It’s Halloween on Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca!

I still plan to write a few words about a certain spectral monster cereal before All Hallow’s Eve Ends, but I wanted to compound your Halloween cereal fun by sharing cereal spooksmith Gabe Fonseca’s latest Cereal Time episode. If you aren’t familiar with the series, it covers a different cereal each week, charting its colorful history and possible future.

This week’s frightening feature is perhaps Gabe’s greatest work yet. While I normally “watch along” and provide commentary, I don’t want to spoil anything about this one. So sit back, grab another handful of Goobers, and go to town.*

*Just two tips though:

1)  Be sure to watch this video on desktop or the YouTube app for the full experience.

2) Play your cards right, and you might just see a cameo from someone special.**

 

**Me. It’s me

Want more videographic cereal goodness? Every episode of Cereal Time can be found here. Be sure to check out Gabe’s Twitter, too.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

Review: Nature’s Path Organic Frosted Pumpkin Pie Toaster Pastries

Nature's Path Organic Frosted Pumpkin Pie Toaster Pastries Review Box

It’s like that old children’s book:

If you make a Pop-Tart organic, it’ll want a typewriter to tell people about it.
If you give that Pop-Tart a typewriter, it’ll need thick-rimmed glasses to see the keys.
When you give it thick-rimmed glasses, the Pop-Tart will need to know the proper pronunciation of “quinoa” for its upcoming poetry slam…

I jest, but Nature’s Path Organic’s toaster pastries are, in my mind’s eye, Hipster Pop-Tarts. And just like Trader John Misty—err, I mean, “Joe”—Nature’s Path has a sleek, pumpkin spiced pastry to compete with Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts: Kellogg’s big guns.

(And we all know Pop-Tart guns should be taken seriously.) Continue reading

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

Review: Classic Trix Cereal (with 6 colors again!)

General Mills Classic Trix Cereal Review with 6 Colors Box

To paraphrase the illustrious Milhouse Van Houten: “Remember Trix? They’re back! …In Pog form 6 colors.

Okay, well Trix never actually left, but when General Mills removed the cereal’s artificial colors and flavors at the start of last year, it kind of desaturated the cereal in the public eye. And even I’ll admit that, while I appreciated the cereal’s newly authentic fruit flavor at first, its overly citrusy taste profile started to sour on me. Before long, I was out there on the front lines with my “Give Me Red Dye #40 Or Give Me An Even Swifter Death” picket sign.

And apparently General Mills heard the anguished cries of a bunny litter’s worth of distraught inner children, because now “Classic” Trix is back on shelves alongside its tri-colored companion. So whether you’re hankering for a carrot or a slice of carrot cake, Trix has something for you, your kids, and all your silly rabbits to gnaw on.

Let’s take a flavor roadtrip back to the ancient old days of early 2016, shall we? Don’t forget to bring your Sports Almanac! Continue reading

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

Review: 7-11 Stuffed Waffle (Pillsbury)

Pillsbury 7-11 Stuffed Waffle Review Sign

Ha, I bet you thought my first ever waffle review was going to be some fancy pumpkin spiced Eggo, didn’t you? Or perhaps a frou-frou Kodiak Cake, or maybe a behind-the-scenes expose about my Grandma’s lovingly hand-griddled plaid cakes?

Wrong, wrong, and—bless her heart—wrong again.

No, my inaugural Belgian batter odyssey takes place in a questionably lit 7-11 parking lot, at approximately 7 minutes to 11. I’m sitting on the curb, next to the cicada buzz of a tired neon light, cradling an exclusive Stuffed Waffle, created as a partnership between the convenience store chain and Pillsbury.

It looks like a cafeteria grilled chicken tender, and I feel like a bucket of that cafeteria’s janitorial mop water. I’ve questioned my life choices many times, but before today, I never would imagined myself asking:

“Why didn’t I just buy the week-old rolling taquito?” Continue reading

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

Review: Chocolate Frosted Flakes Cereal from Kellogg’s (2017)

Kellogg's 2017 New Chocolate Frosted Flakes Cereal Review Box

Like a coffee snob who thinks cream ruins roasted perfection or a hipster doughnut shop that only sells original and glazed, Tony the Tiger is an artisan.

While other cereal brands let their wacky flavor flags fly with any number of peanut buttery, gingerbready, or orange ice creamy variants, Anthony the Large Jungle Cat keeps it pretty minimalistic, preferring to perfect each flavor he introduces rather than rushing to meet some pumpkin spiced fad. After all, it took him 64 years to introduce a Cinnamon kind. And now, after the length of about 6–8 of Tony’s 9 feline lives, we finally get Chocolate Frosted Flakes.

