Nature Valley is on a hot streak. With the delicious Chocolate Oat Clusters and Baked Oat Bites already under their granola-crumb encrusted belt, will Nature Valley be able to bowl a turkey, score a hat trick, and direct a fitting end to their trilogy of new 2016 cereals?

This box of Honey Oat Clusters holds the answer to that question. When I saw all three new Nature Valley Cereals, this one looked like the boring runt of the litter.

“It’s just a bootleg Honey Bunches of Oats,” said the youthful and ignorant Dan of two months ago. But after eating my first crunchy spoonful of this cereal, one thing has been made abundantly clear:

This ain’t your grandma’s Honey Bunches of Oats!
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Why buy G.I. Joe when you can buy G.I. Joe With KUNG-FU Grip? Why watch Blade Runner when you can watch Blade Runner: The Final Cut with the original, full-length unicorn daydream sequence?

And why in the name of all that is good and crunchy would you ever eat regular Oreos when Double Stuf Oreos exist?

Such questions haunted me as I gazed upon Baked Oat Bites, one of three new cereals from Nature Valley. It looks just like Kellogg’s Cracklin’ Oat Bran…but with an additional sugary drizzle.

But I gave Cracklin’ Oat Bran a 10/10, so there lies my conundrum. Is it possible for a new cereal to improve upon perfection, or should the mathematical impossibility of “giving 110%” be left for cheesy sports movies?

It’s time for me to find out. Even if I have to punch a few more holes in my belt to do so. With 210 calories per 3/4 cup, that shouldn’t be hard to do.

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We miss you, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters. We miss you and wish you would come home.

I’ve lost count of how many years have passed since Post took my favorite HBO variety from me (6 or 7, I think, though that’s like a lifetime in cereal years). That cereal and I were meant to grow old together, Post! We were meant to retire in the countryside and call each other “honey” and “sugar” and chuckle happily.

But instead, you took it to “a farm upstate” and tried the Poochie approach of “upgrading” it into the inferior Honey Bunches of Oats Morning Energy Chocolatey Almond Crunch (note: Honey Bunches of Oats Morning Energy Chocolatey Almond Crunch died on the way back to its home planet).

Why am I telling you this story? Because after seeing Chocolate Oat Clusters, one of three new Nature Valley Cereals, I’ve been forced to relive these traumatic memories. But can this cereal overcome the shadow of its spiritual predecessor (even though they come from different companies)?

Time to wipe away my tears (which have been falling like chocolate rain) and find out.

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