Tag Archives: cherry

Review: Frosted Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Frosted Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart Review Box

Three Musketeers.

Milky Way.


In five seconds, I thought of three candy flavors I would’ve expected to exist before a Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart ever touched my tongue—let alone three Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts. Heck, if you asked me last year, even more obscure candies like 100 Grand or Whoppers Pop-Tarts would’ve had a 100,000% higher likelihood of existing than Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts.

(The only thing less likely would’ve been Circus Peanut Pop-Tarts)

Yet here I am, eating my ∞th iridescent Pop-Tart this week. I’m not mad that Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts—a line that also includes Green Apple and Watermelon—exist, I’m just surprised. I might as well make the most of the most of these Tarts’ limited edition existence—with something this cosmically wacky, the toaster pastry gods could revoke their existential right at any moment—by reviewing them all in a week. It’s like they say: when life gives you cherry pastries colored redder than bloody murder, make some sort of -ade that belongs in an elevator at the Overlook Hotel.

And besides, if I really want a “traditional” candy bar Pop-Tart, I could just throw a Snickers into a panini press and make my own. Continue reading

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Review: Trader Joe’s Tart Cherry, Chia and Pumpkin Seed Oatmeal

Trader Joe's Cherry, Chia and Pumpkin Seed Oatmeal Cup

Consider the humble cherry.

Long-overshadowed by strawberry, the people’s champion, and grape, its cheaper taste analogue, cherry has been trapped in a breakfast aisle pitfall for decades. Sure, there’s Frute Brute, who’s currently trapped in General Mills’s monster mausoleum  for…well…ever, probably. And there are Cherry Pop-Tarts, who go unnoticed like the rosy-cheeked nerd girl in every teen movie whose sweetness is only revealed to the one boy brave enough to give her a chance (my Pop-Tart metaphors are complex).

But other than those two and a few obscure health cereals, cherry is very rarely seen as breakfast fare. Which is unfair, because any fruit that tops sundaes and acts as the Kool-Aid Man’s lifeblood deserves a spot at my table.

Thankfully, Trader Joe—a longtime liberator of unsung and under-appreciated flavors—is giving cherry a shot in his latest instant oatmeal cup. This is the same Joseph who once one-upped Pop-Tarts by cramming both cherry and pomegranate into a single toaster pastry,  a mad feat I haven’t seen since 1998, when The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, sending him plummeting 16ft through an announcer’s table.

Staying true to his squirrelly status as “the Uncle Joey of grocery stores,” Trader Joe also stuffed chia and pumpkin seeds into this plastic oat cylinder. Let’s celebrate the dawn of spring by watching this one blossom in the microwave. Continue reading

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