Category Archives: Reviews

Review: General Mills Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Cheerios

Like Michael Meyers or Freddy Krueger, the taste of Halloween is already quietly creeping onto store shelves. But unlike Mike or Fred, pumpkin spice wants to please your taste buds instead of leaving them severed and bloody on the kitchen floor.

After all, pumpkin spice is addicting, and that’s why we keep inviting it back into our homes like dimwitted stock characters in a vampire movie. So whether you’re a pumpkin spice nut or a frustrated recoverer of “pumpkin spice fatigue,” please forgive me for disrupting your hot dogs ‘n’ lemonade days of August with General Mills’ new Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Cheerios. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cheerios, general mills, pumpkin. 9 Comments

Aug. ’16

Review: Baskin-Robbins Oreo Milk ‘n Cereal Ice Cream

Anyone who’s read this site or received a sobbing 3:00A.M. voicemail from me knows that I really, really miss Oreo O’s. During the early 2000s, those cookies ‘n’ creme flavored O’s were as meaningful to me as wedding rings. But then they were tragically discontinued, leaving me to “Extreme Cry” over their discontinued “Extreme Creme Taste.”

So you can understand why my ears perked up when I heard that Baskin Robbins’ August flavor of the month puts the words “Oreo” and “Cereal” in the same sentence.

Alas, Baskin-Robbins Oreo Milk ‘n Cereal Ice Cream has nothing to do with Oreo O’s, though it does sound interesting. It combines cereal milk-flavored ice cream with Oreo chunks, frosted corn flake cereal pieces, and a frosted corn flake swirl. We all know that “frosted corn flake cereal pieces” is generic marketing speak for Frosted Flakes, but I just think it’s funny that by adding in the word “corn,” Baskin-Robbins can avoid—to paraphrase a certain jungle cat—”a legal GRRRRey area!”

Let’s pounce into a scoop, shall we? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, frosted flakes, non cereal. 8 Comments

Aug. ’16

Review: Coffee Nut M&M’s (Flavor Vote Winner)

You probably don’t need to be reminded that this U.S. presidential election is already nuts.

So why don’t we just elect a bag of Coffee Nut M&M’s into the Oval Office, instead?

I mean, just look at them: they have perky energy, calm suaveness from their muted earth tones, and they understand the youth vote’s fascination with trendy caffeine ‘n’ sugar beverages. And I promise: unlike the two candidates who will be on ballots this November, Coffee Nut M&M’s won’t get into a petty flame war on Twitter.

Not to mention the fact that they have prior political experience. If you remember earlier this March, Mars Candy hosted an M&M’s “flavor vote election,” pitting Coffee Nut M&M’s against Chili Nut M&M’s and fan-favorite Honey Nut M&M’s.

Okay fine: Honey Nut was just a Dan-favorite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGJbW9XjQFo

It turns out that Coffee Nut was America’s favorite, and as part of its victory rally, it will be staying on grocery store shelves and in my stomach from here on out. To celebrate President Coffee Nut’s win, I’m going to proudly shake his hand—by which I mean I’m going to shamefully shake the entire contents of his pouch into my own hand.

Because despite what the new Coffee Nut M&M’s packaging says, I refuse to share. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, coffee, non cereal. 3 Comments

Jul. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Cocoa Krispies Treats with M&M’s Minis

Whether it’s ice cream, cappuccinos, pancakes, or Grandpa’s old 1972 Buick, everything’s better when you cover it in chocolate.

Heck, I was even gonna give you my complete, 5000+ item list of things that taste better when slathered in creamy cocoa, but I couldn’t read it because I covered the list in chocolate. Totally worth it, though: this list tastes delicious.

Rice Krispies Treats are no exception to the rule. Kellogg’s “new” Cocoa Krispies Treats—which have probably been released before—come in original and “with Milk Chocolate M&M’s Minis” varieties. Since that’s like IHOP selling Plain Waffles and Belgian Waffles with Maple Syrup for the same price, I predict that boxes of normal Cocoa Krispies Treats will slowly gather dust on grocery shelves until the zombie apocalypse, at which point they’ll be used and traded as valuable currency.

But I’m not here to talk about disappointing, underachieving, and plain Cocoa Krispies Treats. Today is all about his Harvard-bound, candy morsel-stuffed older brother. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, cereal bars, chocolate, kelloggs, rice krispies. Leave a comment

Jul. ’16

Review: Starbucks “Pop-Tarts” — Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie

Despite what you may have seen or heard, this isn’t an actual Starbucks Pop-Tart. It isn’t a Starbucks Toaster Strudel, either. And it certainly is not a Starbucks Magpie, since i’m pretty sure the coffee chain’s aviary license expired decades ago.

