Tag Archives: cap’n crunch

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolate Caramel Crunch + Churro Bites!

New Cap'n Crunch Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Box

Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch is a weird guy. In fact, I once wrote an op-ed about how the Cap’n is one of the last remaining bastions of cereal’s ’80s & ’90s golden era, back when off-the-wall breakfast gimmicks were a dime a chocolate-coated dozen. While other cereal brands were trying to remove artificial ingredients and promote active, on-the-go mealtimes, Cap’n Crunch was still wack-adaisically dropping Creamsicle and Cotton Candy cereals—not to mention atomically colored Slurpees and pancake syrup.

And don’t even get me started on Canuck Crunch.

As a result, I’m always eager to see what else this kooky Cap’n and his detached eyebrows has up his nonsensically nautical sleeves.

That said, I’ll admit Quaker’s latest Chocolate Caramel Crunch isn’t quite as inspired as the Cap’n’s other seafaring fare—the combo of chest pieces and flavored Crunch Berries reminds me of the lackluster Chocolatey Berry Crunch. But I am interested to see if there’s better caramel flavor here than in the likewise *meh* Cap’n Crunch’s Caramel Popcorn Crunch. Continue reading

News: Cap’n Crunch Treats (Crunch Berries & Peanut Butter Crunch)

New Cap'n Crunch Treats

When I saw reports of these “New” Cap’n Crunch Treats, I got some serious dĂ©jĂ  chew, and suddenly I was transported back to the strange, alien world of 2013. Back then, I was but an innocent student with an X-treme nacho cheese chip on my shoulder—classic college prank, real funny, guys—and this blog was still a twinkle in my cereal-scarfing eye.

The Crunch Berry and Peanut Butter Crunch Cap’n Crunch Treats of that era were just about identical looking to the above ones, which hit stores this month—albeit with box art featuring the Cap’n making the two halves of his Treat kiss, instead of the intimidating “here comes the plane” drizzle he’s doing today.

But the fact of the matter is that these Treats, while no doubt delicious, are not new. In fact, the idea of Cap’n Crunch Bars has existed since the late ’90s. I can’t blame Quaker for treat-ing these like they’re new, though. I mean, who among us, besides the anal-retentive breakfast bloggers, can keep track of which cereals have passed the BAR exam? At this point, the mutualistic amalgamation of cereal pieces into a single, stronger organism just feels like a natural stage in any cereal’s evolutionary lifecycle. Though I will note, interestingly, that these Cap’n Crunch Treats appear to use pieces of various sizes—giving them the exotic geologic appearance of riverbed minerals.

How might such a sedimentary strategy affect their taste? I’ll have to find out, assuming I can find these tempting Cap’n Crunch Treats.

Review: Smartfood Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries Popcorn

Smartfood Cap'n Crunch Berries Popcorn Review

There is beauty in simplicity. This is known.

Example: in the 200,000ish-person city where I live, despite dozens of renowned restaurants and artisan makers, perhaps my favorite menu item is a modest egg & cheddar on ciabatta sandwich. The ability to do so much with so few ingredients never fails to blow me away and make me scramble back for more. I mean, have you seen most sandwiches these days? Their menu descriptions are borderline biblical, with so much stuff stuffed within that it’s as hard to taste anything in particular as it is to eat the thing without it prolapsing prosciutto and quarts of aioli all over your hands.

But I digress. And wipe my fingers off.

I’ll admit, when it was first announced, Smartfood’s new Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries popcorn mix turned me off with its very concept. Sharp hulls and serrated Crunch Berries teaming up to shred my palate? My dental insurance is expensive enough. But now that I’ve actually got a chance to try the stuff, I’m happy to say that I was wrong, and Cap’n Crunch is a master of minimalistic munchies. Continue reading

Review: Aunt Jemima & Cap’n Crunch’s Berrytastic Pancake Mix with Ocean Blue Syrup

New Aunt Jemima Cap'n Crunch Pancake Mix Review Berrytastic Box

So, I have this tradition. Every March 6th, without fail, just before my temple greets its parish of pillows, I will jolt awake with childlike wonder and adultlike anxiety, having suddenly remembered that National Cereal Day is on March 7th, and I’ve totally forgotten to draft up meaningful content.

Cut to me, scraggled by crummy overhead lighting and disheveled as the pantry shelves I’m whipping through like a lethargic whirlwind. I mean, can you blame me? Sure, I’ve got cereal on my mind a lot, but National Cereal Day has long been an annual anomaly that exists without discernible reason nor rhyme, just an arbitrarily selected and sweetened day from the never-ending passage of time.

I’m sure that’s just my brain complaining though, as it desperately wishes to get back to its dreams of supermodels eating soups or salads or whatever else my nefarious noggin gets into when I’m severed from it by sleep. After all, what better way to celebrate everyone’s favorite morning munchie than by groggily griddling up the stuff by the battered scoopful at 2am?

Though it may not be a proper cereal, Cap’n Crunch and Aunt Jemima’s historic new partnership is practically begging for National Cereal Day’s spotlight. Why? Well, not because it’s good, but because it’s so stupid, it’s great.

Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Cereal & Pancakes! (IHOP & Cap’n Crunch)

New IHOP Cereal Pancakes (Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch)

(UPDATED MARCH 2: IHOP is adding frequent Lucky Charms co-collaborator Cinnamon Toast Crunch to their cereal pancake ensemble, and Cap’n Crunch too!)

