17

Sep. ’15

Special: Spooned & Spotted — Mini-Wheats Pumpkin Spice Cereal

image1Pop quiz! Without reading ahead, where was this photo taken?

If you answered “a pumpkin patch,” “my dreams,” or “an idealistic utopia in which Halloween occurs 365 days a year,” you would, unfortunately, be incorrect.

Nope, reader Marc P. spotted these elusive Mini-Wheats Pumpkin at his local Wegmans store and, as any true cereal fan would, wanted to share it with the world. Thanks, Marc!

Personally, I’m equally as interested in whatever amazing Halloween confection the Pillsbury Doughboy is hawking. I want to buy it simply so I can coat random passerby in black and orange sprinkles like the world’s most annoying sandman.

Unfortunately, we here at Cerealously are still desperately searching for a box for ourselves. So Marc, if you’d like to pour a bowl and grab a Ouija board, perhaps our ethereal spirit could consume it in lieu of our corporeal bodies. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too many horror movies.

Kellogg’s has been promoting this cereal pretty heavily, so you may have already seen it carving up your Twitter timeline.

This post ended a little short, so how about we brighten your Friday with a classic Mini-Wheats commercial, from before the entire ethos of the cereal became “anthropomorphized squares help kids get to school on time.” This commercial makes one yearn for a simpler era, when the entire world had a VHS filter draped over it and people could drop When Harry Met Sally references with reckless abandon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYleD8C4ECI

If you’d like to see your picture or thoughts featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post, click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

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15

Sep. ’15

Review: Canadian Cheerios Plus Cereal (Honey Almond & Cinnamon Coconut)

IMG_3830♫ O Canadaaaa… ♪

It’s a shame General Mills wasn’t able to work some form of that musical pun into the promotion of their new, Canada-exclusive line of Cheerios Plus cereals. But I guess I can’t blame them: General Mills U.S. hasn’t used “The Sprinkle-Spangled Banner” yet, either.

As I wrote previously, Cheerios Plus appears to be a Canadian take on the U.S.’s recent Cheerios Protein cereals. Like Cheerios Protein, Cheerios Plus boasts the addition of new, healthier ingredients.

But there are a few differences here between Plus and Protein, both on a surface and flavor level. Cheerios Plus ditches the bulky cardboard box of its U.S. brother in favor of a sleek, modern black bag. I’m not sure how I feel about this choice; on one hand, it reduces waste. But on the other, it leaves my Cheerios in such a fragile state that the noise of a passing lawnmower could pulverize them into dust like an opera singer shattering a wine glass.

But hey, if they’re from a country that already bags its milk, I guess bagged cereal is a logical next step. What’s next: bagged scrambled eggs? Continue reading →

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12

Sep. ’15

Review: Count Chocula Cereal (2015)

Count Chocula BoxIt feels just like Christmas morning…that is, if your idea of Christmas morning involves carved pumpkins, $2 fake cobwebs from CVS, and VHS tapes of the Halloween series playing on infinite repeat (yes, even The Curse of Michael Myers is welcome here).

Why is that?

Because monster cereals are back, baby!

Even though it’s only mid-September, and people haven’t even put away their Labor Day decorations yet (you mean you don’t have a giant inflatable businessman on your front lawn?), Walgreen’s is already committed to injecting the orange and black life essence of Halloween straight into the veins of consumers. Okay, maybe a poor choice of verbiage for a place that contains a pharmacy. Continue reading →

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09

Sep. ’15

Review: Kellogg’s Origins Fruit & Nut Blend Cereal

IMG_3815This summer: Brendan Fraser returns in the prequel to the sequel that no one was asking for. Have you ever wondered about the origins of the Origins?

No? Well too bad.

Because it’s about to get real nutty up in here.

That’s right, last time I reviewed a flavor of Kellogg’s Origins, I likened the name to a Brendan Fraser movie. And like any sequel, this second flavor in Kellogg’s new health-focused line of grain cereals is fraught with disappointment, sadness, and…cranberries?

