Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Granola Snack

Take that, Canada!

You may get exclusive, drool-worthy Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeals, but we here in the States are getting our own cereal-oat hybrid with new Honey Nut Cheerios and Cinnamon Toast Crunch granolas! In fact, this stuff is actually better than granola, because it’s a “Granola Snack!”

Just why is a Granola Snack better than plain ol’ oat clusters? Because with the word “Snack” in the name, I’m justified in munching through a whole bag anywhere, at any time, no matter how ridiculous I look.

Stuck in rush hour traffic and every radio station is playing commercials at the same time? Keep a Granola Snack in your cupholder.

Halfway through a stationary bicycle workout and need something to do with your hands? Double fist two Granola Snacks.

Grocery store ran out of stuffing mix and the turkey’s already in the oven? Spice up your bird with some cornbread and a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Granola Snack.

But okay, okay, I shouldn’t propose ruining Thanksgiving until I know this stuff’s actually good. Let’s go find a spin class and test it out. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, general mills, granola, toast crunch. 8 Comments

Mar. ’17

Review: St. Patrick’s Day Edition Lucky Charms with Green Clovers Cereal

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Or as it’s known in the cereal community, “Unofficial But Pretty Much Official Lucky Charms Day!”

Because let’s be real here: if there were ever a thematically appropriate day to suck down leprechaun-endorsed oats and marshmallows by the beer stein-full, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

As they always do, General Mills and Lucky Charms themselves have acknowledged the iconic cereal’s spiritual tie to this day of green by releasing an especially enviable Lucky Charms with Green Clovers! This cereal has been released before in a number of forms: 2017’s two-toned, minty fresh and earthen pine green shamrock marshmallows aren’t new, but previous years have also seen our four-leaved friends paired with sugary pots o’ gold and gold coins.

Who knows: maybe next year Lucky Charms will “Mix Up” these marshmallows like they did with the others, and we’ll finally get the black and neon pink marbits my edgy high school self always dreamt of. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills, holiday, lucky charms. 4 Comments

Mar. ’17

Review: Bear Naked Chocolate Almond Clusters Cereal

According to the box, Bear Naked Cereal’s new Chocolate Almond Clusters are “APPROVED BY BEARS.”

Personally, I’d like to see the National Bear Advisory Board’s citations on this, because like many mammals, bears can’t eat chocolate! The stuff contains theobromine, a chemical that’s toxic to our furry friends. So why, then, would the entire bear population sign off—in all capital letters, no less—on a cereal that contains enough cocoa to have them growling “oh no” as they cartoonishly grip their stomachs like Yogi Bear after stealing a picnic basket full of potato salad that’s been in the sun too long?

Are they trying to fatten us up with a calorie-dense breakfast so we taste better later? Are the bears just bad at reading contractual fine print? Or is this all just a pointlessly long-winded introduction I wrote to hide the fact that I spent $4 on this cereal?

The answer to all three is yes. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, bear naked, chocolate. Leave a comment

Mar. ’17

Review: Special K Caramel Nut Protein Bites

Why am I reviewing a product that’s decidedly not cereal, a Pop-Tart, or oatmeal?

I’ll answer that question with a question: why am I getting defensive about hypothetical questions that no one’s actually asking? The real reason I’m giving Special K’s new(ish) Caramel Nut Protein Bites a spotlighted review is because, after January’s firestorm of new cereals—which featured adaptations of every doughy delicacy from cookies to pancakes and back to cookies again—I’m struggling to fresh and relevant new products to write 700 excessive words about. If you see me reviewing Rice Chex next week, you’ll know I’m really spooning the bottom of the barrel.

Besides, when I scanned my Protein Bites, the check-out machine called them “KLLGG CERL.” So take that, imaginary critics! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, special k. Leave a comment

Feb. ’17

Review: Welch’s Strawberry Oatmeal Bar Baking Mix, from Betty Crocker

I’ve reviewed oatmeal before.

I’ve reviewed cereal bars before.

But not until today have the two joined forces for a tasty crossover that’s more satisfying than The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters, and The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour combined. You’ll notice that I’ve never reviewed granola bars, either. That’s because raw oats are simply one step of effort too far away from pipin’ hot oatmeal or Cracklin’ Oat Bran. In my eyes, it takes a microwave or a mill press to turn plain grains into breakfast.

