Tag Archives: cinnamon

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal (Canada)

General Mills Canada: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Instant Oatmeal Box Review

Can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Instant Oatmeal—or as some call it in Canada: “Croque Cannele Gruau Instantané?” 

Of course: it’s got cinnamon sugar amorphous globs in every bite! It’s the taste you can see…still sticking to your ceiling three weeks later if you fling it hard enough.

Wait, wait—that’s the oatmeal’s old slogan. The new one is much better: crave those crazy hot oat lumps!

Fine, I give up. There’s no real appetizing catchphrase for Canada’s second new cereal-oatmeal hybrid. And even if there was, a burnt sienna bowl of microwaved roses by any other name would taste just as sweet. Or in the case of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal, just as bland and disappointing. I know I usually leave my opinion out of each review’s introduction, but I couldn’t resist spoiling my spoiled breakfast from the get-go. This oatmeal has a host of toasty problems, so let’s work backwards and try sourcing its flaws like a paleontologist doing CSI on a pile of raptor skeletons. Continue reading

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Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Lip Balm

General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Lip Balm Chapstick Packaging

What can I say: sometimes I just love cereal so much, I want to kiss it.

I know, I know: a bad one-liner to introduce a bad review. But since this Cinnamon Toast Crunch Lip Balm is the first ever non-edible product I’ve reviewed here, I didn’t know how else to start.

If the antiquated art didn’t give it away, this lip balm totally isn’t new, but I found it in a local grocery bargain bin—along with 10(!) other cereal “flavors”—and I couldn’t resist. I was tempted to drop a crisp green Alexander Hamilton, buy all of them, and coat my mouth ’til it became a living pair of those candy wax lips, but I found some self-restraint and chose the one that sounded like it’d be the most pleasant to have slathered near my taste buds all afternoon.

I’m not saying Cocoa Puff-smacked lips isn’t an appetizing idea, I’m just saying I’ve had enough public Mr. Goodbar mishaps to give me pause. Continue reading

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Review: Trader Joe’s Organic Frosted Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastries

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastries Box

Toaster pastry family dynamics are confusing.

Take the Brown Sugar Cinnamons, for example. From Kellogg’s to Kroger, every brand under the toaster oven’s warming sun has a unique take on Brown Sugar Cinnamon, but they all taste different. Sometimes, I like to try connecting each doughy rectangle on an imaginary family tree.

You have the OG pastry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, a sweet and sugary gal who was clearly raised by a “fun parent:” the kind of hyperactive, dad joke-slinging manchild who I aspire to be someday. You have Cinnamon Roll with Brown Sugar Toaster Strudels, who stays cold and aloof in his room until you warm him up and he comes alive. And you have Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie, the plump child who ran away from home to become a barista and eat one too many Starbucks marble loaves during his break.

Now there’s Trader Joe’s new Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastry. He must’ve been raised by the family’s all organic, hippy grandma out west. Just why do I say that? Well let’s ask the quirky quadrilateral himself. Continue reading

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Review: Trader Joe’s Crunchy Cinnamon Squares Cereal

Trader Joe's Crunchy Cinnamon Squares Cereal Box

Is 2017 poised to be the Year of Cinnamon?

Cinnamon Pebbles hit shelves just as the new year did. Cinnamon Frosted Flakes will be making its full, nationwide debut this month. And now, with the release of these Crunchy Cinnamon Squares, Trader Joe is eyeing the cereal aisle’s “Sugar-Swirled Cinnamon” throne. His cookie butter-colored irises watch deviously as Cinnamon Toast Crunch sits squarely on that very same seat.

“Soon,” he whispers.

But will Trader Joe’s newest cereal be tasty enough to overthrow a 22-year old cinnamon dynasty? The side of its box claims that, “after one bite you may want to eat these Crunchy Cinnamon Squares for every meal,” but the front doesn’t even feature any grandfatherly bakers or cannibalistic quadrilaterals: just the same calm blue color scheme of Andy’s wallpaper in Toy Story.  Continue reading

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Review: Cinnamon Pebbles Cereal from Post

Post Cinnamon Pebbles Cereal Box

For someone who has allegedly sworn to keep his neolithic neighbor from sampling his cereal, Fred sure is holding that bowl of overflowing Cinnamon Pebbles dangerously close to a spoon-wielding Barney.

