This review goes out to you, 54-year old Larry P. from Tampa Bay, Florida.
You don’t actually exist, Larry, but you are an archetype of consumer both I and countless underpaid cereal customer service reps have had to deal with for the past two decades.
You’re the guy who complains on every Monster Cereal post about how Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry just aren’t as good as they were during your childhood growing up in some rural place that resembles the house from Courage the Cowardly Dog. You’re the guy who lambasts the cereals’ change from oat flour to corn flour as borderline cataclysmic, a harbinger of dark times that probably brought us reality TV and bluetooth headsets, too. And you use General Mills’ blog comments section as your impromptu soapbox.
So even though you are a persistently vocal one, Larry: you’re right. Oat flour does rock, and Malt-O-Meal’s newest cereal, Double Brownie Crunch, proves it with a masterful blend of fudged flours.
While at a passing glance, Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch cereal may sound like one of those excessive ice cream flavor names and look like a cheap Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs, one scholarly bite told me all I need to know about what may be Malt-O-Meal’s Montezuma-pleasing magnum opus. Let me say it big and brown:
This cereal tastes exactly like pre-Y2K Count Chocula.
But you don’t have to be a Gen-X nostalgiaholic to appreciate this: Pogs or no Pogs, Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch is a cereal slammer that dunks your taste buds with layers of chocolatey goodness. The base is the real winner here: with a core of savory, heartily roasted oat flour and just a dash of mouthwateringly golden-toasted cornmeal, these dense puffs aren’t over-aerated and palate-lacerating—instead, they provide a wholesome canvas for the brownie flavor to build on. There isn’t even any plasticky aftertaste leeched in from the bag—a first for Malt-O-Meal.
And despite the ambiguous name (is it referring to a single, double chocolate brownie, or two plain chocolate brownies?) this chocolate flavor is appropriately complex. Cocoa buttery and well-fudged, but with a baseline of smoked milk chocolate and genuine oily brownie undertones, this cereal feels illegally chocolatey. It’s like every chocolate biscuit and iced wafer you’ve ever eaten—plus a couple Oreo wafers—decided to merge their essences into a single orb of delicious choco-instrumentality.
Forget what you’ve heard about artificial color-free, all-natural breakfasts: the golden age of cereal is well and truly alive in this 2-pound bag.
And I haven’t even mentioned the marshmallows yet. Perfectly chalky–chewy and infused with milky cocoa powder, they meld symphonically with the puffs, diffusing creamy, fluffy, and frosting-esque flavor into every hand, spoon, or crane-ful that you eat.
Milk isn’t a must, but it is a must-try. The absorbent marbits turn pleasantly squishy, and their compound creaminess combines with the lightly milk-swollen—yet no less chocolatey, due to their oat-bolstered structural integrity—puffs to make the collective cereal concoction taste like, of all things, a powdered chocolate doughnut (it probably doesn’t hurt that each puff is dusted with a confectioner’s sugar-esque coating, too).
I never expected it to come from Malt-O-Meal, but Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch is what the cereal the breakfast aisle needs, even if it may not deserve it. Instantly heartwarming for nostalgiaholics of all ages, but also universally tasty enough that even an invading alien could enjoy it after exterminating all human life, Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch brings the best of cereal past into the future, and I commend M-O-M for it.
Plus it’s so cheap that I could build a bunker out of these cinder block-sized bags and outlast those pesky aliens. It’s a win-win-martian!
The Bowl: Malt-O-Meal Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch
The Breakdown: A perfect blend of oat and corn flour, topped with layered chocolate flavor that’s both milky, fudgy, and somehow smoky, and with choco-infused marshmallows to boot, this is a galaxy-unifying cereal that demands comma-laden praise.
The Bottom Line: 10 mascots gone cuckoo with jealousy out of 10