Tag Archives: spooned & spotted

Spooned & Spotted: Hostess Twinkies Cereal

New Hostess Twinkies Cereal

Somebody call Cap’n Crunch, because there are some new golden doubloons hitting the breakfast table.

For the past three months, “Twinkies Cereal” has been phantasmically dancing atop the tongues of cereal lovers like Twinkie the Kid at whatever spectral square-dance they send brand mascots to to purgatorily pass time in between discontinuations. Sure, we’ve seen the theoretical box for a while, but Post has a (recent) history of leaking cereal ideas that never end up amounting to anything.

Stay gold, Teddy Grahams CerealStay golder than a Golden Graham.

But any doubt about these crunchy golden sponge-cakelets can finally be put to rest (in the family plot, between Fruit Pie the Magician and Happy Ho Ho). Thanks to continued correspondent Devin, we now have clear optics on the fully produced cereal itself, meaning it’s rapidly approaching release. And while it certainly looks just about how you’d expect—tragically, without the tiny, cream-stuffed exhaust holes on the bottom—Devin also provided his synopsis of the flavor:

“Tastes a lot like the Donettes cereal. The cereal itself seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it…”

With a forecast that titillating, I now feel I must steel my taste buds to try and recognize any arcane analogues. Here’s hoping it’s closer to “bowl full of mini Golden Oreos” than “bowl full of Golden Oreo O’s.”

Spooned & Spotted (2019): Pumpkin Pie Rice Krispies Treats

Pumpkin Pie Rice Krispies Treats 2019

Move over, pumpkin spice: I can sense a pulpy orange sea change coming this autumn.

Gone are the days of the grocery store’s overindulgence in pumpkin spice beverages, foodstuffs, and assorted lifestyle paraphernalia. No, this year should be all about pumpkin pie.

And before you open your gourd-hole, of course they’re not the same! I’m sick of limited edition products that reduce an entire pie to its perfume of spiced accents. I want to taste scoops of purée! I want crust and whipped cream! I want the whole darn snack-o-lantern!

Now will I find those subtleties in Kellogg’s returning Pumpkin Pie Rice Krispies Treats? Probably not, but I feel like a fool for not yet trying. Though these auburn cereal squares were introduced back in 2017, I somehow never reviewed them. I think it was partially an accidental oversight caused by cloves blown in my eyes, and partially an intentional oversight due to 2017’s PPRKTs coming forty to a box. Since such a quantity is bigger than my lifetime list of friends I like enough to give a Rice Krispies Treats, I think fourteen is a reasonable compromise—this way, even if they’re bad, I can tape ’em to my mailbox for trick-or-treaters.

While you’re here, I might as well give a speedy account of all the other returning fall cereal products spotted so far: Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Hero Crunch

Cap'n Crunch's Hero Crunch Dollar General Cereal Box

What better way to celebrate the Fourth of July than with the Fourth patriotic Cap’n Crunch box to come out in the past two years?

Personally, I never expected last year’s mythically rumored and inscrutably unavailable Freedom Crunch to spread its wings once more, but now it’s reprinting its same red, white, and blue Crunch Berries like they’re state quarters.

This year, we saw the concept return in a milder, more bottle rocketed form, and just this month, we saw it debut with perhaps its most creative art yet—one that ditches the Cap’n’s stink eye in favor of one that borders on a Crunch-led assault against Independence Day alien invaders.

Finally, we have the above, Dollar General-exclusive Hero Crunch. This is perhaps the most bizarre case of an unnecessary product variant I’ve seen in four score and seven years, between the militant (and likely ineffective) camouflage and the unadorned Cap’n whose arm appears to be reverberating through space and time.

I mean c’mon, couldn’t they have at least given him a ghillie suit?

Our thanks to Gabe Fonseca for the photo. You can find Hero Crunch now at Dollar General—if it doesn’t blend into the shelves.

Spooned & Spotted: General Mills Drumstick Cereals!

I’m noticing a pattern…

Now that we’ve apparently breached New Cereal Mania Jr., the summer son of January’s non-stop oated onslaught, General Mills is revealing its coincidental—or perhaps copycat—strategy of forging creative cereal–non-cereal brand partnerships.

Just yesterday, we learned of two new Fillows flavors, Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme and Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll: conspicuous analogues for Post’s Oreo O’s and Hostess Honey Bun cereals. Now with the arrival of two new Drumstick cereals, the comparison to Malt-O-Meal (aka Post again)’s Cold Stone Creamery cereals seems inevitable.

Granted, General Mills already brought licensed frosty flavor recently with two Dippin’ Dots cereals, but those were so awful and ice scream-inducing that history will remember them as the “ice cream cereal of the future” from some darkest timeline that tragically intersected our own.

Here’s hoping GM has started from scoop one on both Classic Vanilla and Mint Chocolate Drumstick cereals. Spotted by @coachlongest at Walmart, these diversely textured menageries boast Golden Graham-esque cone pieces (a waffling step down from their old Ice Cream Cones cereal’s authentic geometry), chocolate puffs, and rounded discs that you may remember from Thin Mints Cereal.

