News: Another Cereal News Round-Up!

New Nutty Buddy Cereal

Just as the world keeps spinning, the new cereal world keeps on spooning—whether or not I’m able to keep up with it! Here’s a quick look at the big headlines that’ve cropped up (get it, because…grains?) these past couple weeks.

First up we have the obvious headliner above. For awhile, I’ve wondered whether Little Debbie and Kellogg’s would expand their line of snack cake-inspired cereals that started with Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal and Cosmic Brownies Cereal—and if so, which of Deb’s iconic processed goodies would get the spotlight next.

Now, thanks to @steelbookobsessed on Instagram, we have the likely answer. While it’s still in the unconfirmed sampling phase, Nutty Buddy Cereal seems like a smart choice, and hopefully one that will evolve the shallow cocoa powdery taste of the Cosmic Brownies Cereal. Yes, CBC was pretty mediocre and sparsely flavored, while OCP was an agreeable, heavily powdered cinna–molasses affair, so there’s no telling where Nutty Buddy may land on that continuum.

One thing’s for sure, though: the pieces look like (fittingly dairy-ready) Milk Bones. Continue reading

News: Frute Brute’s 2022 Return

Frute Brute 2022

Are you hungry like the wolf yet?

No? Well you’d better start huffing, puffing, and ruining some porcine architecture, because by the time this Halloween rolls around, our dearly departed Monster Cereal Frute Brute will be back on shelves with a cherry-flavored vengeance. Not counting his half-hearted marbit cameo in last year’s Monster Mash Cereal, it’s been almost 10 years since we last saw this ’70s cereal icon get his own spotlight spooky-time cereal.

And I’m so excited, I don’t even care that the cereal will still be corn-based, and that Brute’s only been reanimated as part of a Monsters x KAWS promo contest. KAWS is an artist and designer known for parodying pop culture icons and putting Xs over their eyes. He’s already gotten his own Reese’s Puffs box, so this General Mills collab isn’t a total surprise. The full nature of the Monsters promo isn’t clear yet, either, except that you’ll be able to enter to win a KAWS prize on the (not yet live) site kawsmonsters.com.

The other thing that’s abundantly (and abominably) clear is that Fruity Yummy Mummy, Frute Brute’s ’80s Monster Cereal counterpart, is no where to be found in this KAWS campaign. As someone who prefers both Yummy Mummy’s design and orange flavor to Frute Brute’s (it’s too similar to Franken Berry), I’m disappointed, but hey: I’ll take the fan service I can get in this lifetime. Maybe next year, Mummy.

The above Monster Cereal variety 4-pack should be hitting Sam’s Club stores any day now, while individual boxes at major retailers will soon follow as summer wanes. Let’s just hope hypebeast scalpers don’t poach our big bad wolf entirely off shelves before the rest of us can grab a box.

Bite-Sized Reviews: DC’s Strong Berry Cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Rolls, and Bath & Body Works Rainbow Cereal Soap

*Jean-Ralphio voice*

I’m the woooorst!

Folks, I’ll admit: between my day job, other writing projects, and the *gestures vaguely at everything*, I still haven’t really been feeling the long-form blogging bug for the past couple months. But that doesn’t mean I’ve been slouching on new cereal news and taste tests. On both The Empty Bowl and my Twitter, I still regularly share my thoughts on everything new and crunchy (and in this case, soapy) at the breakfast table.

Here are a few of my recent itty-bitty breakdowns. Stay tuned for more (and hopefully lengthier) content soon!

 

News: Apple Jacks Nickelodeon Green Slime Cereal

New Nickelodeon Green Slime Apple Jacks Cereal

What could be more patriotic than saluting a bowl of emerald ooze? Grilling a T(urquoise)-bone steak with seafoaming juices? Squelching the last chartreuse dregs of Shrek-edition Heinz EZ Squirt on a peridot dog? However you celebrate, I hope your Independence Day doesn’t end without a heartily viscous display of slime, sludge, or otherwise slurry.

Sorry if all my imagery is making you green around the gills: I’m simply so excited that Kellogg’s and Nickelodeon are teaming up for a green slime edition of Apple Jacks. Bafflingly, this isn’t even the first Nickelodeon Slime Cereal to ever exist. General Mills did one too back in the early 2000s—back when Nickelodeon’s cultural impact was far more pervasive, and the threat of getting serendipitously slimed whilst going about one’s daily business was a serious one indeed.

Aside from the obvious benefit of turning your milk green, these upcoming Apple Jacks also come in a bold “Green Apple Flavor.” This may sound strange, since it’s already called Apple Jacks, but for many years Apple Jacks didn’t even contain apple ingredients and was merely a cinnamon cereal. Recent reformulations have amended this, but I think most can admit that when eating AJ, it’s usually cinnamon that leads the palate-pleasing charge. So I’m excited to taste what an ardently sour apple’d edition of Apple Jacks like this Nickelodeon Slime one will taste like.

If there’s any good left in this world, I will be left both puckered and giddily repulsed by the slimy, limey (at least in color) spectacle before me.

 

Review: Honey Vanilla Cheerios

New Honey Vanilla Cheerios Review – Box

Ever wonder what a plain ol’ butter & jelly sandwich might taste like? What about simply sour chicken, an unadorned upside-down cake, or a pizza topped only with…pepper?

Yeah, me either. But that’s the Honey Vanilla Cheerios experience: like eating something extremely familiar, but without one of the signature, accenting somethings that define the dish. Granted, I’m exaggerating, and Honey Vanilla Cheerios don’t taste as bad as fouled fowl, but it’s palpably missing something.

And that something, dear reader, is Nut.

Continue reading

Quick Review: Cookie Crisp Oatmeal

New Cookie Crisp Oatmeal Review.- Box

There are a couple of good (read: mostly lazy) reasons why I don’t review oatmeal on this blog too often.

1. It’s always so hot that I have trouble photographing it without steaming up my camera lens.

2. Oatmeal is such an ugly foodstuff that I have trouble photographing it without emphasizing just how ugly this grain slop really is.

3. I, uh, don’t own a microwave, so I’m forced to just pour hot milk (don’t even suggest water, you puritans) on it and hope for the best, which, in the case of instant oatmeals like Cookie Crisp Oatmeal, which straight up do not recommend my method, ends up invariably leaving me with a bowl of runny (and thus even uglier) mush.

But nevertheless, I endured these struggles for Chip the Wolf’s sake. And thus, here are my thoughts on Cookie Crisp Oatmeal: the good, the bad, and the inevitably ugly. Continue reading

Review: Trix Trax

Trix Trax Review – Box

Name: 10/10, would attempt to utter ten times tongue-twistingly fast in a public space, resulting in prompt institutionalization.

Box design: 10/10, love to imagine a world where a cartoon rabbit and a photorealistic Tyrannosaurus get into all kinds of Road Runner-y hijinks—and where said cereal-swiping Rabbit, with his forward-facing eyes, is no longer the alpha predator.

But the taste of Trix Trax? Well, let’s talk, squawk, and lumbering walk about it. Continue reading