Tag Archives: oatmeal

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal (Canada)

General Mills Canada: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Instant Oatmeal Box Review

Can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Instant Oatmeal—or as some call it in Canada: “Croque Cannele Gruau Instantané?” 

Of course: it’s got cinnamon sugar amorphous globs in every bite! It’s the taste you can see…still sticking to your ceiling three weeks later if you fling it hard enough.

Wait, wait—that’s the oatmeal’s old slogan. The new one is much better: crave those crazy hot oat lumps!

Fine, I give up. There’s no real appetizing catchphrase for Canada’s second new cereal-oatmeal hybrid. And even if there was, a burnt sienna bowl of microwaved roses by any other name would taste just as sweet. Or in the case of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal, just as bland and disappointing. I know I usually leave my opinion out of each review’s introduction, but I couldn’t resist spoiling my spoiled breakfast from the get-go. This oatmeal has a host of toasty problems, so let’s work backwards and try sourcing its flaws like a paleontologist doing CSI on a pile of raptor skeletons. Continue reading

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Review: Lucky Charms Oatmeal (Canada)

Lucky Charms Oatmeal Box

This may not be canon, but I believe General Mills’ new Canada-only Lucky Charms Oatmeal is from an alternate timeline in the cereal universe.

In this truly darkest timeline, those cartoon kids who cheerfully steal Lucky the Leprechaun’s sugary breakfast aren’t motivated by hunger or anything rational. No, these serial cereal sociopaths take Lucky’s marshmallowy horseshoes and shooting stars just so they can melt them before his eyes in a bowl of bubbling, magmatic oats.

In this somber universe, Lucky Charms are “masochistically delicious!”

Somehow, those bullies’ mealy instruments of destruction crossed through an inter-dimensional portal and landed on Canadian grocery shelves. It’s the only logical explanation for the grotesque scenes of marshmallowy immolation you’re about to witness. Continue reading

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Review: Quaker Banana & Maple Oatmeal

Quaker Banana & Maple Oatmeal Box

Ever had a Canadian Elvis?

It’s a traditional and totally not-made-up sandwich native to North North America that remixes Mr. Presley’s favorite peanut butter and banana sandwich by swapping George Washington Carver’s creamy (or chunky, choosy moms don’t discriminate) legume spread with the sticky sweet life blood of Canada’s flag-starring national tree.

Quaker must be a fan of the Canadian Elvis, because it’s the only logic I can see behind their new(ish) Banana & Maple Oatmeal flavor. Outside of banana pancakes (which are usually paired with compote instead of syrup anyway) and a certain tragic incident in my childhood involving a rogue monkey with a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth, I’ve never heard of banana and maple going together.

Chocolate and bananas? Delicious.
Ice cream and bananas? You couldn’t split us apart.
Peanut butter and bananas? I hunka hunka burnin’ love it.

But maple syrup and bananas is largely unexplored territory—a final frontier worthy of a new Star Trek series. Maple is one of my favorite all-time flavors—I want my funeral procession to end at an IHOP—so Quaker’s got a lot to prove by pairing it with a fruit that barely makes my top 10.

(Though “Maple & Strawberry” probably wouldn’t sound any more palatable) Continue reading

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Review: Trader Joe’s Tart Cherry, Chia and Pumpkin Seed Oatmeal

Trader Joe's Cherry, Chia and Pumpkin Seed Oatmeal Cup

Consider the humble cherry.

Long-overshadowed by strawberry, the people’s champion, and grape, its cheaper taste analogue, cherry has been trapped in a breakfast aisle pitfall for decades. Sure, there’s Frute Brute, who’s currently trapped in General Mills’s monster mausoleum  for…well…ever, probably. And there are Cherry Pop-Tarts, who go unnoticed like the rosy-cheeked nerd girl in every teen movie whose sweetness is only revealed to the one boy brave enough to give her a chance (my Pop-Tart metaphors are complex).

But other than those two and a few obscure health cereals, cherry is very rarely seen as breakfast fare. Which is unfair, because any fruit that tops sundaes and acts as the Kool-Aid Man’s lifeblood deserves a spot at my table.

Thankfully, Trader Joe—a longtime liberator of unsung and under-appreciated flavors—is giving cherry a shot in his latest instant oatmeal cup. This is the same Joseph who once one-upped Pop-Tarts by cramming both cherry and pomegranate into a single toaster pastry,  a mad feat I haven’t seen since 1998, when The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, sending him plummeting 16ft through an announcer’s table.

Staying true to his squirrelly status as “the Uncle Joey of grocery stores,” Trader Joe also stuffed chia and pumpkin seeds into this plastic oat cylinder. Let’s celebrate the dawn of spring by watching this one blossom in the microwave. Continue reading

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Review: Welch’s Strawberry Oatmeal Bar Baking Mix, from Betty Crocker

Betty Crocker Welch's Strawberry Oatmeal Bars Baking Mix Box

I’ve reviewed oatmeal before.

I’ve reviewed cereal bars before.

