalistic cinnamon square? Even Quaker’s Oatmeal Squares are more popular.

If Quaker won’t give Corn Bran Crunch the wisecracking, sunglasses-wearing corncob mascot it deserves (his catchphrase would be “Aww, shucks!” of course), I suppose I have to be the one to sing its praises.

Let’s dive in. Continue reading

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Review: Kellogg’s Krave Brownie Treat Bar

IMG_4491I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again.

Krave is a divisive cereal. Most people either think it tastes like dog food, or they wolf it down like hungry canines at chow time.

Personally, I love the stuff…with milk. When munched straight out of the box, Krave is usually too bland and mealy for my tastes. But with the addition of milk, each piece becomes a soft, biscuity chocolate lava cake, oozing with fudgy goo.

That’s why I had doubts about trying this Krave cereal bar. Would I end up having to inject it with a syringe full of 2% to make it palatable?

But then I saw the word “brownie,” and my fears went away. The word “brownie” conjures up happy images of Grandma’s homemade dessert and cheerful Girl Scouts peddling delicious, definitely not homemade dessert cookies.

So I had to give it a try anyway. With a name like Smucker’s Brownie, it has to be good. Right? I’ll still make sure to have the nurses prepare a Nesquik IV drip, just in case. Continue reading

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News: Root Beer and Orange Crush Pop-Tarts Coming Soon?

IMG_4045

Forget frosted orange fudge: I’m ready for frosted Orange Crush!

(UPDATE: I reviewed both flavors: Frosted A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts and Crush Orange Pop-Tarts!)

Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Nope, I’m not talking about the Rice Krispies mascots. I’m talking about actual soda pop-flavored Pop-Tarts based on popular carbonated drink varieties!

As part of a recent cost-cutting effort dubbed “Project K,” Kellogg’s CEO John Bryant teased root beer and Orange Crush and new pastry flavors. Project K will also lead to a further evolution of the Special K brand towards eating that is “wholesome,” instead of just lower calorie. Project K also sounds like the name of a low-budget alien invasion movie, but that’s beside the point.

In light of recent rumors about Orange Creampop Cap’n Crunch, this might just be a good year for orange-loving breakfast fans.

Let’s just hope these root beer and Orange Crush Pop-Tarts don’t fizzle, because if they succeed, then we’re all one step closer to the Mtn Dew & Doritos flavored Pop-Tarts that I know everyone has been asking for.

 


Info source: Crains Detroit

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