So it’s time to grow up, granola bars, because oatmeal bars have everything you do—just with a lot more gumption. Oh, and in this case: oodles of strawberry jelly, too. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cereal bars, general mills, non cereal, oatmeal, strawberry. 9 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Reese’s Puffs Bunnies (Spring Edition)

Reese’s Puffs are a lot like Krave.

As I mentioned in my recent review, Krave is a cereal with nearly limitless potential for awesome flavor fillings, a potential that’s been largely (and tragically) unrealized in America while European Krave lets its freaky flavor flag fly.

General Mills’s iconic peanut butter puffs are the same way. As Reese’s candy division is stuffing Reese’s Pieces into Reese’s Cups, cramming peanuts into Reese’s Pieces, and (probably) distilling the ethereal essences of Mr. Peanut’s ghostly grandparents into Reese’s NutRageous bars, Reese’s Puffs cereal remains plain and unchanged. Outside of our sweetest nightly dreams, we’ve never seen Reese’s Puffs with Reese’s Pieces, Reese’s Puffs with Nougat & Nut Shavings, or even Chocolate PB&J Reese’s Puffs.

I’m not the only one who feels this way, either. One of my favorite YouTube gamers went on a recent Twitter tirade that inspired this intro:

Reese PB Puffs Ideas:
Dark Chocolate
White Chocolate
Peanut Butter Flavored Marshmallows
Banana Flavored Marshmallows
Cookies n Creme Bits

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) February 19, 2017

All I'm saying is
DO NO STAGNATE
Don't rest on your laurels and wait for others to catch up to you

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) February 19, 2017

The only thing that holds back cereal is preconceived notions of reality

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) February 19, 2017

No, instead of any of those great ideas, we get Reese’s Puffs Bunnies: the same cereal, now conveniently in the same bunny shape as Annie’s recent Bunnies cereals. My brain says, “Boo, that’s lazy!” but my inner child—whose heart is concentric with mine—says, “Ooh, I love cute lil rabbits!”

Fine, 8-year old Dan: let’s (begrudgingly) dig in. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills, holiday, reese's puffs. 7 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Krave Cereal (Now with More Chocolate!)

Krave sounds like the perfect vehicle for exciting, limited edition cereal flavors. Its semi-hollow, chocolate-striped biscuits could be filled with any number of wacky tastes.

Krave could pair the chocolate with a peanut butter ribbon, pipette some strawberry filling in there for Valentine’s Day, layer on some banana for Elvis Presley’s birthday, or heck: just dip every pillowy rectangle in fudge and sprinkles. I like to imagine that all these ideas even got brought up at Kellogg’s last marketing meeting…but then that one guy in the back of the room—you know, that guy— shouted above everyone else with his mouth full of the break room’s last doughnut:

“Hey why don’t we just add more chocolate?”

And this new “Now More Chocolate!” Krave was born. Somewhere across the Atlantic, Europeans are snickering at us over their bowls of Hazelnut, White Chocolate Brownie, and Choco Roulette Krave. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, krave. 6 Comments

Feb. ’17

Review: Kashi Chocolate Crunch Cereal

“Pshh, Kashi’s a health company. There’s no way their Chocolate Crunch cereal will pack enough chocolaty goodness to satisfy a certified chocoholic like me.”

Wrong!

“Oh, well, since they are a health company, surely Kashi’s Chocolate Crunch will contain satisfying, filling serving sizes.”

Wrong!

“Uh, at least there’s…surely no way I’ll plow through a whole box of Chocolate Crunch in one sitting and find myself on the floor, shamefully lying on my belly to hide the fudge stains on my overeager face!”

Wrong!

That’s three strikes, and you’re out. Please hang up your glove and hand over your Kashi Chocolate Crunch box to the proper authorities (i.e. my own hungry mitts). Despite Kashi’s reputation for clean, wholesome breakfasts, Chocolate Crunch is no minor league chocolate cereal. When it comes to cocoa-slathered goodness, this stuff hits harder than Babe Ruth wielding a king-sized Baby Ruth.

Don’t believe me? Join me in the dugout and we’ll dig into a box. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kashi. 4 Comments