But not until today have the two joined forces for a tasty crossover that’s more satisfying than The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters, and The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour combined. You’ll notice that I’ve never reviewed granola bars, either. That’s because raw oats are simply one step of effort too far away from pipin’ hot oatmeal or Cracklin’ Oat Bran. In my eyes, it takes a microwave or a mill press to turn plain grains into breakfast.

So it’s time to grow up, granola bars, because oatmeal bars have everything you do—just with a lot more gumption. Oh, and in this case: oodles of strawberry jelly, too. Continue reading

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Spooned & Spotted (Canada): Lucky Charms Oatmeal & Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal

Lucky Charms Oatmeal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal Canada

That’s it: I’m moving.

For most of my time running this blog, I’ve had to console my Canadian friends who can’t get any U.S.-exclusive cereals without enlisting an expensive flock of highly trained carrier pigeons to do their dirty work. But now? We’re only 2 months into 2017, and Canada has already got a Quebec-sized pile of delicious exclusives!

First they got arguably the world’s first banana bread-flavored cereal. Then they got the coolest Corn Flakes box you could possibly wake up to. And now they’ve got Lucky Charms Oatmeal and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal. At this rate of awesomeness I bet they’ll have an ice cream sandwich-flavored Cap’n Crunch cereal by next week. And it’ll somehow involve Pokémon, too.

These new oatmeals, based off two of General Mills’s most popular cereals, mix squishy-licious instant oatmeal with either rainbow Lucky Charms marshmallows or a swirling auburn galaxy of crunchy Cinnamon Toast Crunch bits. Either way, you can’t go wrong—though I wonder if hot oatmeal would make Lucky’s marbits instantly melt into technicolor puddles. I hope these oatmeals sell well, because I want to see General Mills try Cookie Crisp Oatmeal and Reese’s Puffs Oatmeal next.

What hypothetical cereal–oatmeal combo would you love to munch the most?

Big thanks go to our friend Junk Food Dog for sending in this picture, which he took at Zehrs. 5 boxes for $10 is such a good deal that I can only assume he bought the whole display case of ’em. Who needs to pay rent when you can build a house out of sugary deliciousness?

If you’ve got a cereal or oatmeal photo of your own to share, pass it along on our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.

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Spooned & Spotted: “It’s Finally December” Edition

Kellogg's Rice Krispies with Holiday Colors Cereal Box 2016

For every buzz-worthy Christmas Crunch and Cinnamon Star Crunch, there are plenty of less-exciting, non-Crunch based limited edition products that make grocery shelves a little merrier from the rough period of November 1st to December 31st. So while the Cap’n and those cannibalistic stars will get plenty of time in the breakfast spotlight, I want to give a shoutout to two of the little guys.

Or in the case of Rice Krispies with Holiday Colors, three of the little guys. Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s annual offering of red and green-speckled Rice Krispies is back again for 2016, returning silently to breakfast aisles in the night like a rice-stuffed Christmas present.

That’s what the song “Silent Night” is all about, right?

I “reviewed” (translation: “played with”) Holiday Rice Krispies last year, and I encourage you all to use this cereal to make your holiday season a little holiday-ier. You could make candy cane-shaped Rice Krispies Treats like the box recommends, or you could cover a snowball entirely in Rice Krispies and chuckle as innocent passerby unknowingly bite into an Ice Krispies Treat.

Quaker's Holiday Limited Edition Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal Box

Quaker’s “Limited Edition” Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal may seem like a cop-out, as it’s just their (arguably) most famous flavor repackaged with a charming living room Christmas tree scene. I mean, they could have at least tossed in some pine nuts, right?

But I’m going to stay positive and express my love for this holiday oatmeal. I couldn’t imagine a more cozy, warm scene than the one Quaker lovingly immortalized here in cardboard. And they picked the perfect, warmly cozy flavor to pair it with.

This Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal is just ho-ho-wholesome, and I look forward to eating it from a novelty Rudolph mug while sprawled flat on my belly under my own tree. There’s a 100% chance I’ll be reading old Garfield comics while I do it, too.

If you’ve spotted any cool limited edition breakfast products, let us know! Click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.

 

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Review: Quaker “Bring Your Best Bowl” Oatmeal Finalists

Quaker "Bring Your Best Bowl" Oatmeal Box Review

Wait, does this mean my “PB&J Oatmeal” idea got rejected?

And my “Double Stuf Oreo Oatmeal” idea, too? Even my “Neapolitan Oatmeal,” “Thanksgiving Leftovers Oatmeal,” and intentionally redundant “Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie Oatmeal” ideas? All thrown in the trash heap?

Okay fine, Quaker Oats guy, I’ll accept this criminal oversight, only because the flavor finalists in your user-submitted “Bring Your Best Bowl” contest sound pretty darn good. There were over 500,000 entries for the competition earlier this year, but only three tempting tastes remain: Vanilla Chai Oatmeal, Lemon Ricotta Pancake Oatmeal, and Apple Cheddar Rosemary Oatmeal.

To pick the winner, Quaker has slapped all three finalists into a single box. It’s up to us—the humble consumers—to try ’em and vote with our taste buds here: the winner will be “saved” on shelves. Since this is a game of oatmeal life or death, I figured I’d do my civic duty and eat three breakfasts in a day. Continue reading

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