Ugh, is there anything in the world less appealing than Pink Confection?

…oh, wait, we’re not talking about McDonald’s nugget slurry? Allow me to revise:

Uhh, is there anything in the world that sounds less appealing than Pink Confection?

Sure, I’m aware of confections and the color pink, but I’m unsure I’ve ever seen those two words in tandem—not even on bags of Frosted Animal Cookies. Even a Google search of “Pink Confection” only turns up results for 7-Eleven’s Detective Pikachu candy bars, which lead us to believe the stuff is made from 100% All-American Angus Snubbull.

Oh, and there’s this tremendous articulation of the English language, as found in a 1962 issue of The New York Times:

Pink Confection Is Appealing Token of Love; Real Roses Adorn Light Cake for a Valentine Can Be Frozen

Well doesn’t that just tell us everything we need to know about the Froot Loopiest of 7-Eleven’s 7-Select Cereal Sweets bars?

These real-cereal-infused bars also come in not-Cinnamon Toast Crunch (in milk chocolate) and fake Fruity Pebbles (in an equally dubious White Confection), but I chose the one bearing “Fruity Hoops,” partly because the cinnamon one seemed too ‘safe,’ and partly because I love rosy hues, even when they’re in something that sounds like it’s been perfectly processed through an android unicorn colon.

Alright, I’ve roasted pink confection enough. Let’s give this bar a break!

I’m surprised to say that I’m slightly disappointed the pinkitude of the confection in question isn’t more Pepto Bismotic—if you’re gonna go full processed, at least perfect the method.

Rather, each bar features six ribbed and chunky segments. Beneath these ruby ridges, rainbow shadows lurk with a tantalizing twinkle. Snapping one off confirms that this bar didn’t short us on sheer density of cereal fragments—so no need to employ the syringe-full of Froot Jooce I borrowed from the Kellogg’s BioResearch Lab.

Despite this, the flavor distribution between fruitily hooped cereal and coagulated sugar serum is just a bit off. To Cereal Sweets bar’s credit, the joint mouthfeel of über-creamy confection and crispy cereal crystals is fun—like any Crunch Bar or Hershey Cookies & Crème Bar—but it can be tough to savor the familiar, punchy cherry–tangerine–blueberry Froot Loops taste infusion without getting tongue-punched by overwhelmingly milky sugar.

This isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy pink confection. Here, it reminds me of all the weirdly glossy Santa heads I’d gnaw off sticks during youthful Yuletides (if I could get my teeth to stop sliding off his rosy cheeks). And at first, cereal and confection play well with together, calling to mind a pressed tropical smoothie, or perhaps an inside-out Froot Loops cereal bar.

But while the ribbons of factory-born fruitiness flicker in and out of every bite, the confection remains potent and cloying ’til the bitter/mostly sweet end. I’m not sure what the best way for 7-Eleven to remedy this would be—maybe trying ruby chocolate instead of confection? or giving it an additional Froot Loops glaze in lieu of the top half of its saccharine net weight?—but unless your sweet tooth is thicker than a fluoride-plated bunker, it might be tough to eat more than a few hunks of this bar without gurgling up a few hoops of rippling digestive fluid.

All in all, I’m glad I tried 7-Eleven’s Fruit Hoops Cereal Sweets bar—I still believe it’s likely the most memorable of the three, and at such a low cost, it still makes for a charming impulse buy, as long as you have another person to share it with.

Or just call your three nephews.

The Bowl: 7-Eleven Cereal Sweets – “Fruity Hoops Cereal in Pink Confection”

The Breakdown: Sweet. Very very sweet. But if you can stomach a stampede by a zoo’s worth of animal cookie frosting, you’ll find a charming and authentically flavored fruit cereal + smoothie combo.

The Bottom Line: 6.5 delicious middlin’ layers of dehydrated milk goo out of 10