Photo via i_need_a_snack_ (thank you for sharing!)
Ah. Oh man. Here it comes again. The inscrutable drooling.
Am I the only one whose middle school memories are just one big gob of shuddersome awkwardness that smells like ambient Jolly Ranchers that were bought in bulk at the student store and provisioned round the clock like electric chewing tobacco? Somehow I doubt I’m alone.
But anyway, it’s because of that unfortunate thing that I can’t even look at these pictures of General Mills’ new Jolly Rancher Cereal without my esophagus puckering and my mouth sweating from phantom exertion. For the sake of my delicate keyboard mechanics, I’ll keep this brief: Instagram foodie @i_need_a_snack_ managed to nab the last box of this faux fruit still life—which is stunning considering how a whole Walmart sold out of the stuff before news hit the web.
Regardless, this feels like General Mills’ way of clapping back against the sensory-subverting event that was Sour Patch Kids Cereal. On one hand, I hope this is more than just some imitation Zounds! Entirely Fruit!, but if this is authentic enough to Jolly Rancher candy to put the butter- in my -milk, these sour sweets will be gone.
Unfortunately, early comments are claiming it’s just remolded Trix flavoring. If this is true, I will only begrudgingly eat the entire box, while reminiscing on the good old days when Jolly Rancher Cereal pieces were shaped like Runtz instead of chubby tubes. If you’ve tried it, let me know what you think in the comments. I’ll be off to Walmart to corral these Ranchers just after my appointment with a mall food court 25¢ candy machine.