Tag Archives: 4 rating

Review: Drumstick Cereal (Two Flavors!)

General Mills New Drumstick Cereal Review Classic Vanilla Mint Chocolate Boxes

Serious question: at what point does a ‘new’ cereal just become breakfast trail mix?

Not trying to knock General Mills before trying their newest cereal, of course, but the latest and second-laziest trend of new cereal ideation (behind crude ‘mallowfication, of course) seems to be creating Greatest Hits collections of other cereals so it can be called something distinctly new. Post has done it, and Kellogg’s does it every day at their cereal café.

Whether it’s collaging or crate-digging, sampling is surely a treasured technique of assemblage. But would people rather have a pastiche of cereals past, or an actual Trail Mix Cereal with roasted peanut flakes, nutty raisins (a la Raisin Nut Bran), and chocolate morsels?

(Sorry for the specificity; I’ve been contemplating pouring milk in my 10-pound bag of Sweet & Salty Mix all week.)

For better or worse, General Mills’ new pair of Drumstick Cereals tweak the past to create an ice cream of the future (no, not that one). Launching in both Classic Vanilla and Mint Chocolate, each pairs Golden Grahams and Cocoa Puffs with newly flavored disk pieces familiar from Cookie Crisp. Turns out I had mixed feelings. To pre-conclude, as much as the back of the box tries to bamboozle us with fancy new piece names, I can’t help but wish this cereal was a cerealverse crossover instead of something Drumstick branded.

General Mills New Drumstick Cereal Review Classic Vanilla Mint Chocolate Pieces

Can’t you picture Sonny the Cuckoo and Chip the Wolf surfing on Golden Graham pieces across a honeyed sea? Continue reading

Review: Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles + Maple Bacon Donut Cereals!

Post & Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles + Maple Bacon Donut Cereals Review

National Cereal Day is a funny holiday.

See, despite the best efforts of cereal curators and Ralston researchers such as myself, no one knows exactly when this crunchiest day of the year was first commemorated, nor who it was that first raised their (presumably) marble mug–bowl hybrid to propose the occasion. That said, if you’d like to pretend it was my Great Grand-Pappy Cerealously IV, a humble Crunch Berry farmer from the milkily humid tropics, I wouldn’t be opposed.

All we know is that since the day starting gaining mainstream traction near the turn of the 21st century, National Cereal Day has remained more popular amongst food and local news outlets than other, more contested days. Perhaps it’s a testament to the comparative cultural significance of breakfast cereal, or perhaps just to the PR power of big cereal companies—bless them all for stocking my pantry in time for National Napping Day next week.

Regardless of the date’s disputed origins, it almost always creeps up on me like a ghost in the night or the smotherly love of a 5am house cat. I tend to myself awakening in disbelief to “March 7th” on the calendar, scrambling past my plans for scrambled eggs to write something fitting for this blog’s bona fide breakfast star. But this year, my resolve was steely and my focus was clear: I simply had to write about the already-legendary Honey Brunches of Oats flavors Post has released to both celebrate National Cereal Day and potentially initiate a bold new phase of the foodstuff’s future:

A dawning golden-brown—and perhaps, eventually, honey-mustardy—era of savory cereal.

Both these bite-sized barn animals have already been spotted in both Giant Eagle and Walmart stores, but my journey from farm to pantry was more of an a-graze-ing race. The kind folks at Post offered to send me a box, but after a postal system error—during which I cursed imagined package thieves before pitying them for the surprisingly fowl bounty they were about to unbox—I had to leave a polite mailbox note and desperately wait to hear from a distant neighbor in hopes they’d still have what was mistakenly delivered to them.

Thankfully, this kind soul was able to recover my morning soul food, and here I sit: pastorally sampling the stuff to see if it’s cud worth chewing or a dud worth ptooey-ing.

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Review: Peeps Cereal

Kellogg's Peeps Cereal Review Box

(Had to show off the lovely ‘Easter Weather’)

Peeps are cute.

There, I said it. Happy now?

I don’t care if loving their pastel colors, minimalistic anatomy, and chibi countenance makes me any less of a gritty, macho cereal blogger—sorry, Mr. Universe: I’m declining the invitation—Peeps will always be welcome on my couch and in my Easter basket, even if I end up forgetting a few half-eaten packages of them under my bed.

My dad will never let me live down that now-mummified mistake.

Aesthetic enchantment aside, I will concede that the flavor and texture of Peeps is a polarizing and tinglingly molarizing issue. While I appreciate topiary marshmallow art when it’s seasonally appropriate, I can empathize with those who avoid the chicks and bunnies like glittered styrofoam.

Because even for me, the initial thought of a Peeps Cereal seemed foreboding. Along with Sour Patch Kids Cereal and upcoming Chicken & Waffles Cereal, it felt as if three of the four cereal horsemen of the apocalypse were leading their steeds away from milky troughs and into battle. And seeing that it’s a “marshmallow-flavored cereal with marshmallows” only made me welcome whatever cereal Death’s white mare will rear (Scynnamon Scythes?).

But then I saw the box, and my worries melted into a childish frenzy of “gotta try it” tunnel vision. I mean, just look at those loop colors: I want a beaded curtain of ’em! So whether you’re a Peeps fan or protestor, join me in my trip down the double-‘mallowed rabbit hole. Continue reading

Review: Fruity Lucky Charms Cereal

Fruity Lucky Charms Box Review

How long before seasonal cereal rotations become literal?

Someday I anticipate we’ll reach a cereal singularity. When all the ideas have been made already, it will become most economically viable to print Count Chocula and S’Mores Oops! No Graham Crackers! Cereal on respective sides of the same box. Then some grocery stocker need only flip the boxes around come October and brainwash anyone who brainwash customers into believing it never happened.

