Review: Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal

Trader Joe's Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal Box

I’m 3 packets deep into my box of Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal, yet I can’t stop thinking about Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe this is actually some grand, Illuminati-level conspiracy between Trader Joe and Cheesasaurus Rex, but every bite of TJ’s soft, sopping, and starchy Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal tastes like mashed-up mac noodles bathed in an autumnal, earthy pumpkin sauce.

Yep, I’m definitely crazy. But before you lock me up in the nuthouse, my pinwheeling legs kicking and my oatmeal-specked mouth screaming “But it ain’t easy being cheesy! It ain’t, I tell you!” as the bars clang shut, let me rewind this whole pumpkin oatmeal snafu. Because despite my nutty introduction, there’s a lot to love about this nutty breakfast.

Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal isn’t a new product in any way. In fact, it’s been around for 4 years, so its year-after-year return must mean that it’s pretty good. And in proper Halloween fashion, smelling this oatmeal’s freshly harvested, lightly spiced pumpkin scent as it blossomed in the microwave left me shivering with antici…

Trader Joe's Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal

pation!

Like the mythical Boy Who Cried As He Wolfed Down Watery Oatmeal, I disregarded the packet’s instruction to use 2/3 cup of water and used 1/2 cup instead. I may have been breaking breakfast law, but there weren’t any cops around and my victimless crime reaped delicious rewards. The bowl of Pecan Pumpkin oatmeal that emerged from my microwave—in a steamy mist so dense it would spook even Stephen King—was perfectly textured. It was thick and sticky, like oatmeal soft serve ice cream—except this charming goop was hot enough to induce brain melt instead of brain freeze.

All taste descriptions aside, Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal is hands-down the most flavor saturated oatmeal I’ve ever tried. Many oatmeals have a sweet glaze of powdered flavor on top with a comparatively bland core of sloppy, watery oats. But not TJ’s. Its homely dried pumpkin flavor—which is really a lot more like baked butternut squash—permeated every last oat like a horror movie zombie virus that turns its victims into mushy autumnal vegetables.

“But what of the box’s promised spices? And the titular pecans?” you may be asking if you speak archaic, near-medieval English. The spices were super subtle, though I expected no less since these ambiguously named “Spices” are the last thing on Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal’s ingredient list. There were notes of brown sugared cinnamon and nutmeg, but both were mellow and cozy, as if they were just chilling in this warm oatmeal Jacuzzi to relax before returning to their spicier jobs.

Trader Joe's Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal Spoonful

The pecans weren’t very intense, either. Even though there were noticeable, pleasantly crunchy pecan bits scattered throughout, they provided no saltiness or aggressively nutty flavor. Instead, they provided that woodsy, fibrous pasta flavor I mentioned earlier. I kind of wished they provided pops of corn syrupy pecan pie, but I suppose I could always buy a jar of Trader Joe’s Pecan Pie Filling and compose my own collage of merry pecan mush.

Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal may be light on distinct pecan and pumpkin flavor, but its consistent flavor profile still puts it in a tier above nearly every grocery aisle oatmeal. Every single spoonful immersed me in a warm hug of Unadulterated Autumn Energy (you should probably bottle that stuff and trademark it, Trader Joe), and I felt like I was eating a carefully constructed bowl of homemade oatmeal instead of something created in the same microwave I used for chintzy, off-brand French onion soup the night before.

Now I look forward to Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Mac & Cheese, hopefully debuting Fall 2017 in convenient, microwave easy mac cups.


 

The Bowl: Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Instant Oatmeal

The Breakdown: A jack of all things squashy, spicy, and and September-y, but a master of none, TJ’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal makes up for its quaint taste intensity with impeccable flavor diffusion.

The Bottom Line: 8 oatmeal ice cream parlors out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 180 calories, 3 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein per 1 packet serving)

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