Tag Archives: 7 rating

Review: Boo Berry Monster Cereal (2017)

General Mills Boo Berry Monster Cereal 2017 Review Box

And the 2017 “Most Improved Monster” award goes to…Boo Berry!

Yes, it’s true, everyone’s favorite indigo apparition has stepped up his game this year—in my past two years of Boo Berry reviews, his dubiously ambiguous and ambiguously dubious “fruit flavor” has lived in Count Chocula and Franken Berry‘s shadows. Ironic, for someone who’s essentially an anthropomorphized blue shadow.

But before we give Boo his third annual taste test, I have an important announcement: Happy Halloween! May your night be full of macabre merriment and no fewer than 8 fun-sized Snickers—and by “fun-sized” I mean “king-sized” because that’s where the real fun is.

Closing out this monster cereal review trilogy feels like a fitting way to celebrate—that’s why I originally wrote this review by stupidly replacing every instance of the “oo” vowel sound with “boo,” but switched back because it was unreadable.

Okay fine, I didn’t actually do this—but self-deprecation is the key to successful blogging, and man I sure am dumb! Continue reading

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Review: Nature’s Path Organic Frosted Pumpkin Pie Toaster Pastries

Nature's Path Organic Frosted Pumpkin Pie Toaster Pastries Review Box

It’s like that old children’s book:

If you make a Pop-Tart organic, it’ll want a typewriter to tell people about it.
If you give that Pop-Tart a typewriter, it’ll need thick-rimmed glasses to see the keys.
When you give it thick-rimmed glasses, the Pop-Tart will need to know the proper pronunciation of “quinoa” for its upcoming poetry slam…

I jest, but Nature’s Path Organic’s toaster pastries are, in my mind’s eye, Hipster Pop-Tarts. And just like Trader John Misty—err, I mean, “Joe”—Nature’s Path has a sleek, pumpkin spiced pastry to compete with Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts: Kellogg’s big guns.

(And we all know Pop-Tart guns should be taken seriously.) Continue reading

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Review: Quaker Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal

Quaker Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal Review – Box

October 14th, 2017: the day Dan finally shut up about wanting a gingerbread cereal.

Yes, this is a landmark day—literally: the spot where I excitedly stamped my feet upon tasting Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal is now craterous enough to be deemed a geologic point of interest. I’ve begged for a gingerbread cereal (Gingerbread Toast Crunch, to be more specific, but gingerbeggars can’t be choosers) since the first year I had enough teeth to eat both a gingerbread man and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And after decades of disappointment, that stoically grinning Quaker Oats guy must have finally felt my annoying laments reverberate through his 2-dimensional cardboard plane, because we now have Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal: America’s first ever gingerbread breakfast cereal.

I told myself I’d wait ’til winter months to review this stuff, since i have so many autumn treats to write about, but pumpkin spice and caramel apple be damned: if I don’t give my inner child this one, he’s going to beat my internal organs with a whiffle ball bat and a pair of Sock’em Boppers. Continue reading

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Review: Steak ‘n Shake Breakfast Cereal Milkshakes (Cinnamon Crunch & Honey Smacks)

Steak 'n Shake Breakfast Cereal Milkshakes

Whoever first decided to pair milkshakes with cereal deserves a monument. Only a giant marble shake cup will do, preferably filled with liquid platinum and gold nuggets to stand in for soft serve-soaked cereal nibs. It’s an unexpectedly genius idea: sure, cereal and milk have an esteemed history, but you don’t generally associate an indulgent dessert like a milkshake with anything breakfast related—unless you had a bad night at the casino and want to make one last terrible 4am choice.

Now I may revoke my celebration of the breakfast shake’s inventor if this confection enables the shuddersome creation of cereal-infused cheese, but for now, let’s celebrate this golden age of shakes by uniting sugared cereals and cold cream cylinders in holy gastro-matrimony—at a place that’s literally 50% founded on milkshakes.

Yes, Steak ‘n Shake has 5 new Breakfast Shakes—technically 4, because one is Caramel Latte and you can tell the other shakes are only bringing him along because their moms made them (I’ve been there, buddy…as Caramel Latte). I intend to review all of them—Frosted Flakes, Cocoa Krispies, Cinnamon Crunch, and Honey Smacks—eventually, but based on how late my shake-seeking partner and I made it to The House of Beef and Lactose, I didn’t want to be up until 4am with a sugar-addled brain and an abdomen swollen to the size of a cow’s first three stomachs.

Because at that point, I’d feel terrible enough to go back for a fifth. Continue reading

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Review: Quaker Corn Crunch Cereal

Quaker Corn Crunch Cereal Review – Box

There are some cereals you’d never expect to have a cult following. Honeycomb and Alpha-Bits are good examples. They’re classics sure, but unlike Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s sect of cinnamon sugar swirlers or Cap’n Crunch’s church of masochistic roof-of-mouth manglers, you never really hear people say Honeycomb or Alpha-Bits are their favorite cereals.

