Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Froot Loops with Winter Blast Marshmallows Cereal

Cash registers cha-ching, are you listening?

In the checkout lane, my bought milk is glistening.

A fruity sweet sight, I’ll be eating tonight:

Chalkin’ in a Winter Blast ‘mallow land!

Good luck topping that instant classic, Michael Bublé! That’s right, my fellow cereal-loving, holiday-hyping friends, today’s seasonally appropriate review will be of Froot Loops with Winter Blast Marshmallows, a new offering from Kellogg’s for 2015 that takes the Froot Loops we all know and love (to chug down with milk!) and pairs them with little white and blue winter chalk nuggets…I mean marshmallows!

But what do these “Winter Blast” marshmallows have that differentiates them from regular Froot Loops with Marshmallows, or even with this past October’s Halloween Froot Loops with Skeleton Marshmallows? I know you’re shaking with anticipation, so please just watch the entirety of this video, and then I’ll tell you! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, froot loops, holiday, kelloggs. 4 Comments

Dec. ’15

Review: Trader Joe’s Cranberry Gingerbread Granola

I love gingerbread. I’m saying it now. I’m saying it in short, staccato sentences. I love gingerbread men. I love gingerbread houses. I love the character of Gingy in the Shrek films. I insist people call me “Gingerbread Dan” around Christmastime. I’d give up an arm and a leg of my own if it meant getting the chance to bite the arms and legs off of a discontinued Kemps Gingerbread Man ice cream sandwich again.

I love their earthy color. I love the blend of spices. I love the molasses. But most of all, I love the sadistic joy of tearing a soft, pliable sugar man limb from tasty limb all in the name of holiday spirit. Please mention that last sentence in my eulogy.

To any cereal company reading this, I have only 3 words:
Gingerbread. Cereal. PLEASE.

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) November 30, 2015

I’ve campaigned for gingerbread flavored cereals before to no avail. So that’s why when I heard about Trader Joe’s new Cranberry Gingerbread Granola, my heart started pumping faster than the Gingerbread Man’s when he’s running away from those who chase him. But will this mix of “whole grain oats with dried cranberries, ginger, and wintry spices” be a winter win? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, granola, holiday, trader joe's. 5 Comments

Dec. ’15

Review: Quaker Real Medleys Steel Cut Apple Pear Pecan Flavor Oatmeal

As the days get shorter, the names of all the Quaker oatmeal products out there keep getting longer. And while I may be about a month late on the “autumnal apple cinnamon” trend, I thought I’d toss out another oatmeal review for all of you out there who want to snuggle up by the fire with a warm bowl of mushy ‘meal.

So allow me to introduce the possibly new (who really knows when these things are new anymore? I think there are more Quaker oatmeal varieties than there are actual Quakers) Quaker Real Medleys Steel Cut Apple Pear Pecan Flavor Oatmeal!

Hey, these are steel cut! And steely is a synonym for cold-blooded! You know what else is cold?

Snow!

There’s the obvious winter connection. Phew, now I’m off the hook for being so late.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 2 rating, non cereal, oatmeal, quaker. 2 Comments

Dec. ’15

Review: Trix Cereal without Artificial Flavors & Colors

Times change, friends.

When they debuted in 1955, Trix were in spherical shapes. But in the 1990s, they became the fruit-shaped pieces that many today insist they always have been. It wasn’t until 2007 that Trix became spheres once more, and the fruit-shapes were left to populate every single BuzzFeed “Top 25 Foods from our Childhood that We Want Back NOW! You Won’t BELIEVE #12!” article from now until eternity.

Oh, and apparently fruit-shaped Trix are still a thing in Mexico. I smell a fruit-scented roadtrip!

And now that General Mills has removed artificial colors and flavors from Trix, some are, again, mourning the loss of a childhood staple. But wait! Back when they debuted, Trix only came in orange, lemon, and raspberry flavors! As these artificial color-free Trix adopt a similar color scheme, it can be said that the cereal really has come full circle.

Or should I say full sphere?

Either way, I’m here to answer the hard-hitting question that you, your family, and probably even the United Nations have been debating: will they taste the same as”regular” Trix? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, general mills, trix. 10 Comments

Dec. ’15

Review: Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Cereal

We’re a few days deep into December now, and even though I have yet to be buried a few feet deep in snow, the holiday spirit is already coursing through my veins like some sort of magical energizing fifth humor that the Greeks never noticed. Or maybe I’m just feeling a rush from all the sugar in this Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch.

Returning in a new, vibrant red packaging for 2015 (SCTC debuted last winter), Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch combines 4 of the greatest words of all time into one great cereal name. I mean, seriously: sugar, cookie, toast, and crunch. Each of these words on its own represents something fantastic and delightful, and now they’re all partying together in the form of white powdered flakes.

The only way General Mills could’ve made the name more badass is if they somehow worked in the word “Tyrannosaurus.”

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills, holiday, toast crunch. 5 Comments

Nov. ’15

Review: Kashi Honey Sunshine Cereal

Despite the cornu-copious stacks of Thanksgiving leftovers filling my fridge like a game of tupperware Jenga, after Hot Turkey Sandwich #3, I’m left hungry for something simpler. Something that doesn’t need 45 seconds in the microwave and then 45 more seconds in the microwave because the outside didn’t feel hot but the inside is secretly fiery magma that’s about to give my tongue a sizzling suplex.

And what exactly is that something? Well take one more look at the name of this website and then guess.

That’s right: I need some cereal!

And since I’ve already reviewed the most Thanksgiving-y cereal on store shelves, I’m gonna sit my buns down on the couch-y and snuggle up with a different bowl of Kashi. Since the days are growing shorter and colder, it felt right to go with Honey Sunshine. Besides, with Black Friday upon us, we certainly could use a little sunshine. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kashi. 6 Comments

Nov. ’15

Review: Kashi Sprouted Grains Cereal

What happened here?

There’s a bowl in front of me. There’s a little bit of milk left in it, and it’s tinted a light beige, as if there had once been a cereal bathing in its milky goodness.

But…but I can’t remember eating any cereal recently. My palate feels clean and unflavored; no sugary aftertaste sits comfortably on my tongue.

What happened here?

If you’ve ever seen the movie Memento, I invite you to read that first bit of confused rambling in the smoky voice of Guy Pearce himself. And while that narrative may be a bit hyperbolic, it is quite reflective of my experience with Kashi’s “new” Sprouted Grains cereal.

And hey, while I’m on a Memento kick (a remake was just announced!), let’s just do this review backwards, too. I hope you can humor me long enough to follow along.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 3 rating, kashi. Leave a comment