Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Boo Berry Cereal (2015)

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I can think of no better way to start this review than with a ghost emoji. Okay, maybe if it was a blue ghost emoji (get your priorities straight, Apple!).

Now that Count Chocula and Franken Berry have had their time in the ethereal spotlight, we must complete the monster cereal trilogy (if only it were a quintilogy; we miss you, Fruit Brute, and Yummy Mummy!) by highlighting the mischievous blue specter himself: Boo Berry!

Unlike the Count’s chocolate fanaticism and Frank’s strong strawberry love, Boo Berry takes a more polygamist flavor approach. You would expect an outright claim to blueberry, but his cereal claims to simply be “berry” flavored. Rather than being deterred by this vagueness, I take it as an open invitation to interpret whatever wild Snozzberry or Islandberry flavors my imagination desires.

It’s like the cereal equivalent of an abstract painting! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, boo berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 4 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts vs. Trader Joe’s Organic Frosted Pumpkin Toaster Pastries

As the toaster pops up, it’s time for two pastries to throw down.

With little cartoon pumpkins spreading throughout grocery store aisles like some sort of vegetable venereal disease, it’s hard to know which products do the orange orb its proper justice. And when you’re 5 minutes late to work in the morning, you certainly don’t have time to philosophically pontificate over the pros and cons of different pumpkin breakfast options (“the frosting on this one really speaks to me, but what would Kierkegaard think?”).

But don’t worry. We’re here to help.

Better than Wrestlemania. Better than a monster truck rally. Better than the World Series, Stanley Cup championship, and Wimbledon all mixed together in a Super Bowl: it’s time for a toaster tart face-off.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 8 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts, pumpkin, trader joe's. 2 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Count Chocula Treats Cereal Bars

Have you ever thought, “Gee, I love Count Chocula, but eating a bowl of it with milk in the middle of rush hour traffic sure is a hassle! I wish it were considerably more…rectangular!”

Well then it’s time to trick-or-treat yourself, because Count Chocula Treats have returned to save your morning commute from milk spills caused by unexpected brake-slamming.

Earlier this month, I mistakenly predicted that Count Chocula Treats would be a Canadian exclusive this season. While my neighbors to the north may still be the only ones getting Treats with orange chocolate, the cereal bars have finally made their way to American shelves.

What took you so long, Count? I guess when you’re an ageless, blood-sucking entity, you tend to lose track of time. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 10 rating, cereal bars, count chocula, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 2 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Trader Joe’s Country Pumpkin Spice Granola Cereal

It’s official.

The month of October will no longer be known as the “Halloween season.” Instead, it will officially be deemed “Trader Joe’s month-long pumpkin-palooza.”

Seriously, walking into a TJ’s this time of year is like being transported into one of your grandma’s autumn tablecloths, with every store orifice (storeifice, for short) being plastered with kitschy graphics of everyone’s favorite vegetable. Or fruit. Whatever the heck your know-it-all cousin insists that it “technically” is.

And while I’ve already discussed Pumpkin O’s cereal, it isn’t the only pumpkin cereal Trader Joe has plucked from his field. So whether or not you consider granola to be an actual cereal (the word is on the box so leave me alone, dang it!), it’s time to give Country Pumpkin Spice Granola its time in the candlelit spotlight. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, granola, pumpkin, trade joe's. Leave a comment

Oct. ’15

Review: Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s Cereal

Ahh, Trader Joe’s.

With its Hawaiian shirt-wearing employees, its whimsical wordplay, and its overwhelmingly campy atmosphere, I’ve always thought of it as the grocery store equivalent of Uncle Joey from Full House.

And just like how everyone’s goofy uncle has some sort of kitschy obsession, Trader Joe’s goes absolutely ~~bananas~~ pumpkins during the fall season.

That’s right. I just turned pumpkins into a verb. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, pumpkin, trader joe's. 3 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Franken Berry Cereal (2015)

Tired of Count Chocula stealing the spotlight with his toothy grin, Franken Berry shoves the cloaked, cocoa narcissist aside.

“That’s the last straw,” he bellows. “It’s time for strawberries to run this show!”

I hope you’re getting berry excited for Halloween, because now that the wonderful month of October is finally in full swing (speaking of which: just look at all the glorious fake skeletons swinging in the breeze!), it’s time to crack open another box of General Mills’ monster cereals, which are back with a ~~bloodthirsty~~ milkthirsty vengeance for the 2015 season. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, franken berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 3 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Halloween Apple Jacks and Froot Loops Cereals with Skeleton Marshmallows

Before this Halloween, if you gleefully said you were eating a bowl of milk bones, your friends and family would either look at you strangely for munching on dog treats, or they would say “honey, get the camera: the dog is talking!”

But thanks to Kellogg’s, now you can finally achieve your dream of crunching femurs into dust without fear of social alienation or a life sentence. Along with Halloween Krave, Kellogg’s 2015 Halloween cereal offering features two new seasonal versions of Apple Jacks and Froot Loops, each with orange and white bone marshmallows that let you build a sugary model of a skeleton.

What do I say to this idea? Boo!

(In the cool, ghost way, of course. Not the “you stink” way.) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, apple jacks, froot loops, halloween, kelloggs. 1 Comment

Oct. ’15

Review: Cap’n Crunch’s Halloween Crunch Cereal (2015)

Does just looking at this cereal box make you green with envy?

Well just wait until you see the milk.

That’s right, boils & ghouls: Cap’n Crunch’s Halloween Crunch has arisen from its annual resting place to haunt your pantry in the absolute best way possible. The base cereal formula is the same as previous years: plain Cap’n Crunch pieces mixed with orange Crunchberry ghosts that are coated in a mystical ectoplasm that turns milk green (this sentence in itself is worth embroidering on a throw pillow).

However, this year’s box art cranks up the spook to a level even Spinal Tap would scoff at. While previous boxes contented themselves with putting the Cap’n on a pumpkin or dressing him up in costume, this year he is literally a zombie! I’m so excited my sentences automatically started italicizing themselves! This is scary! How do I turn this off? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cap'n crunch, halloween, quaker. 1 Comment