Category Archives: Uncategorized

Review: Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts (2017 Return!)

Yes, I am ashamed.

I may outwardly appear to be a Pop-Tarts connoisseur—you know, the kind of pastry-pushing snob who considers Limited Edition Milk Chocolate Graham to be the best flavor, while simultaneously pushing boxes of Toaster Strudel to the back of the freezer case out of petty vengeance. But to my best recollection, I can’t recall ever trying Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts when the were first released and discontinued in 2005.

Either that, or they were so mind-meltingly good that my memory of them has been washed away in a rose-tinted sea of fruity brain fog.

But regardless of my sin against toaster pastry fandom, Strawberry Milkshakes were a cult favorite, so much so that Kellogg’s has brought them back, alongside Vanilla Milkshake (another Ice Cream Shoppe classic) for 2017.

So as usual, I’ve got one sitting plain, one in the toaster, and one in the freezer. But this time, I’m ready for that first bite of faux-lactose pastry to open my third stomach (I lent the second one to a cow in need) and flood in memories of past milkshakes eaten during my past lives—perhaps I was once a oil baron?

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Review: Chips Ahoy! Cereal from Post

Post Chips Ahoy! Cereal Review Box

Unlike Nutter Butters or Nilla Wafers, Chips Ahoy! has always been on my bad side.

No, not because of the cookie brand’s taste, its perpetual civil war between chewy and crunchy (chewy all the way), or its retiring of one my favorite snack mascots: the Cookie Guy.

I’m upset at Chips Ahoy! for its brazen, borderline offensive abuse of the exclamation point. It’s part of the trademark, meaning it has to be included even in the middle of sentences, eternally pissing off writers, word processors, and autocorrects. It’s kinda like how “Oreos,” isn’t the correct pluralization of Oreo cookies, but this one has 100x more thrown phones.

So sorry, geeks, dweebs, poindexters and pedants, but I’m not using the exclamation point anymore in my review of Post’s new Chips Ahoy Cereal, the companion of Nutter Butter Cereal—both of which hit Walmart at the end of December and stores everywhere April 2018.

Now that I’ve vented about punctuation and mourned the loss of an anthropomorphized foodstuff, the only thing left on my pre-review checklist is “wonder about something pointless.”

I wonder if in Spanish-speaking countries, they stylize it as ¡Chips Ahoy! Continue reading

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Spooned & Spotted: Lucky Charms with Three New Rainbow Marshmallows!

Lucky Charms with Three New Rainbow Marshmallows Box

Some seven and a half years ago, an MMA fighter turned farmer released a video of him gawking at a double rainbow whilst apparently hyped up on something far giddier than marshmallows. Now in the year 2017, Lucky the Leprechaun is doing him one better, with a new Lucky Charms cereal boasting three new rainbow marshmallows.

And it’s an old Lucky, too! We’ve all gotten used to seeing the Fairly OddParents-esque current Lucky, so it’s nice to see the familiar face many of us grew up with make a return along some colorfully granulated parabola friends.

These chic new marbits come just a few months after Lucky Charms debuted a full palette’s worth of Mixed-Up Marshmallows. While I say this with a tinfoil hat worn so tightly on my head it’s channeling local AM radio stations directly into my noggin, I still believe that the cereal brand’s marshmallow fashion show is being done to condition cereal lovers for the inevitable day that Lucky Charms ditches artificial colors, as per General Mills’ ongoing plight to make our nostalgic Saturday morning sugar bombs “all natural.”

I mean, just look at two of those marshmallows: no atomic blue, and no overly radioactive Shrek green! Call me a conspiracy theorist or a rose-tinted idealist if you must, but I want all my marshmallows to stay looking like something Thanos would put in the Infinity Gauntlet.

Lucky Charms Three New Rainbows Box Back

Unfortunately, the backs of these boxes don’t reveal any clues about dastardly Cerealluminati plots—just some sort of maze game that’ll keep you entertained precisely long enough to survive a Price is Right commercial break.

I’ve spotted these boxes at Walmart and Meijer now. Got a fascinating new cereal scoop of your own? Plop it on down at our Submissions page for a chance to see it on the blog!

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Spooned & Spotted (Germany): Cars 3 Cereal

Cars 3 Cereal

How ironic: a cereal about anthropomorphized, rapidly accelerating automobiles hits breakfast aisles overseas, just as the American cereal biz is slowing to a snail’s pace. And I don’t mean Turbo the snail, either. We all agreed to never talk about that movie again.

Sorry if I sound a little sour—the dog days of summer are just never the best for new cereals. Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry are just on the cusp of hitting major stores, and those dough-forsaken Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites are still eluding me, but other than that, I have to resort to posting pictures of licensed movie cereals that I can’t even buy. Continue reading

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Review: Oreo O’s Cereal (2017)

Post American Oreo O's Cereal – 2017, from Walmart - Box

Oreo O’s are back in America. This is true.