Could Post’s newest Pebbles cereal be tasty enough to settle eons-old breakfast rivalries? Is Barney secretly wearing pterodactyl slippers to get a silent jump on Fred’s mammoth bowl? Or has the cascading cinnamon stick over these lovable neanderthals’ heads inspired them to set their differences aside, as they realize that their prehistoric climate is about to be disrupted not by a meteor, but by an astronomically large spice tube?

Such questions may never be answered, unless Post releases a mail-away Cinnamon Pebbles Compendium. But there’s one question I can help answer right now: are Cinnamon Pebbles yabba-dabba-delicious? Or should they be left to prehistory, with their long-discontinued cousin: Cinna-Crunch Pebbles? Continue reading

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News: Cinnamon Pebbles Cereal is Coming January 2017!

Post New Cinnamon Pebbles Cereal Box

(Image via Post Foods)

 

(Update: We reviewed Cinnamon Pebbles!)

It’s about time Post put Fred & Barney back squarely in the cardboard spotlight.

Yeah, yeah, I know: new Cinnamon Pebbles cereal, coming from Post in January 2017, sounds exciting and delicious and all, but the real news here is that the new cereal monarchy of Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm is finally over. While The Flintstones’  Fred & Barney still grace the front of Fruity Pebbles and Cocoa Pebbles, those two rascally rugrats Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm always get to appear on new Pebbles cereals: from Sugar Cookie Pebbles to Poppin’ Pebbles and Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles.

Why? Do troglodytic infants statistically sell more cereal? Or does Pebbles think she has a contractual entitlement to every cereal featuring her name?

Either way, good ol’ Fred & Barn are here to stay: Post has already stated that Cinnamon Pebbles will permanently join Fruity and Cocoa on shelves. About 12 years ago, the brand released Cinna-Crunch Pebbles, but those quickly went the way of the dinosaur. The scientific jury is still out on whether poor sales or a grocery aisle meteorite pushed Cinna-Crunch Pebbles off shelves.

There are so many other unanswered questions, too. Even though the box says “Cinnamon Sweet Taste,” does the giant cinnamon stick on the front mean it will have some unique heat? Will Post reuse the same flavor formula from their discontinued cult favorite Mini Cinnamon Churros cereal? And with Cinnamon Pebbles suddenly competing with Kellogg’s brand new Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, will Cap’n Crunch and Jean LaFoote’s Cinnamon Crunch cereal return from the ’70s for an all-out cinnamon war?

Only time will tell. But I know one thing for sure: by the end of January, my New Year’s Resolutions and taste buds are both going to be burned raw by cinnamon goodness.

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Review: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal

Kellogg's Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal Review Box Design

The box says “Family Size,” Dan, I tell myself. That means you shouldn’t eat all the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes by yourself.

But wait! the darker side of me says. Olive Garden says “when you’re here, you’re family,” so as long as I eat this whole box in an Olive Garden parking lot, there won’t be a problem!

So that, officer, is why I’m squatting behind this pasta-filled dumpster with a bowl full of crunchy, auburn-colored flakes. Would you care for a spoonful? You can be my court-appointed family. Continue reading

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Review: Cinnamon Star Crunch Cereal from General Mills

General Mills Cinnamon Star Crunch Cereal Holiday Box

A Eulogy for Sugar Cookie Crunch:

O Cookie! my Cookie! our sweet breakfasts are done,
My spoon is in the dishwasher rack, your “prize inside” was fun,
December’s near, Salvation Army bells I hear, the people’s stomachs rumbling,
While eyes scan the cereal aisle, the boxes plump and shining;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O this new bleeding box of red,
While in the trash my last Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch lies,
Eaten, empty, and dead.

Okay, I could easily go on for two more verses, fervently typing until my own fingers fall cold and dead, but I think it’s time to move on and face the facts. Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch was arguably the most revolutionary Holiday cereal in years, but after a two-year tenure on shelves, it has been unexpectedly replaced by Generals Mills’s new Cinnamon Star Crunch. My instinct is to remain pouty and cynical, but I’m going to take “the Grinch approach:”

When someone steals your annual present, sometimes you just have to sing anyway. So let’s carve into this box like it’s a roast beast.

Continue reading

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