French Toast Crunch is a rare breed in the winding history of cereal, and its storyline seems more fitting for a series of Christopher Nolan movies than for a box of sweetened corn pieces.
Upon its introduction in 1995, French Toast Crunch was a hero. Beloved by children, adults, seniors, dogs, and sea urchins (probably) alike for its unique maple flavor, French Toast Crunch was something worth writing about in your Trapper Keeper. Continue reading
Kellogg’s has some big, squishy shoes to fill.
By putting the Froot Loops name on a new fruit snacks product, as well as the friendly visage of Toucan Sam himself, Kellogg’s better be ready for comparisons to be drawn between the snacks and Froot Loops cereal itself (after all, that’s the only reason we’re featuring these!).
Even more important, though, is that Froot Loops Letters are also going to be compared to Kellogg’s other fruit snacks. Oh yeah, you know which ones I mean. Continue reading
“I’ll have a s’more, please.”
“S’more? Some more what?”
Ever since Sir Lancelot first used his spear to skewer a medieval marshmallow over a fire (note to self: edit Wikipedia later to make this seem true), this same horrific joke has come to ruin countless summer bonfires like a punny plague, all because of that one guy who always thinks this joke is so funny. You know the one: smug grin, weird cutoff jean shorts, and everyone kinda wonders who even invited him.
Oh wait. That guy is me. Continue reading
What would Tony the Tiger say about the new Frosted Flakes with Energy Clusters from Kellogg’s? And I mean the real, Thurl Ravenscroft-voiced Tony the Tiger, not the meme-spouting CGI self-parody he has become. My guess is something along the lines of:
“They’re GRRRRanulated indictments of the 21st century zeitgeist’s perplexing infatuation with ‘health-ifying’ every facet of their day, despite the tendency of producers to use puffery and buzzwords to beguile and mislead!”
Or maybe he’d just say they’re great. Tomato, to-mah-toe, right? Continue reading
Wait, wait! Come back!
I know what you’re thinking:
“Toasted Oatmeal Flakes? That sounds like the kind of boring cereal that’s been sitting in the back of my grandma’s pantry since the Great Depression forced people to hand-toast their oatmeal. I almost fell asleep halfway through reading the word OatmZzzZz…”
But your weirdly specific thought would be wrong. Because these are good. So good that, somewhere in the ghostly beyond, the Quaker Oats guy is shaking his fist and bellowing:
“Why didn’t I think of this first?!” Continue reading
There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?
*triumphant opening credits music plays*
And so begins the introduction to Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Awakens, Realizes It is Hungry, Checks the Pantry, Sees Only Star Wars Cereal, Groans, and Heads Back to Bed Continue reading
Chex Clusters!
Frosted Flakes with Energy Clusters!
Cheerios Protein!
The cereal aisle has become a genuine clusterf*** of “extreme” styled cereal boxes boasting to passerby that their addition of oat clusters has somehow made a sugar-filled classic into something more suitable for the health-conscious.
Somewhere nearby, Honey Bunches of Oats smirks smugly at all the newbies: he’s had energy-packed clusters since 1989!
The latest of these breakfast bandwagoners is Chex Clusters. Continue reading
Canada Day occurred this past week, and this weekend marks the much-beloved American Independence Day (you can tell it’s July 4th solely by the collective sound of several million ketchup bottles squelching their tomato-y innards in unison over millions more hot dogs and hamburgers). But this is Cerealously, not “Catching Up with Ketchup,” so let’s talk about what really matters.
I was lucky enough to spend this past week on vacation with my family that has become a loving American-Canadian hybrid. What this meant was that the pantry shelves were packed tight with snacks of both origins, a union which I viewed as an edible symbol of our countries’ goodwill. I mean, is there anything more beautiful than learning French as you eat?
Bilingualism: it’s what’s for breakfast. Continue reading
