Black Friday must have gone too far this time.
Since the shop-and-stomp bonanza keeps starting earlier and earlier—now beginning well into Thanksgiving Day—our favorite turkey munching holiday has also been forced to start early. Over 3 months early, in fact.
At least, this is the only reasonable explanation I can think of that Kashi Sweet Potato Sunshine cereal is already on store shelves. Because this cereal tastes like Thanksgiving dinner in your cereal bowl. Continue reading
I know, I know.
You’re probably sick of seeing these little yellow dudes everywhere. From the neighborhood crane machine, to to the little stickers on bananas, all the way to the life quote meme your grandma shared on Facebook in all caps, they’ve invaded every aspect of daily life with their soulless, goggled eyes and Twinkie-esque bodies.
But now that Minion fever is beginning to taper off, it’s time for a rational, clear-headed look at one of the more interesting Minions-branded products to hit shelves: General Mills’ “special edition” Minions cereal. Continue reading
French Toast Crunch is a rare breed in the winding history of cereal, and its storyline seems more fitting for a series of Christopher Nolan movies than for a box of sweetened corn pieces.
Upon its introduction in 1995, French Toast Crunch was a hero. Beloved by children, adults, seniors, dogs, and sea urchins (probably) alike for its unique maple flavor, French Toast Crunch was something worth writing about in your Trapper Keeper. Continue reading
Kellogg’s has some big, squishy shoes to fill.
By putting the Froot Loops name on a new fruit snacks product, as well as the friendly visage of Toucan Sam himself, Kellogg’s better be ready for comparisons to be drawn between the snacks and Froot Loops cereal itself (after all, that’s the only reason we’re featuring these!).
Even more important, though, is that Froot Loops Letters are also going to be compared to Kellogg’s other fruit snacks. Oh yeah, you know which ones I mean. Continue reading
“I’ll have a s’more, please.”
“S’more? Some more what?”
Ever since Sir Lancelot first used his spear to skewer a medieval marshmallow over a fire (note to self: edit Wikipedia later to make this seem true), this same horrific joke has come to ruin countless summer bonfires like a punny plague, all because of that one guy who always thinks this joke is so funny. You know the one: smug grin, weird cutoff jean shorts, and everyone kinda wonders who even invited him.
Oh wait. That guy is me. Continue reading
What would Tony the Tiger say about the new Frosted Flakes with Energy Clusters from Kellogg’s? And I mean the real, Thurl Ravenscroft-voiced Tony the Tiger, not the meme-spouting CGI self-parody he has become. My guess is something along the lines of:
“They’re GRRRRanulated indictments of the 21st century zeitgeist’s perplexing infatuation with ‘health-ifying’ every facet of their day, despite the tendency of producers to use puffery and buzzwords to beguile and mislead!”
Or maybe he’d just say they’re great. Tomato, to-mah-toe, right? Continue reading
Wait, wait! Come back!
I know what you’re thinking:
“Toasted Oatmeal Flakes? That sounds like the kind of boring cereal that’s been sitting in the back of my grandma’s pantry since the Great Depression forced people to hand-toast their oatmeal. I almost fell asleep halfway through reading the word OatmZzzZz…”
But your weirdly specific thought would be wrong. Because these are good. So good that, somewhere in the ghostly beyond, the Quaker Oats guy is shaking his fist and bellowing:
“Why didn’t I think of this first?!” Continue reading
There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?
*triumphant opening credits music plays*
And so begins the introduction to Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Awakens, Realizes It is Hungry, Checks the Pantry, Sees Only Star Wars Cereal, Groans, and Heads Back to Bed Continue reading