No need to read that box back, humble shopper. Just chew on that cocoa corn, because we’ve always been at war with Boo Berry.

But until that dark chocolate day arises, we must remain hesitant about letting seemingly carbon-copied cereals get away with döppelganging up against us brave breakfast lovers. That’s why when I first heard General Mills was releasing Fruity Lucky Charms, I immediately saw it as a 10-month early reanimation of Franken Berry under a different name: perhaps out of creative laziness, perhaps to use up a few thousand quarts of near-expired strawberry syrup.

So I’ll try the stuff, for sure, but don’t think I won’t be swapping my spoon for a pitchspork, just in case I need to incite a little bedlam.

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Review: Catalina Crunch Ditch Sugar – Dark Chocolate Artisan Cereal

Catalina Crunch Dark Chocolate Cereal Review Ditch Sugar

“Oh, cereal? That old fuddy-duddy?” I chuckle, as I sunbathe alarmingly bronzed and sunglassed before taking a swig of milk from a neon pink thermos, “For a hip, working fella like myself, only Diet Cereal will do. It’s sugar-free, and isn’t that just sweet?

As my smiling commercial fantasy fades out, I’m left with the lucidly real task of reviewing Catalina Crunch’s DITCH SUGAR (as it’s stylized) Dark Chocolate Artisan Cereal. This is tough, because this is not the kind of cereal I usually review here—sure, I’ve tackled healthy cereals, but no sugar? That’s like eating a hot dog bun with just ketchup. Full disclosure, I received this sample from Catalina Snacks, and I chose to review it fairly as a way to diversify my cereal coverage—and hopefully reach internationally soon.

I heard Italian cereal is that real good, deep-dish stuff.

But unlike Diet Coke and its artificial ilk, Catalina Crunch DITCH SUGAR (which I could tattoo on my knuckles) is non-calorically sweetened with plant-derived stevia, meaning this cereal is practically a vegetable. And along with the cocoa fruit? Hand me a dinner Pop-Tart, because I’m set, baby.

The cereal’s Golden Grahamic, ridged squares come in a shockingly small package. I’m not sure if it’s designed to be mixed in with yogurt or smoothies, but it hardly makes a modest bowl alone—unless I’m meant to load a magazine of them into my breakfast cannon and go off. So with careful portion control, I’ll try and make my taste test long enough to get a good read (gotta turn off the Kirby function first). Continue reading

Classic Review: Paw Patrol Kix – Honey & Berry Berry

General Mills Paw Patrol Honey Berry Berry Kix Cereal Review Box

Growing up, I never ate Kix.

Sure, I ate plenty of knuckle sandwiches, but thankfully my school bullies were usually too stout for their ham-thighed roundhouses to reach my molars.

Oh, and I never ate Kix cereal, either. Why? Because in a sea of colorful boxes and bug-eyed cartoon sirens staring down at me, it was hard to justify choosing…lightly flavored corn puffs for my weekly breakfasts—especially with the phonetically similar and superiorly fruit-shaped Trix just a hop, skip and a fist-pump away.

Now years later, the typically un-personified Kix brand is now fronted by Paw Patrol, a show apparently beloved by today’s young’ns. I don’t know what the show is about, so I’m just going to tell myself it involves a canine Village People cover band.

Thankfully, General Mills sent me a couple boxes of the stuff, in both Honey and Berry Berry. So while I wait for some of this and next year’s exciting cereals to arrive, I figured I’d do some dark timeline-traveling and relive the childhood I’m probably glad I never had. Continue reading

Review: Trader Joe’s Crunchy Maple Ladders Cereal

Trader Joe's Crunchy Maple Ladders

Falafel and honey.

Hummus and chocolate sauce.

Chana masala and marshmallow fluff.

As you can obviously tell by these obviously real and totally classic flavor combos, pairing chickpeas with sweet flavor is a totally normal and not eyebrow-raising thing to do. I mean, why else would Trader Joe’s make a chickpea, corn, and rice flour cereal flavored with maple syrup? People have definitely probably maybe been roasting garbanzo beans in whipped cream for centuries!

In all seriousness, once you get over the novelty of this psyllium-rich, gluten-free cereal’s ingredients, the more baffling question is: why ladders? Trader Joe’s site poses this explanation:

“Does every morning feel like an uphill climb? Is breakfast a bore, a chore, or—worse—a battle? We hear you. In fact, we’ve been there. So, to help make that sluggish, uphill climb feel more like a victorious ascent, we’ve created another great breakfast cereal.”

But that seems like a stretch to me. If they wanted to make a cereal shaped like something morning-friendly, they could have make crunchy coffee cups, chewy snooze alarms, or crispy traffic-free commutes. But no, instead we have these ladders, which look like modernized Graham Crackos that migrated to Canada.* As a certified maple fanatic who is seriously considering a French Toast Crunch tattoo, I’m ready to see if these ladders can climb up to my lofty standards. Continue reading

Review: Birthday Cake Rice Krispies Treats

Kellogg's Birthday Cake Rice Krispies Treats Review Box

Happy birthday, Jesus! I baked you a cake!

Well, okay, no I didn’t. I barely have enough culinary talent to make Chex Mix without my kitchen turning into an inferno of exploding pretzel kindling. I’m sure you could bake your own cake easily enough anyway—you won’t even need yeast, since you know so much about rising again.

But I did get you these new Birthday Cake Rice Krispies Treats, which are studded with fun rainbow sprinkles and all kinds of icing. I know loaves and fishes are more your thing, but hey: I think I’ve got some Wonder Bread and Parmesan Goldfish in the back.

So regardless of whether you reading this celebrate Christmas or not, let’s break out the wine and Krispies Treats and have a holly jolly day. Continue reading