That is, until Post changes those cereals’ formulas, and I get gobsmacked by hundreds of torched and pitchforked comments from angry breakfast lovers blaming me for ruining their childhood memories.

Sorry, Bertha from North Dakota. I swear I just make dumb cereal jokes, not actual cereal.

Honeycomb rants aside, another cereal with a shockingly devoted fandom is Quaker’s Corn Bran Crunch. As one of those closet Corn Bran Crunch geeks, I wrote up a glowing tribute review to the stuff a while back, and the article’s popularity revealed that many share my niche passion for fibrous corn cuboids.

As comments kept rolling in, my fellow quirky Quaker-ers kept me posted on a developing narrative for our beloved Corn Bran Crunch. Tragically, the stuff disappeared for a while, and inquiring fans were told that a production error had put Corn Bran Crunch had put the cereal on hiatus.

But then it returned, and after the initial glorious hysteria wore off, something was very clearly different. The Bran had ran away somewhere down the line, leaving behind Corn Crunch, which, despite its alliterative name, allegedly tasted far different.

Continue reading

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Review: International Delight Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Coffee Creamer

International Delight Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Coffee Creamer Review – Bottle

If you’re like me, coffee is as much a cornerstone of every balanced breakfast as a bowl of cereal—and the two pair perfectly like yin and yang. Seriously: just picture a yin yang, with one half being coffee with a dab of cream and the other being milk with a single Cocoa Puff.

My love affair with bitter coffee and sweet cereal is pervasive, so much so that I couldn’t resist reviewing a buzz-worthy new coffee product that brings all the whimsical childhood spirit of a breakfast cereal into the comparatively adult territory of caffeinated beverage flavor-enhancing agents: International Delight’s new Reese’s Cup Coffee Creamer.

I hope you’ll forgive me for not reviewing an overtly cereal-related product on this blog—though I promise this post will end in me pouring the stuff on cereal—but I’ve been meaning to branch my content topics into other breakfast staples, too. If you hate this idea, let me know in the comments. Or if you love this idea and want me to tackle Eggo waffles, scrambled eggs, or scrambled egg-stuffed Eggo waffles next, let me know that, too.

But while you gather your spoons and pitchforks, let’s revel in some socially acceptable liquid candy! Continue reading

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Review: Quaker Overnight Oats – Toasted Coconut & Almond Crunch

Quaker Toasted Coconut & Almond Crunch Overnight Oats Review – Cup

Is it just me, or has the humble coconut been having a quietly nutty couple years in the breakfast aisle?

Before 2016, we rarely saw the milk-stuffed tropical sphere appear at breakfast time—unless we watched Monty Python’s Holy Grail while eating our Saturday morning munchies—but now it seems like every Girl Scout, superfood, and massive anthropomorphized consonant is paying homage to the fruit with translucent slivers of coconutty love. I can’t say for certain just why there’s been a coconut resurgence. Perhaps it’s piggybacking off the coconut oil fad, but I like to believe it’s because Super Mario Sunshine’s 15th anniversary is next month.

Regardless, it unfortunately doesn’t feel like any recent coconut breakfast food really nails the coconut experience—Nature’s Path’s latest Love Crunch flavor comes closest, but even then, the dark chocolate is the star of the show.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “Oh, since this is his introduction to a Toasted Coconut & Almond Crunch Overnight Oats review, that must mean this new Quaker product finally breaks the ‘weak coconut streak’ like a cracked coconut over a marooned cartoon islander’s head!”

Wrong. Sorry to break the bad news, like a cracked coconut broken over a…you know…but this second flavor of Quaker Overnight Oats I’ve tried (after the borderline heavenly Raisin Walnut & Honey Heaven) doesn’t get coconut right, either. But what it does get right is that other nut in its name. Boy, does it ever. Continue reading

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Review: Burger King Lucky Charms Shake

Burger King Lucky Charms Shake Review Cereal

Which Lucky Charms marshmallow is your favorite? Is it the mashed-up blue chunk? The pureéd orange bit? Ooh, or is it the pulverized pink smithereen? I love that one.

Well no matter which iconic Lucky Charms marbit you fancy, you’ll totally be able to recognize it in Burger King’s brand new Lucky Charms Shake. This cereal milkshake is an iridescent cylinder of rainbow-specked vanilla soft serve that’s blended with real Lucky Charms shrapnel and a secretive marshmallowy cereal syrup so rich with Lucky Charms flavor that whichever cow the ice cream came from is now shouting “It’s moo-gically delicious!” via an unseen telepathic stimulus.

Or at least, that’s my poetic interpretation of how Burger King describes its Lucky Charms Shake. It’ll take a serious taste test to see if the shake lives up to its namesake cereal’s legacy, and as someone who sucks at just about everything, I feel qualified to suck this breakfast–dessert hybrid down in the name of journalism. Continue reading

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