Tag Archives: coconut

08

Oct. ’19

Review: Toasted Coconut Cheerios

New Toasted Coconut Cheerios Review Cereal Box

Listen, I’ve been cereal blogging for four and a half years now. After about two, adjectival creativity gets tough.

I mean, even for a concept as broad as cereal, there aren’t that many words to clearly convey its flavor without getting too hokey—which I still do, to the point of putting the wrong words in and taking the right words out before I shake the sentence all about.

Sweet. Buttery. Toasted. Crunchy. I pray for anyone who’s been diligently reading long enough to count how many times I’ve even stooped to using more idiosyncratic descriptors like “hedonistic,” “sugar soaked,” or “droolbending.”

Actually, wait, I should use that last one more.

Regardless, if cereal adjectives get stale, then specific flavor words are even worse. For example, after reviewing a lengthy patchwork of pumpkin spice products, I feel obligated to pay the hyphen in pumpkin-y overtime. And that’s nothing compared to the fines I owe Merriam Webster for unlicensed neologizing.

But there’s pumpkin spice, and then there’s coconut. At least PS has like five constituent spices I can rely on to split cloven hairs: once I use the phrase coconutty in this review, it’s all over for me…and there you have it. I’m all out of ideas. Well anyway, Toasted Coconut Cheerios are good. See you in the next one! Continue reading →

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01

Oct. ’19

News: Toasted Coconut Cheerios are Coming Soon!

New Toasted Coconut Cheerios Box

Quick: forget everything you know about fall.

That big holiday everyone loves? Oh, you mean Spooksgiving?

Crunchy stuff that falls from trees? Those are bird fossils. Don’t touch.

Don’t even get me started on PSLs. Palm Sauced Luau-fuel is what I call ’em. Yes, as Cheerios has proved, something as summery as Toasted Coconut should still be allowed to be a flavor for colder seasons—for, uh, some reason.

You might think that Toasted Coconut Cheerios are just an early leak for Summer 2020, but these tropical rings have already been spotted in the pre-wintertide wild:

With all kinds of “OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS,” Toasted Coconut Cheerios will soon join a proud lineage of seasonal Cheerios. But whether it successfully staves off fall fatigue—or if it’s a bit more forgettable—remains to be seen, spiced, and sighed through autumn’s crisp, whispering winds.

Err, I mean, “Summer’s 3-Month Yawn.”

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29

Jan. ’18

Quick Review: Great Grains Coconut Almond Crunch Cereal

Post Great Grains Coconut Almond Crunch Cereal Review Box

The coconut is an odd organism.

A sphere of tropical water protected by a hairy rind so thick you could clock a cartoon character ‘cross the noggin without cracking it, the coconut as an edible fruit takes a backseat to the thing’s most iconic purposes: flavoring piña coladas, serving as a hula girl brassiere, and signaling the entrance of an invisible horse.

Yet the coconut’s incomparable flavor has still developed a cult following—most people either hate coconut, are indifferent about it, or go absolutely cuckoo and nuts about it, rubbing its various oils and butters over their face, arms, and…uh…upside-down cakes.

That’s why every time a coconut cereal comes out, I applaud it. It must be a risk for the company involved, yet it’s still a rare treat that lets me have a breakfast luau without busting out the maple-glazed pig roast.

Case in point: I’m excited to review Great Grains Coconut Almond Crunch, because two nuts are better than one.

Wait…no. I take that back! Continue reading →

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31

Jul. ’17

Review: Quaker Overnight Oats – Toasted Coconut & Almond Crunch

Quaker Toasted Coconut & Almond Crunch Overnight Oats Review – Cup

Is it just me, or has the humble coconut been having a quietly nutty couple years in the breakfast aisle?