What’s that you say, with your raised pitchfork pilfered from the clearance section of a Spirit Halloween? Chocolate Frosted Flakes already existed 20 years ago? Well those were Cocoa Frosted Flakes, not true-blue (or brown?) chocolate.

Oh, but you also say, holding a rudimentary torch made from back issues of the National Enquirer, “There are already two different kinds of Chocolate Frosted Flakes in my grocery store right now”? Well there are Frosted Flakes Choco Zucaritas made for Latin American markets, and Chocolate Frosted Flakes with Skeleton Marshmallows, made for Halloween, which are…uh…from a seasonal spin-off and therefore aren’t canon.

Phew. Through arbitrary technicalities, I’ve confirmed that 2017 Chocolate Frosted Flakes are the first of their kind. After all, Kellogg’s has made a big fuss about these ones are made differently. Like their much-hyped cinnamon-infusing process from 2016, the chocolatey frosting on these flakes is proprietarily designed to meet American tastes for milk chocolate, as opposed to Choco Zucaritas, which are supposed to be more dark chocolatey.

Maybe this is all choco hokum, but that’s not going to stop this American from indulging his sweet tooth. After Tony himself sent me this elaborate care package to try the stuff, I’d be remiss not to use his big metallic head to scoop shards of well-browned gold into my mouth like an emperor of the Nile. Continue reading

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

Review: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios Cereal from General Mills

General Mills Limited Edition Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios Cereal Review Box

I’ve long had a theory that every cereal a person could ever need can be formed through a triangulation of three “primary flavors.” The three corners of this Cerealluminati Pyramid (working title) are formed by chocolate, peanut butter, and strawberry. Think about it, sheeple people: while those three flavors are near-universally delightful by themselves, by pairing them you can make a choco-pb cereal, a PB&J cereal, or a chocolate fondued strawberry cereal.

And if you happen to find some hipster niche of cereal lovers that isn’t pleased by any of those, you can just combine all three and tear a rift in space-time through sheer flavor alchemy.

New Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios are proof that my philosophy of breakfast geometry isn’t so obtuse after all—in fact, it’s pretty acute. See, even though General Mills has a near-monopoly on chocolate peanut butter breakfast cereals with Reese’s Puffs, they still decided to release another cocoa-nutty product. That’s because, as a key bastion of my Cerealluminati Pyramid, the mouth-watering power of chocolate and peanut butter together really is that persuasively strong.

Unless, of course, my deeper conspiracy is true, in which case the prophecy of threes has yet to be fulfilled:

But allow me to trade in my tinfoil hat for an equally shiny spoonand dig in—if I’m gonna be a nutcase, I’d rather be a peanutcase. Continue reading

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

Review: Quaker Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal

Quaker Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal Review – Box

October 14th, 2017: the day Dan finally shut up about wanting a gingerbread cereal.

Yes, this is a landmark day—literally: the spot where I excitedly stamped my feet upon tasting Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal is now craterous enough to be deemed a geologic point of interest. I’ve begged for a gingerbread cereal (Gingerbread Toast Crunch, to be more specific, but gingerbeggars can’t be choosers) since the first year I had enough teeth to eat both a gingerbread man and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And after decades of disappointment, that stoically grinning Quaker Oats guy must have finally felt my annoying laments reverberate through his 2-dimensional cardboard plane, because we now have Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal: America’s first ever gingerbread breakfast cereal.

I told myself I’d wait ’til winter months to review this stuff, since i have so many autumn treats to write about, but pumpkin spice and caramel apple be damned: if I don’t give my inner child this one, he’s going to beat my internal organs with a whiffle ball bat and a pair of Sock’em Boppers. Continue reading

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+

News: Rugrats Reptar Cereal Lands at FYE (with Rick & Morty Cereal!)

Rugrats Reptar Cereal

Whether you’re stuck in the playpen, off vacationing in Paris, or making pudding at 4am because you’ve lost control of your life, you’ve got to love Reptar—after all, he’s a lizard with a heart of gold.

And now you can eat breakfast with him, as FYE is debuting an exclusive, Rugrats-branded Reptar Cereal, alongside those famous tongue-tinting Reptar Bars.

Of course, this Froot Loops lookalike isn’t the first Rugrats cereal, or even the second, but it’s a much-needed bowlful of edible ’90s nostalgia that I think we all need in this climate. So if you want to sit back, wear something with a Memphis print, and pop in a VHS of Rugrats Go Wild (featuring The Wild Thornberries, of course), head on over to FYE.

And if modern cartoons are more your speed, FYE is also carrying Strawberry Smiggles, as seen in Rick & Morty. I know very little about the show, but from what I do know about its loyal fans, you’ll want to get to FYE before the crowds come back from disappointed, empty-handed and ready to star another Szechuan Sauce CriSauce.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+