As before, a cutout section on the box’s front gives a sneak peek into the bag’s contents. So don’t worry: there’s actually cereal inside. Kellogg’s isn’t trying to trick you into buying a box full of gravel and old Beanie Babies. Continue reading →

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07

Sep. ’15

Special: Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca — Alpha-Bits Cereal

Even though many students have Labor Day off of school, it’s time for a spelling lesson.

Or maybe just another cereal lesson. That’s right, cereal knowledge bomb-dropper Gabe Fonseca returns once more with the latest in his Cereal Time YouTube series, which seeks to teach the masses about what really matters in life.

Who needs accounting and mechanical engineering when you have cereal? After all, history’s many popular cereal brands can be seen as oat-based, sugar-coated symbols of the world’s evolving cultural zeitgeist. Or you can just see them as delicious.

And this week’s focus certainly has evolved. Alpha-Bits cereal has seen many mascots over the years, from a postman, to a dog, all the way to the Jackson 5. Although, as many have pointed out, the normalization of Alpha-Bits over the years into a bland, personality-less cereal could be seen as more of a devolution.

Oh well, maybe you can still use the grainy oats to teach your horse how to read. Mister Ed 2015, anyone?

And you know the drill: for more cereal action, check out Gabe’s other Cereal Time videos, and check out his quality Tweets, as well. Where else can you find badass Star Wars sneaker glamour shots?

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05

Sep. ’15

Review: Cracklin’ Oat Bran Cereal

IMG_3811How did I get here?

All I did was innocently pour myself a bowl of Cracklin’ Oat Bran. Sure, my friends told me that it was a “slippery slope,” and that “once you crackle, there’s no going backle.” But I didn’t listen. No cereal could be that good, let alone that addicting.

Yet here I am: curled up in the fetal position on a milk-stained mattress in the basement of some “Cracklin’ house.” As I pull myself to my feet, the air is dusty with cinnamon and graham. I stagger to the door, past the scores of bran junkies, savagely filling their spoons and stuffing their faces with little brown rectangles in a futile attempt to recapture the thrill of that first bowl. I leave, and blinded by the daylight (how long have I been here?), I wonder how I hit this new low.

Cracklin’ Oat Bran: not even once. Continue reading →

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03

Sep. ’15

Review: Crispix Cereal

IMG_3804The year is 20IXIX.

The city is in ruins. Gangs have taken over the streets: burning down kids’ lemonade stands, filling mailboxes with wasps, and helping old ladies cross the street…BY THROWING THEM.

And it’s all because of the diabolical Crispix Corporation.

Are you a bad enough dude to stop them?

Let me amend that post-apocalyptic premise by saying that I have absolutely nothing against Crispix cereal. It just sounds exactly like the name of a generic, evil business conglomerate from an ’80s cyberpunk techno-dystopia movie. Continue reading →

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01

Sep. ’15

Special: Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca — Addams Family Cereal

Have you been Cousin It-ching to relive another classic cereal?

Well the latest in cereal-ology scholar Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series is ready to scratch that nostalgic itch. As regular readers (or viewers) know, Gabe’s series of videos evoke the spirit of childhood through quick cuts, bright colors, and even cartoon clips. And unlike most cereals today which have done away with the concept, this Cereal Time video has a prize inside!

This installment covers Addam’s Family cereal, which creeped onto store shelves in 1991 and lasted until 1993, as Gabe details in the video. Gabe pours an actual box of the maroon and pale cereal pieces, but doesn’t eat any. Like many Addams Family characters, this cereal looks a little too…undead. At least Ralston didn’t try to recreate the texture of Cousin It with the oat pieces.

Be sure to check the link in the video for a chance to win an actual Cousin It flashlight premium that paired with the cereal back in the spooky, scary ’90s (*cue ghost voices saying “oooooohhhhh!”*). Also check out Gabe’s Twitter and watch all of his other Cereal Time videos.

They really are a scream, I promise!

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