Before 2016, we rarely saw the milk-stuffed tropical sphere appear at breakfast time—unless we watched Monty Python’s Holy Grail while eating our Saturday morning munchies—but now it seems like every Girl Scout, superfood, and massive anthropomorphized consonant is paying homage to the fruit with translucent slivers of coconutty love. I can’t say for certain just why there’s been a coconut resurgence. Perhaps it’s piggybacking off the coconut oil fad, but I like to believe it’s because Super Mario Sunshine’s 15th anniversary is next month.

Regardless, it unfortunately doesn’t feel like any recent coconut breakfast food really nails the coconut experience—Nature’s Path’s latest Love Crunch flavor comes closest, but even then, the dark chocolate is the star of the show.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “Oh, since this is his introduction to a Toasted Coconut & Almond Crunch Overnight Oats review, that must mean this new Quaker product finally breaks the ‘weak coconut streak’ like a cracked coconut over a marooned cartoon islander’s head!”

Wrong. Sorry to break the bad news, like a cracked coconut broken over a…you know…but this second flavor of Quaker Overnight Oats I’ve tried (after the borderline heavenly Raisin Walnut & Honey Heaven) doesn’t get coconut right, either. But what it does get right is that other nut in its name. Boy, does it ever. Continue reading →

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19

Jul. ’17

Review: Nature’s Path Love Crunch Dark Chocolate Macaroon Cereal

Nature's Path Organic Love Crunch Dark Chocolate Macaroon Cereal Review – Box

In this era of snarky infographics and predacious BuzzFeedian BuzzFoodies, it’s hard for anyone to mistake the difference between a macaroon and a French macaron anymore—though I’d argue that it’s much easier to confuse the French macaron with French president Emmanuel Macron.

Yes, everyone, their grandma, and their hyperintelligent pet ape who will one day overthrow humanity or at least star in a memorable sitcom knows that a macaroon is a shredded and toasted mound of sweet, sweet coconut, while a macaron is an ethereal pastel hamburger made of almond flour, powdered sugar, and filling pipetted with the care of a hummingbird whisperer.

And even though I knew this, just like Caesar, I’m still upset that Nature Path’s newest Love Crunch Cereal is Dark Chocolate Macaroon and not Dark Chocolate Macaron. Yes, that cereal would probably just taste like Chocolate Cheerios, but it’s the principle of the thing! I want colorfully crunchy cereal sliders so small White Castle would sell them by the Crave Catamaran!

But fine: I’ll sop up my tears with a bowl of this expensive, though likely delicious Love Crunch Cereal. Despite costing $4 and containing hardly enough cereal per box to feed a hummingbird whisperer’s daily clientele, the first Love Crunch Cereal I tried blew me—nay, propelled me—away with raw sumptuousness.

Now that I’ve got a safety net behind, let’s get with the propelling, Dark Chocolate Macaroon! Continue reading →

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19

Jul. ’16

Review: Nature’s Path Organic Qi’a Superfood Cocoa Coconut Superflakes Cereal

Qi'a Cocoa Coconut Superflakes Cereal Box

Qi’a?

You mean like that car company? Or are you talking about those cute ceramic pets that grow plants on their backs? Oh, wait, you must be thinking of “iQi’a,” the popular Swedish furniture and meatball emporium.

Forgive me for the bad puns, but those were the things that came to my mind as I tried pronouncing the name of Qi’a Cocoa Coconut aloud in the cereal aisle. I’m still not sure I’m saying it right, and since it took me 3 months just to wrap my tongue around the correct pronunciation of quinoa, I might just quite while I’m ahead.

Nature’s Path Organic’s current Qi’a line of power bars and oatmeal also includes three new Superflakes cereals (the other two are Coconut Chia and Honey Chia). They’re expensive, so I had to be selective in my choice. I figured Cocoa Coconut would make for the most unique cereal, since chocolate and coconut is rarely seen in cereal ever since my doctor told me that “eating fudge-dipped macaroons in milk isn’t part of this complete breakfast.”

I guess he skipped the med school lesson on “how to diagnose a good time.” Continue reading →

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