Tag Archives: pop-tarts

Review: Halloween Chocolate Fudge Printed Fun Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Halloween Edition Printed Fun Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts Review – Box

Halloween is about the little things.

Ask any full-blooded (or at least fake-blood-slathered) Halloween lover, and I’m sure most will agree. While haunted houses, parties, and handing out candy on The Big XXXI Day itself are the holiday’s main events, savoring little spooky moments is the key to feeling merrily macabre from the start of back-to-school season ’til the end of back-to-the-cardboard-box-ghouls-in my basement season.

These bite-sized boos can be anything—or anywhere. Glimpsing a well-loved plastic goblin in a thrift store. Marathoning all the Halloween movies and spending the next week fearing any mention of William Shatner. Camping out in a Spirit Halloween with an industrial carton of Whoppers and flipping through old Goosebumps books until the staff gets scared of you.

Or maybe it’s just eating one (or thirty one) of Kellogg’s “new” Halloween Chocolate Fudge Printed Fun Pop-Tarts. It’s long been a Pop-Tartian tradition to adorn their Chocolate Fudge flavor with full Hallo-regalia (why Chocolate Fudge, I don’t know—maybe because it’s pretty much a king-sized candy bar that’s socially acceptable to eat for breakfast?), but previous years have only seen this ghost-er pastry wearing orange frosting and crunchy sprinkle shapes.

But now Kellogg’s has beautifully spurned their sprinkled tradition in favor of something somehow even better: printed scary shapes on every neon orange-blasted, baked fudge rectangle! Drink that box art in for a minute while I grab the plates, glasses of milk, and altars to worship that top cartoon ghost at.

He looks like a spectral Pikachu tail. Continue reading

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News: Halloween Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts are Returning…with New Printed Fun!

Halloween Spookylicious Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts Printed Fun

(Image via Kellogg’s)

Rejoice, fellow spook scholars, because Halloween is drawing ever closer. We’ve cleared the werewolf days of summer, which means we’re now beginning the “back to ghoul season,” and it’s at this critical period of pre-Halloween prep that we must savor every little scary detail we can find in grocery store aisles—because before you know it, Santa and his fleet of reindeer conquistadors will be edging our proud inflatable pumpkins off of front lawns everywhere.

These Halloween Edition Printed Fun Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts are a perfect example of the little things that make the coming season great. The box art alone proves that every bile-dripping zombie hand and ghost-emitting chocolate fudge chunk brings the world closer to perfection.

And Kellogg’s decision to mix up their established Halloween Pop-Tart design is the neatest trick and sweetest treat yet. Formerly known as Spookylicious Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts (a moniker which was especially terrifying for my spellcheck), these resurrected toaster pastries now boast a slab of orange frosting and fun, jack-o-lantern-esque faces—instead of the crunchy sprinkles of its ancestral Tarts. Kellogg’s website gives us a sneak peek at another, more arachnid print.

Though a sneak peek may not be necessary. Some have already seen these Pop-Tarts popping up in stores, alongside returning autumn flavors Pumpkin Pie and Caramel Apple. Since all three tastes in this Tart trilogy, which represent scaling levels of Halloweeniness, are delicious, I can safely say that the scariest part of this October will be the low number of costumes my ballooned waistline will be able to fit into after eating a triple-decker stack of fall-flavored Pop-Tarts.

I’ll be the one at the party dressed as a sumo cow.

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Review: Frosted Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Frosted Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart Review Box

You may think that there’s nothing more delicious on a hot summer day than a fresh, juicy slice of watermelon. But true beach bums and Slip ‘n’ Slide savants know that a Watermelon Pop-Tart is is the more economic choice for warm weather refreshment. Just consider the benefits of eating a fruity watermelon crust quadrilateral over the real thing:

– Watermelon Pop-Tarts are seedless.
– Watermelon Pop-Tarts won’t ruin your white shorts with drippy mess.
– Real watermelons can’t be stored in your glove compartment.
– Real watermelons can’t be shoved into a toaster (without calamity, at least).
– Most of all, real watermelons taste like, well, water. Watermelon Pop-Tarts taste like zany water that went to clown college.

And while regular watermelons have gone for thousands of years without a flavor upgrade, Kellogg’s classic Watermelon Pop-Tarts have become jollier and atomically greener with the release of Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts. As the last Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart I’ll be reviewing, Watermelon has a chance to exceed the mixed reputations of its brethren: Green Apple is interestingly sweet & sour, while Cherry is like an egg roll stuffed with liquefied Swedish Fish.

With this precedent, I expect Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts to taste like ranch dressing. Continue reading

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Review: Frosted Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Frosted Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart Review Box

Three Musketeers.

Milky Way.

Twix.

In five seconds, I thought of three candy flavors I would’ve expected to exist before a Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart ever touched my tongue—let alone three Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts. Heck, if you asked me last year, even more obscure candies like 100 Grand or Whoppers Pop-Tarts would’ve had a 100,000% higher likelihood of existing than Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts.

