Oh, hey there Canada. No, no, I totally didn’t forget your 150th birthday. See, I made you this cake!
What’s that? There’s a price tag on the container? Okay, you got me, I just bought a plain grocery store cake and frosted the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA” on it myself.
Hmm? You say the cake says “HAVE A BROADWAY CAN OF DUFF”? Dang it, I can’t trust those old ladies at the bakery to hear anything right.
Well at least I didn’t do what Kellogg’s did. They just cobbled together a hodge-podge of Canada-colored flavors into a new Limited Edition Froot Loops flavor and called it “Birthday Cake.” What do I mean by that? Well allow me to tell you more, Canada—all 35.85 million of you. Continue reading →
Can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Instant Oatmeal—or as some call it in Canada: “Croque Cannele Gruau Instantané?”
Of course: it’s got cinnamon sugar amorphous globs in every bite! It’s the taste you can see…still sticking to your ceiling three weeks later if you fling it hard enough.
Wait, wait—that’s the oatmeal’s old slogan. The new one is much better: crave those crazy hot oat lumps!
Fine, I give up. There’s no real appetizing catchphrase for Canada’s second new cereal-oatmeal hybrid. And even if there was, a burnt sienna bowl of microwaved roses by any other name would taste just as sweet. Or in the case of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal, just as bland and disappointing. I know I usually leave my opinion out of each review’s introduction, but I couldn’t resist spoiling my spoiled breakfast from the get-go. This oatmeal has a host of toasty problems, so let’s work backwards and try sourcing its flaws like a paleontologist doing CSI on a pile of raptor skeletons. Continue reading →
Ever wonder what would happen if a French Toast Crunch bread slice decided it wanted to be a doughnut instead?
Well wonder no longer: assuming you have a passport or Canadian citizenship. Because Maple Cheerios—baffling stylized as Cheerios Maple—has quietly dripped onto Canadian shelves as smoothly as syrup through a spigot. It’s a Special Edition flavor released to celebrate Canada’s 150th birthday, so stuff the waffle iron back in the pantry and enjoy a cake pan’s worth of this pancake-flavored stuff while you can. I know I’m going to do whatever it takes to get my sticky, Waffle Crisp-stained mitts on a box, whether that means negotiating, migrating, or mutating into a man-moose hybrid.
And speaking of Waffle Crisp, I have high hopes that these Cheerios will taste more authentically maple-y, since they are flavored with real maple syrup. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be stuffing flapjacks with these crunchy syrup circles in no time.
Massive thanks to our friends at Junk Food Canada for sharing the photo above. Maple Cheerios may not be as interesting as Birthday Cake Froot Loops, which are also hitting Canadian breakfast aisles as we speak, but hey: most of my birthday cakes involve maple syrup anyway.
(Most of my birthday cakes are pancakes.)
Got a cool cereal photo of your own to share? Spoon it over to cerealously.net@gmail.com for a chance to see it on the site.
I swear, 2017 so far has just been a back-and-forth battle between the U.S. and Canada to see who can release the coolest cereal exclusives. To name just a few of this crunchy conflict’s top warriors, banana bread and marshmallowy oatmeal have led Team Canada, while America’s platoon has been led by cookies, cookies, and, uh…more cookies.
It’s been a real war of nutrition attrition, with the only real winners being those who live along the border. But I think it’ll be hard for the States to retaliate against their northern neighbors’ latest cereal salvo: Birthday Cake Froot Loops, coming this summer to celebrate Canada’s 150th anniversary.
The first known photo of this stuff comes courtesy of JunkFoodCanada on Instagram, who I can only assume acquired the picture through some top secret breakfast espionage involving bowl-touting drones and lasers reflected off spoons.
I have no idea what Birthday Cake Froot Loops will taste like—or why Kellogg’s Canada gave such a custardy vanilla flavor to a fruity cereal instead of, say, Frosted Flakes (they could’ve called them “Frosting Flakes!”)—but based on the color, I’m hoping it has a nice strawberry shortcake or cherry vanilla flavor.
My silent apologies to any kid who got a strawberry shortcake for his birthday. They may be good, but strawberry shortcakes will never hold a blubbery candle to Fudgie the Whale.
For most of my time running this blog, I’ve had to console my Canadian friends who can’t get any U.S.-exclusive cereals without enlisting an expensive flock of highly trained carrier pigeons to do their dirty work. But now? We’re only 2 months into 2017, and Canada has already got a Quebec-sized pile of delicious exclusives!
First they got arguably the world’s first banana bread-flavored cereal. Then they got the coolest Corn Flakes box you could possibly wake up to. And now they’ve got Lucky Charms Oatmeal and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal. At this rate of awesomeness I bet they’ll have an ice cream sandwich-flavored Cap’n Crunch cereal by next week. And it’ll somehow involve Pokémon, too.
These new oatmeals, based off two of General Mills’s most popular cereals, mix squishy-licious instant oatmeal with either rainbow Lucky Charms marshmallows or a swirling auburn galaxy of crunchy Cinnamon Toast Crunch bits. Either way, you can’t go wrong—though I wonder if hot oatmeal would make Lucky’s marbits instantly melt into technicolor puddles. I hope these oatmeals sell well, because I want to see General Mills try Cookie Crisp Oatmeal and Reese’s Puffs Oatmeal next.
What hypothetical cereal–oatmeal combo would you love to munch the most?
Big thanks go to our friend Junk Food Dog for sending in this picture, which he took at Zehrs. 5 boxes for $10 is such a good deal that I can only assume he bought the whole display case of ’em. Who needs to pay rent when you can build a house out of sugary deliciousness?
If you’ve got a cereal or oatmeal photo of your own to share, pass it along on our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.
Canada’s immigration website is about to crash again.
No, that wasn’t a politically motivated prediction—this blog is non-partisan, except for when it comes to the S’Mores Jungle Party. I just think that America’s northern neighbors are about to see a whole lot more hungry tourists once word gets out about Post’s new Canada-exclusive Banana Bread Shreddies Cereal.
See, the U.S. has a tragic drought of banana-flavored cereals. Sure, we have plenty of Banana Republic stores and enough bad ukulele covers of Jack Johnson’s “Banana Pancakes” to fill an audiobook, but if we want banana in our cereal, it’s oatmeal, Great Grains Banana Nut Crunch, or nothing. All the great banana breakfasts of our time, from 1981’s Banana Frosted Flakes to last year’s Minions Banana Berry Cereal, have left us for the great jungle in the sky where all bananas go when they grow brown and mushy.
And speaking of brown bananas, we’ve never had a strictly banana bread-flavored cereal. The cozy flavor of Grandma’s kitchen seems perfect for a bite-sized breakfast, which is why these Banana Bread Shreddies are sure to pique the curiosity of humans, monkeys, and Raffis everywhere.
So let’s renew our passports and peel open a box of it. Continue reading →