So naturally, this review is going to be unnecessarily long and rambling—but spoiler alert: not in a good way. Before we get to that, though, I figure a crash course in Oreo O’s 1O1 is appropriate. I’ve already exhaustively covered the cereal’s history in last year’s review of imported Oreo O’s, so head there for all the textbook-worthy details, but here’s an IMDB-worthy synopsis:

In 1997, Oreo O’s blessed us with its authentic Oreo cookie flavor in creme-sprinkled chocolate cereal ring form. Then in 2007, when the world needed it most, Oreo O’s (which had marshmallows by this point) vanished…everywhere but South Korea, where you could buy it until 2014 and then again in 2016. It’s finally back in America, 10 years after hibernating, and you probably heard about it 10 times from BuzzFeed in the past 2 hours alone.

And while I can’t prove that I am the world’s biggest Oreo O’s fan, that hasn’t stopped me from calling Guinness about it. So since this is my favorite cereal, and since I’ve spent enough on the South Korean stuff to rent an Aruban timeshare, you’d think I’d be beyond geeked to see Oreo O’s back in their home turf. But I’m not geeked. Nor am I freaked, piqued, or as the kids probably no longer say, “on-fleeked.”

Why not? Because like a Scooby-Doo villain, these Oreo O’s are not what they seem. Continue reading

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Review: Honeycomb Cereal (Now with Bigger Flavor!)

Post Bigger Flavor Honeycomb Cereal Box

Not since Andre the Giant menacingly knocked on the Honeycomb Hideout’s window have I been so geeked to eat a bowl of Honeycomb cereal.

Sure, the stuff has had fun flavor iterations—Strawberry, Chocolate, Cinna-Graham—and it even briefly got “Twisted Marshmallows” 3 years back in a decades-late attempt to capitalize on the “X-Treme Snax” movement of the radical ’90s. But it has also progressively lost its flavor, as not one, but two ill-received formula changes in the early 2000s left Honeycomb a squishy and styrofoam-y compared to the golden-smacked Golden God it was before the turn of the century.

All that BIG HONEY TASTE Andre had roared about went to go live on a bee farm upstate, so to speak.

But this newly revamped Honeycomb boasts a “bigger flavor,” in a charming homage to those days when the cereal hung its hat on its humongous honey-ness. This change comes in the midst of a wider cereal flavor revolution, as Cocoa Puffs and Krave have added “50% more cocoa” and “more chocolate,” respectively. But while those two put an easy-to-measure qualifier on their taste changes, Honeycomb’s flavor is now simply “bigger,” which could either mean they added more honey or hired fatter bees.

Either way, I’m  going to try them while I wait for my Giant sideburns to grow in.  Continue reading

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News: Spider-Man Homecoming Cereal Boxes Swing Onto Canadian Shelves

Post Canadian Spider-Man Homecoming Cereal

Spider-Man. Spider-Man.
His cereal’s next to the Raisin Bran.

Beware, Canadian evil-doers: you can’t run from justice, even at breakfast, because Spider-Man is taking over Post cereal boxes to celebrate the launch of his upcoming Spider-Man Homecoming movie.

(Well, I guess criminals could just eat Honey Bunches of Oats exclusively, as the villainous Vulture has made that box his nest).

The boxes are hitting Canadian stores at the beginning of May, but thanks to the heroic help of Junk Food Dog, we’ve got an early scoop—getting exclusive photos of Spider-Man makes me feel like J. Jonah Jameson, so I’d better start growing my mustache now.

This isn’t the first time the U.S. has missed out on an exclusive Spider-Man cereal. Just last year, Australia was blessed with the above Ultimate Spider-Man cereal—although I don’t remember there being an issue where Spider-Man shoots sweetened chocolate rings out of his wrists.

Oh well, I won’t complain about other countries getting all the coolest superhero snacks. After all, America did get Kraft Spider-Man Macaroni & Cheese: arguably the greatest thing to happen to mac & cheese since the birth of breadcrumbs.

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Review: Girl Scouts Caramel Crunch Cereal

General Mills Girl Scouts Caramel Crunch Cereal – CAramel deLite & Samoa Cereal Box

Confession: I used to cut out and collect the Girl Scout cookie mascots that came on the cardboard cookie boxes. You know, these rad dudettes? I just loved imagining my treats with personalities, backstories, and intricate lore, and I won’t deny that a corrugated Do-Si-Do cutout once did battle with my Darth Vader action figure.

The Girl Scout cookie Caramel Crunch Cereal is based on goes by many names, but its purple-boxed, New Year’s Resolution-busting flavor trio of coconut, caramel, and chocolate is instantly recognizable. Samoas, a.k.a. Carmel deLites, a.k.a. “The Ones I’m Glad Have Holes Because I Eat Them So Fast They Could Be a Choking Hazard” are the Girl Scouts’s 2nd most popular cookie after Thin Mints, beating out my dearest Tagalongs by about 6% of annual sales.

Oh, poor Tagalong: never the bride, never the bridesmaid, always the head usher.

I already reviewed Thin Mints Cereal, General Mills’s other new Girl Scout cookie cereal, and it got a crisp B+ for its impressive depiction of Thin Mint cookies’ crispy inner wafer. Will Caramel Crunch live up to these lofty standards, or will it be a case of Where in the World is Caramel San Diego?

Let’s deliver a box straight to my taste buds and find out. Continue reading

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