(The only thing less likely would’ve been Circus Peanut Pop-Tarts)

Yet here I am, eating my ∞th iridescent Pop-Tart this week. I’m not mad that Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts—a line that also includes Green Apple and Watermelon—exist, I’m just surprised. I might as well make the most of the most of these Tarts’ limited edition existence—with something this cosmically wacky, the toaster pastry gods could revoke their existential right at any moment—by reviewing them all in a week. It’s like they say: when life gives you cherry pastries colored redder than bloody murder, make some sort of -ade that belongs in an elevator at the Overlook Hotel.

And besides, if I really want a “traditional” candy bar Pop-Tart, I could just throw a Snickers into a panini press and make my own. Continue reading

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Review: Frosted Green Apple Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Frosted Sour Green Apple Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts Review Box

As I gaze upon these Green Apple Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts, I must ask: has science gone too far?

A) Yes. Candy and pastries mixing? Next you’ll tell me there are Oil & Water Pop-Tarts.
B) No. Not far enough, actually. I want to see Pop-Tarts flavored Jolly Ranchers.
C) I really don’t care please just stuff neon-dyed dough rectangles into my mouth so I can make my tongue look like a cosmic bowling alley.

I would circle option C, but my hands are too covered in slippery green apple filling to get a grip on a pencil, mouse, or my life.

That’s right: there has been much buzz about Kellogg’s brand new Jolly Ranchers line of Pop-Tarts, which also includes Cherry and Watermelon. Some camps find the idea more nostalgic than spilled Crystal Pepsi in a used record shop, while some would rather drink a Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino through an intra-nasal straw than eat something so potently technicolored.

Me? I’m just happy to be here. I’ll slip past the hype and let the Tarts’ flavors decide their fates. Let’s see if Green Apple is as suckable as its namesake candy, or if it just, well, sucks. Continue reading

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Review: Trader Joe’s Organic Frosted Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastries

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastries Box

Toaster pastry family dynamics are confusing.

Take the Brown Sugar Cinnamons, for example. From Kellogg’s to Kroger, every brand under the toaster oven’s warming sun has a unique take on Brown Sugar Cinnamon, but they all taste different. Sometimes, I like to try connecting each doughy rectangle on an imaginary family tree.

You have the OG pastry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, a sweet and sugary gal who was clearly raised by a “fun parent:” the kind of hyperactive, dad joke-slinging manchild who I aspire to be someday. You have Cinnamon Roll with Brown Sugar Toaster Strudels, who stays cold and aloof in his room until you warm him up and he comes alive. And you have Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie, the plump child who ran away from home to become a barista and eat one too many Starbucks marble loaves during his break.

Now there’s Trader Joe’s new Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastry. He must’ve been raised by the family’s all organic, hippy grandma out west. Just why do I say that? Well let’s ask the quirky quadrilateral himself. Continue reading

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News: Kellogg’s New York Pop-Tarts Café is a Doughy Dream Come True

♪ New York, New York: a helluva town. The Bronx is up, and the new café serving blended toaster pastry milkshakes is down! ♪

Sorry if there are any unexpected typos or short circuits in this post. My mouth is watering like Niagara, and my keyboard’s in the splash zone. But how could I not be spilling anticipatory drool by the barrelful when Pop-Tarts keeps tempting us with photos and videos of their Pop-Tarts Café?

Open until March 12th in New York City, this pop-up (pun intended, I’m sure) shop is the spiritual successor to Kellogg’s earlier cereal café. But the Pop-Tarts Café amps up the customization and Wild Berry wackiness far beyond the cereal joint’s wildest dreams. I’d you can’t watch the video above, know that their menu contains: Continue reading

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Review: Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (DC Comics Villains Edition)

Kellogg's Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (Printed Fun Villains Edition) Box

I think I can imagine how the supervillainous plot to release Chocolate Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts originated:

The Joker paces back-and-forth madly in the abandoned Pop-Tart factory he and Lex Luthor are using as a haphazard base of operations. With a cackle, he has a sudden idea.

“I’ve got it, Lex,” the Joker cries. “We’ll kidnap all the world’s Pop-Tarts and smush them together into otherwise nonsensical taste combinations! Just picture it: Watermelon S’Mores Pop-Tarts. Blueberry Root Beer Pop-Tarts. Cookies & Creme PB&J Pop-Tarts. We’ll flood the streets with a hasty pastry army, causing mass confusion and hysteria!”

“But why?” Lex replies.

The Joker chuckles maniacally: “Some men just want to watch the world yearn…for obscurely flavored, impulsively purchased breakfast treats!”

And thus, Chocolate Sugar Cookies Pop-Tarts were born. This flavor combo isn’t really that strange, but when’s the last time you had an actual chocolate sugar cookie? Maybe my cheeks are too stuffed with gingerbread men during December to notice, but compared to snickerdoodles or fruitcake, chocolate sugar cookies seem more like the shiny Pokémon of holiday dessert platters. Continue reading

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