The jury’s still out on whether my local ice cream shoppe will let me buy a bulk pack of dipped waffle cone bowls to review these (especially after I demanded to see the Ice Cream Machine from Neopets), but for now, I’ll be sure to microwave a few Drumsticks to use as milk.

Our thanks again to Coach Longest for sharing the photo. If you have any hot or cold scoops of your own to share, truck ’em on over to our Submissions page.

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Red, White & Blue Crunch

New Cap'n Crunch Red, White & Blue Crunch Cereal Box

For yet another boring Crunch Berry palette swap, this is still a juicy development for the Cap’n.

Close followers of Crunchian lore will remember a certain Freedom Crunch, a hyper-patriotic Cap’n variant that I discovered last summer and later redacted, after hearing from Cap’n Crunch that it was never actually produced. But then, I received word from Minnesota that the cereal demonstrably did reach at least one very select market (ironic for a nationally branded cereal). The truth of Freedom Crunch’s purgatorial existence has never been revealed—but hey, the stuff even has an officially licensed shirt! Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Bob Ross – The Joy of Cereal

Bob Ross The Joy of Cereal at FYE

To all those elementary school art teachers who told me I’d “never make it in life” if I kept “talking about eating paint”: look at me now, doubters! The one you called a “disruption” in 3rd grade is now disrupting the cereal journalism world. Seriously, does the world need more Vincent van Play-Dohs, or someone who can see a placid bowl of milk as a blank canvas?

(I owe it to all those tempting saucers of Elmer’s for priming my mind to love creamy dairy.)

If there’s anyone who would have nurtured my longtime love of interpretive cereal art, it would’ve been Bob Ross. Hailing from the same class of divine earthly kindness shepherds as Mr. Rogers, the late Robert Norman “Bob” Ross has seen his legacy of nonjudgemental encouragement and zen-like countenance revived in recent years, as an increasingly troubling world calls for innocent escapism into the ever-accepting landscapes of Bob’s paintings. Heck, you can still watch The Joy of Painting marathons streamed on Twitch each weekend—certainly a better weekend plan than downing a couple glasses of Pantone Punch*.

*Goes without saying, but please do not ever drink paint—just swirl some food coloring into your endmilk instead. Continue reading

News: Malt-O-Meal Peanut Butter Cookie Bites is Coming Soon!

Malt-O-Meal Peanut Butter Cookie Bites

So Post, a Nutter Butter, and a hacksaw walk into a bakery…

No joke: Malt-O-Meal’s latest upcoming cereal circles look like bisected pieces of their parent company Post’s delightful 2017 Nutter Butter Cereal. And I’m all here for it.

Peanut Butter Cookies Bites was announced in typical fashion by M-O-M. By which I mean it appeared on their website with absolutely no warning or fanfare, left to be stumbled upon like a corporate Banksy piece commenting on PR hype cycles. I only found out about it with the continued help of @miss_tortellini on Instagram.

Yet the real reason I’m excited for PBCB is more than just their heritage as a legumically mutated cookie child of Chocolatey Chip Cookie Bites. More so, it’s the pragmatic potential of this cereal if it really ends up tasting just like Nutter Butter Cereal (which I’m considering a preemptive fact, solely to validate my already-sent-to-print Cereal Biology textbooks depicting these two cereals as different stages of PB mitosis).

Because where Nutter Butter Cereal had a serious spoon real estate problem, what with their big ol’ double waffles of goodness and all, I’m hoping these cookies are small enough to fit an average Christmas party treat tables’ worth of cereal in each bite.

Spooned & Spotted: Snickerdoodle Koo-Kies! Cereal

Bay-Valley-Snickerdoodle-Kookies-Cereal

Consider this a gentle warning: no matter how much you like digging into a bowl of cinnamon sweetness, don’t bother digging deep into its origins.

Because as I’ve learned, you risk getting tangled in the strings of a merry marionette show starring corporate puppet brands, shrouded timelines, and eye-dehydrating confusion.

It all started when the above photo of Limited Edition Snickerdoodle Koo-Kies, produced by Bay Valley Foods, was tweeted to me by reader Fabo. It instantly caught my curiosity, and not just because of the bizarrely lifeless and questionably adorned box art (why does the penguin need a speech bubble and quotation marks to Regurgitate His Vapid Claim?).

See, those with a larger-than-penguin-sized memory will doubtlessly wonder how, why, and how dare this cereal exists when Millville and Aldi have already been making big headlines and waistlines with their Snickerdoodle Kookies cereal. Surely this doppelgänger, with its unheimlich hyphenation, must be about as authentic as a mall Santa, right?

Not content with all these questions, and particularly dissatisfied that I likely won’t get to try these Koo…pause for emphasis…Kies myself (they were found in a Pennsylvania Giant Foods), I took my journalistic wagon to the information super highway. Because if I can’t taste Snickerdoodle Koo-Kies, you’d better believe I’m still going to understand its genetic genesis.

Continue reading