Finally. Validation.

For too long, I’ve been playfully chided by friends, frenemies and sea anemones alike for my admittedly uncommon habit of drizzling maple syrup on just about every cereal out there—just to see if it’s good! And it almost always is! But now? IHOP is giving me implicit permission to go full hog on a stack of cereal pancakes, amber lagoon and all.

What’s that? There’s no mention of syrup in this ad for IHOP’s new Cereal Pancakes? Well, there’s (strangely) no explicit brand mention of Lucky Charms either, so forgive me for wanting what is already no-doubt a brain-buzzer of sugary madness to slide down my gullet a bit easier.

IHOP Cap'n Crunch Pancakes

Sure the Lucky Charms (Fruity Lucky Charms, specifically) pieces are exciting, but what’s got me geeked here is the “CREAMY CEREAL MILK MOUSSE” drizzled about with ersatz artistry. No clue exactly what it’ll taste like, but if I’m already taking creative liberties with these panned cakes, I might as well scrape off all the mousse, replace it with syrup, and take it home to eat with a bowl of Eggo Cereal.

Because no disrespect to IHOP, but only one ounce of awesomeness? I can do better. Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Smartfood Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries Popcorn Mix

New Smartfood Cap'n Crunch Crunch Berries Popcorn Mix

Some cereal mix-’em-ups make sense: after all, the likes of Muddy Buddies and Rice Krispies Treats have largely superseded the reputation of their constituent cereals and become dessert icons in their own right. Though I’d still eat literal puppy chow if it meant getting a Muddy Buddies Cereal.

Then there are others that feel fresh off the boat from some Procedurally Generated Ideas Summit, held annually in international waters where all laws of common sense don’t apply—and Cap’n Crunch has had his fare share of nautically nonsensical tie-ins.

Now I’m not saying that a Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries Popcorn Mix doesn’t sound downright delectable—after all, it wouldn’t be the Cap’n’s first foray out of the cereal bowl and into an oddly shaped crystal dinner party bowl. But where those earlier mixes presented unique flavors unseen in cereal-form Cap’n Crunch—and with greater depth of candied add-ons—Smartfood’s new Crunch Berries Popcorn Mix feels comparatively uninspired.

I mean, Crunch Berries already have a corn ‘n’ oat base, while Cap’n’s golden chest pieces are known for their buttery goodness. Therefore I have to imagine that we won’t gain much beyond a little salt and some textural contrast by subbing kernels for chests. From what little we can see of this popcorn mix—this first photo was generously provided by Dijana J. on Instagram—the Crunch Berries stand alone in the realm of mix-ins. As if getting hulls stuck in your teeth wasn’t bad enough, what’s a little salt for your roof-of-mouth wounds too?

Here’s hoping the nether region of this bag reveals some sweet surprises, otherwise we have no choice but to wait for Smartfood to roll out DLC M&M’s.

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Hero Crunch

Cap'n Crunch's Hero Crunch Dollar General Cereal Box

What better way to celebrate the Fourth of July than with the Fourth patriotic Cap’n Crunch box to come out in the past two years?

Personally, I never expected last year’s mythically rumored and inscrutably unavailable Freedom Crunch to spread its wings once more, but now it’s reprinting its same red, white, and blue Crunch Berries like they’re state quarters.

This year, we saw the concept return in a milder, more bottle rocketed form, and just this month, we saw it debut with perhaps its most creative art yet—one that ditches the Cap’n’s stink eye in favor of one that borders on a Crunch-led assault against Independence Day alien invaders.

Finally, we have the above, Dollar General-exclusive Hero Crunch. This is perhaps the most bizarre case of an unnecessary product variant I’ve seen in four score and seven years, between the militant (and likely ineffective) camouflage and the unadorned Cap’n whose arm appears to be reverberating through space and time.

I mean c’mon, couldn’t they have at least given him a ghillie suit?

Our thanks to Gabe Fonseca for the photo. You can find Hero Crunch now at Dollar General—if it doesn’t blend into the shelves.

Review: Cap’n Crunch’s Cotton Candy Crunch

Cap'n Crunch's Cotton Candy Crunch Review Box

For most of my life, I thought the best thing about cotton candy was its mascot: that nameless pink monster who not only looks like the lovechild of Mr. Bubble and a loofah, but who also deserves a place at the Halloween breakfast table right next to Chocula and his ilk.

But now that I’ve grown into a bubbly loafer of an adult, I’m just as enthralled with cotton candy’s many monikers around the world. It was first called ‘dragon’s breath’ in China’s Han dynasty around 200 CE, ‘candy floss’ in many European countries today, ‘sugar spin’ in Norway…’grandma’s hair’ in Greece…and…uhh…’dad’s beard’ in France.

And here I thought eating cotton sounded unappealing. “Better fluff than follicles,” as my clean-shaven dad always said.

Thanks to Quaker and Cap’n Crunch, we now have a new way to talk about cotton candy: with our mouths full. By turning the melt-in-your-mouth ephemera of cotton candy into something crunchy and tongue-stable, the Cap’n is expanding his line of wacky one-offs with Cotton Candy Crunch.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a nearby circus or country fair to review (and deep fry) this stuff at, but luckily, I’m enough of a clown that I feel qualified to taste test it from the comfort of my big honkin’ bed. Continue reading