No, Starbucks’ latest sugary coffee companions are the invention of New York baker Meghan Ritchie, and they’re called Megpies. More specifically, they are “artisan tarts,” which Google Translate claims is hipster-speak for “please don’t shame me as I dip this double-decker Pop-Tart into my Cotton Candy Frappuccino and accidentally spill some on my portable typewriter.”

Individually wrapped and sold next to the register, these all-natural Megpies come in strawberry and cinnamon + brown sugar. I can only assume this is a non-sugar coated (but still literally sugar coated) attempt to mimic Pop-Tarts’ two most popular flavors: Frosted Strawberry and Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon.

Since I’ve eaten enough Tiny Toast cereal this summer to give myself a not-so-tiny bloat, I decided to give the berries a break this time and give in to Cinnamon + Brown Sugar’s spicy temptation.

Oh, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t try one of each, it’s because these Totally Not Pop-Tarts will run you back $3.95 a pop, which is indeed more than the cost of a 16-count Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart box. That’s fine, Starbucks, as long as this Megpie has few shares of Google stock buried in its gooey innards. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cinnamon, non cereal, pop-tarts. 15 Comments

Jul. ’16

Review: Nature’s Path Organic Qi’a Superfood Cocoa Coconut Superflakes Cereal

Qi’a?

You mean like that car company? Or are you talking about those cute ceramic pets that grow plants on their backs? Oh, wait, you must be thinking of “iQi’a,” the popular Swedish furniture and meatball emporium.

Forgive me for the bad puns, but those were the things that came to my mind as I tried pronouncing the name of Qi’a Cocoa Coconut aloud in the cereal aisle. I’m still not sure I’m saying it right, and since it took me 3 months just to wrap my tongue around the correct pronunciation of quinoa, I might just quite while I’m ahead.

Nature’s Path Organic’s current Qi’a line of power bars and oatmeal also includes three new Superflakes cereals (the other two are Coconut Chia and Honey Chia). They’re expensive, so I had to be selective in my choice. I figured Cocoa Coconut would make for the most unique cereal, since chocolate and coconut is rarely seen in cereal ever since my doctor told me that “eating fudge-dipped macaroons in milk isn’t part of this complete breakfast.”

I guess he skipped the med school lesson on “how to diagnose a good time.” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, chocolate, coconut, nature's path, qi'a. 19 Comments

Jul. ’16

Review: Kirkland Signature Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola with Almonds

I was once content with being a mere granola observer. But thanks to Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola, I’m a believer.

You see, I used to view granola as cereal’s athletic and beefy older sibling. While cereal and I were happy crashing on the couch with a bowlful of technicolor sugar whirlpools, granola was climbing mountains of Greek yogurt and swimming in protein shakes. I never hated granola for being more active than me, but you better believe I turned up the volume on The Price is Right when he walked into the room.

But all that has changed. After a failed search for Sam’s Club’s economy-sized boxes of Multigrain Cheerios + Ancient Grains, I braved Costco instead for something to satisfy my ancient yearnings. And despite sounding like the premise of another Scorpion King sequel (they made five of those movies?), that Costco quest led me to this epiphanic tweet:

It's 1:32 A.M. and I just ate the greatest granola of my life. More to come on this soon…

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) July 14, 2016

Allow me to fulfill that promise of “more to come.” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, almond, cinnamon, granola, kirkland, nature's path, non cereal. 8 Comments

Jul. ’16

Review: Mom’s Best Cereals Jungle Berry Crunch

Oh Cap’n, my…wait a minute. Yarr, this isn’t Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchberries! This be Mom’s Best Cereals’ quasi-generic rendition of Crunchberries: Jungle Berry Crunch!

Shiver me timbers: how embarrassin’! This be just like the time I meant to fly a carrier pigeon to me scurvy mate with the message “ye bringin’ the grog on the ‘morrow, matey?” and accidentally flew it to me own ma, instead. I was grounded like a landlubber for fortnights.

Oh, aye, ye may be wonderin’ whyabouts I be blubberin’ like a pirate. Well let ol’ Danbeard spin ye a briny yarn about this here cereal of the sea. Jungle Berry Crunch may sound like it belongs in some scallywag’s Zimbabwean vacation, but it tastes like something a treacherous buccaneer like ol’ Jean LaFoote himself would find when marooned on a tropical island!

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, cap'n crunch, mom's best, strawberry. 8 Comments