Which Lucky Charms marshmallow is your favorite? Is it the mashed-up blue chunk? The pureéd orange bit? Ooh, or is it the pulverized pink smithereen? I love that one.
Well no matter which iconic Lucky Charms marbit you fancy, you’ll totally be able to recognize it in Burger King’s brand new Lucky Charms Shake. This cereal milkshake is an iridescent cylinder of rainbow-specked vanilla soft serve that’s blended with real Lucky Charms shrapnel and a secretive marshmallowy cereal syrup so rich with Lucky Charms flavor that whichever cow the ice cream came from is now shouting “It’s moo-gically delicious!” via an unseen telepathic stimulus.
Or at least, that’s my poetic interpretation of how Burger King describes its Lucky Charms Shake. It’ll take a serious taste test to see if the shake lives up to its namesake cereal’s legacy, and as someone who sucks at just about everything, I feel qualified to suck this breakfast–dessert hybrid down in the name of journalism.
As you may know, the Lucky Charms Shake isn’t Burger King’s first cereal shake. Just two months ago, the Mac n’ Cheetos slingers slung a Froot Loops Shake at America, and we all sung its praises. As I write this from the unfathomably deep depths of a post-shake sugar coma, I can say that the Lucky Charms Shake isn’t as good as the Froot Loops Shake, but it’s still really good.
See, the problem is that the Froot Loops Shake mixed a whole new tropical flavor into Burger King’s already delicious soft serve base, but since a milkshake is pretty much just jellied marshmallow fluff by definition, trying to add the taste of Lucky Charms marshmallows is as futile as flavoring the Pacific Ocean with a drizzle of fish sauce. Plus, when you consider the Himalayan mound of whipped cream that topped my Lucky Charms Shake, the ice cream base equated to sugar^3 + vanilla = sticky, semisolid funfetti.
Thankfully, the generous oat flavor of the addictively suckable cereal bits (they never get stuck in the straw and they have an endearing mouthfeel) breaks up the melty cake flavor with its potently toasty taste. I wish there were more of this sensation, because not only does it taste like oatmeal ice cream, but it also makes the Lucky Charms Shake taste exactly like the titular cereal—with a little extra buttery fast food shake magic.
But like the childhood innocence it evokes, this oat swirl eventually departs. After the Lucky Charms Shake melts for a bit, the cereal flavor is diluted, and the whole confection becomes more generic. At first, it tastes like the 4th quarter of a real vanilla soft-serve ice cream experience—the part where the melty goo has seeped into the deliciously chewy cake cone. But after a while, the Shake’s novelty dips faster than it dripped down into my cupholder: before I got halfway into my Lucky Charms Shake, it just tasted like any other vanilla shake, just with a little extra syrupy sickliness from its rainbow whirlpools of marbit detritus.
So essentially, Burger King’s Lucky Charms Shake isn’t magically disgusting, and it’s not quite magically delicious. It’s pretty magically delectable, but it magically dissipates too quickly. You’d have to guzzle this thing down with elephantine ferocity to finish it before it becomes a becomes hallucinogenic sugar lagoon.
Regardless, I still think it’s worth a try if you’ve already had your share of Froot Loops Shakes. I also hope this means my conspiracy theory is true, and that the Burger King is trying to make one shake for all 4 major cereal companies so he can use their collective breakfast energy to overthrow Ronald’s McMuffin monarchy. With Kellogg’s and General Mills down, only Post and Quaker remain to be milkshakified.
*cough* Waffle Crisp and Cap’n Crunch *cough*
The “Bowl:” Burger King Lucky Charms Shake
The Breakdown: From delightful marshmallowy toasted oatmeal, to soggy sugar cone, to just plain sugary, the Lucky Charms Shake loses its cereal fun as its ingredients mix a cloying cocktail of syrupy sweetness. Chug for best results and/or brain freeze.
The Bottom Line: 7.5 dairy clairvoyants out of 10
(Quick Nutrition Facts: 740 calories, 107 grams of sugar, and 17 grams of protein per 1 shake serving)