Tag Archives: 5 rating

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts

You might be wondering why it has taken me so long to post a review of these new Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts. As someone who collects Pop-Tarts like they’re sugary pastry trading cards (picture me sliding a Frosted Strawberry into a Yu-Gi-Oh duel disk), I agree that I should have had this review up eons ago.

But I’ve been staring at this box of Pop-Tarts for a solid month now, because I just can’t decide whether I like them.

“Oh, these are terrible!” I’ll mumble to myself, as I slide another Tart in my mouth, chasing it with a glass of milk to form a flowing Maple Bacon Log Flume down through my esophagus.

To quote Kylo Ren: “I’m being torn apart!” I wonder if it was a Maple Bacon Pop-Tart that turned him to the Dark Side. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kelloggs, maple, non cereal, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

Jan. ’16

Review: LOVE GROWN FOODS Chocolate Comet Crispies, Fruity Sea Stars, and Blueberry Vanilla Polar Puffs Cereals

Who needs Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or The Dark Knight when you can have edible cereal trilogies? After all, the “One Ring to rule them all” has nothing on the sugary loops of Frosted Cheerios. Forget “ruling:” I’d rather be drooling.

And speaking of cereal trilogies, coming soon to a pantry near you is LOVE GROWN FOODS’ new trio of kid-focused, bean-based cereals. I previewed them last week, but now it’s time to ditch the “p” and get right down to the crunchy business of reviewing.

So grab the leftover holiday casserole, buy a few cans of Busch’s, grind up some coffee, and put on a Rowan Atkinson DVD, because today is all about beans!

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, 6 rating, 8 rating, love grown foods. 4 Comments

Jan. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Special K Nourish Apple Raspberry Almond Cereal

(EDIT: For those curious, I reviewed the other flavor of Special K Nourish here!)

New hobby: going into Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods and counting the number of ways I hear “quinoa” mispronounced. It’s amazing how many different Frankenstein’s word monsters can be created with just three syllables.

But I won’t judge. After all, I’m the same guy who simply refuses to pronounce “gyro,” “ricotta,” or “gnocchi” properly out of some bizarre sense of pride.

Anyway, that was my attempt to make an interesting introduction to a cereal that sounds boring, but actually has a lot more going on than any eavesdropped Whole Foods conversation. I know what you’re thinking: “Another Special K cereal with a name that takes longer to say than it does to eat? I’ll pass.” But just hear me out. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kelloggs, special k. 9 Comments

Dec. ’15

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts

Christmas is less than a week behind us. Even though snow is still falling, tacky wreaths are still hanging, and leftover stuffing is still being refrigerated, Kellogg’s just released what might be their summeriest Pop-Tart yet (wait, “summeriest” is really a word? Saying it out loud makes me feel like a kindergartener who got vocabulary lessons from a slurring, drunken pirate).

They’re Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts, and even though this flavor existed way back in the ancient 1990s (doesn’t that picture look like something out of a bootleg Zoombinis game?), the nearly two decades between its appearances has nevertheless made this flavor pop up in the headlines of clickbait articles everywhere: “4 INSANE New Pop-Tart Flavors You’d be CLINICALLY INSANE to Try!”

But is it true? Will this flavor have me starring in One Chewed Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? Or will it be no zanier than Wild Grape Pop-Tarts? It’s time to stuff my toaster, stuff my face, and tell you all about this stuff. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 7 Comments

Dec. ’15

Review: Froot Loops with Winter Blast Marshmallows Cereal

Cash registers cha-ching, are you listening?

In the checkout lane, my bought milk is glistening.

A fruity sweet sight, I’ll be eating tonight:

Chalkin’ in a Winter Blast ‘mallow land!

Good luck topping that instant classic, Michael Bublé! That’s right, my fellow cereal-loving, holiday-hyping friends, today’s seasonally appropriate review will be of Froot Loops with Winter Blast Marshmallows, a new offering from Kellogg’s for 2015 that takes the Froot Loops we all know and love (to chug down with milk!) and pairs them with little white and blue winter chalk nuggets…I mean marshmallows!

But what do these “Winter Blast” marshmallows have that differentiates them from regular Froot Loops with Marshmallows, or even with this past October’s Halloween Froot Loops with Skeleton Marshmallows? I know you’re shaking with anticipation, so please just watch the entirety of this video, and then I’ll tell you! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, froot loops, holiday, kelloggs. 4 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Boo Berry Cereal (2015)

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I can think of no better way to start this review than with a ghost emoji. Okay, maybe if it was a blue ghost emoji (get your priorities straight, Apple!).

Now that Count Chocula and Franken Berry have had their time in the ethereal spotlight, we must complete the monster cereal trilogy (if only it were a quintilogy; we miss you, Fruit Brute, and Yummy Mummy!) by highlighting the mischievous blue specter himself: Boo Berry!

Unlike the Count’s chocolate fanaticism and Frank’s strong strawberry love, Boo Berry takes a more polygamist flavor approach. You would expect an outright claim to blueberry, but his cereal claims to simply be “berry” flavored. Rather than being deterred by this vagueness, I take it as an open invitation to interpret whatever wild Snozzberry or Islandberry flavors my imagination desires.

It’s like the cereal equivalent of an abstract painting! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, boo berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 4 Comments