Tag Archives: general mills

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal (Canada)

Can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Instant Oatmeal—or as some call it in Canada: “Croque Cannele Gruau Instantané?”

Of course: it’s got cinnamon sugar amorphous globs in every bite! It’s the taste you can see…still sticking to your ceiling three weeks later if you fling it hard enough.

Wait, wait—that’s the oatmeal’s old slogan. The new one is much better: crave those crazy hot oat lumps!

Fine, I give up. There’s no real appetizing catchphrase for Canada’s second new cereal-oatmeal hybrid. And even if there was, a burnt sienna bowl of microwaved roses by any other name would taste just as sweet. Or in the case of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal, just as bland and disappointing. I know I usually leave my opinion out of each review’s introduction, but I couldn’t resist spoiling my spoiled breakfast from the get-go. This oatmeal has a host of toasty problems, so let’s work backwards and try sourcing its flaws like a paleontologist doing CSI on a pile of raptor skeletons. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, canada, cinnamon, general mills, oatmeal, toast crunch. 2 Comments

May. ’17

Review: Lucky Charms Oatmeal (Canada)

This may not be canon, but I believe General Mills’ new Canada-only Lucky Charms Oatmeal is from an alternate timeline in the cereal universe.

In this truly darkest timeline, those cartoon kids who cheerfully steal Lucky the Leprechaun’s sugary breakfast aren’t motivated by hunger or anything rational. No, these serial cereal sociopaths take Lucky’s marshmallowy horseshoes and shooting stars just so they can melt them before his eyes in a bowl of bubbling, magmatic oats.

In this somber universe, Lucky Charms are “masochistically delicious!”

Somehow, those bullies’ mealy instruments of destruction crossed through an inter-dimensional portal and landed on Canadian grocery shelves. It’s the only logical explanation for the grotesque scenes of marshmallowy immolation you’re about to witness. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, general mills, lucky charms, marshmallows, oatmeal. 3 Comments

Apr. ’17

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Lip Balm

What can I say: sometimes I just love cereal so much, I want to kiss it.

I know, I know: a bad one-liner to introduce a bad review. But since this Cinnamon Toast Crunch Lip Balm is the first ever non-edible product I’ve reviewed here, I didn’t know how else to start.

If the antiquated art didn’t give it away, this lip balm totally isn’t new, but I found it in a local grocery bargain bin—along with 10(!) other cereal “flavors”—and I couldn’t resist. I was tempted to drop a crisp green Alexander Hamilton, buy all of them, and coat my mouth ’til it became a living pair of those candy wax lips, but I found some self-restraint and chose the one that sounded like it’d be the most pleasant to have slathered near my taste buds all afternoon.

I’m not saying Cocoa Puff-smacked lips isn’t an appetizing idea, I’m just saying I’ve had enough public Mr. Goodbar mishaps to give me pause. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 3 rating, cinnamon, general mills, non cereal, toast crunch. 3 Comments

Apr. ’17

Why Is Honey Nut Cheerios America’s Best-Selling Cereal? | Infographic

For an impressive 8 (picture two Cheerios stacked on top of each other) years now, Honey Nut Cheerios has been named the best-selling cereal in America.

I would call this unbelievable, but after growing up with a father who exported enough empty Honey Nut Cheerios boxes from our household to build a cardboard replica of the entire Bee Movie set, I’ve experienced first-hand the zealous loyalty this hive-minded cereal can inspire.

But just why does this cereal keep breakfast lovers buzzing nearly 40 years after its introduction? After all, there are other cereals that are sweeter, healthier, or more chocolate chip cookie-shaped. I’ve always wanted to mix some investigative journalism into this blog’s normal stew of reviews and news, so I did some research, flexed my puny graphical muscles, and made an infographic. Click to see it in its full glory:

Are you a true Honey Nut Cheerios bee-liever too? Let me know below just what attracts you to these irresistibly golden-glazed rings. Maybe you and my dad can start a fan club.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cheerios, general mills, honey. 5 Comments

Apr. ’17

Review: Honey Nut Cheerios Granola Snack

Have you ever been eating Honey Nut Cheerios in one hand and Pop Rocks in the other and thought, “Gee, I really wish someone would combine the best of these two completely different foods. That way I could have a free hand for high-fiving strangers, wrangling rattlesnakes, and writing obtusely obscure hypotheticals into online cereal reviews?”

Well think no more and start mindlessly munching, because General Mills’s new Honey Nut Cheerios Granola Snack is about to make your obtuse problem feel a lot more right.

And yes: that was a geometry joke. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, cheerios, general mills, granola, honey. 6 Comments

Mar. ’17

News: Mocha Crunch Cereal Coming Soon from General Mills!

(Image via General Mills and Influenster)

(Update: We reviewed Mocha Crunch Cereal!)

Forget Honey Nut Cheerios: this is the kind of buzz I want on my breakfast table.

I’ve been waiting for a mainstream coffee cereal since I first precociously sipped my grandpa’s Maxwell House at age 9, and now General Mills is making that dream a reality with Mocha Crunch Cereal. Sure, Coffee Cereal exists in its own delicious niche, but ever since I ideated “CappucinOs” for a class project (and permanently answered the question, “what’s wrong with that Dan kid?”), my ideal coffee cereal has been a creamy, milky, and maybe even toffee-y bowl of sweetness.

Hot off the crumbling pastry heels of Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts, General Mills is ready to brew a retailiatory strike with a teal box full of cocoa coffee discs. They appear to have the same chip-less Cookie Crisp shape of Thin Mints Cereal, so I hope Mocha Crunch’s pieces have the same delightfully powdered texture, too.

And let’s hope they contain enough real caffeine to make a Girl Scout earn her “Xtreme Tree Climbing” merit badge.

There’s no official word on when we’ll be able to sip this chocolate bean-y breakfast blend (with a side of Cinnamon Toast Crunch to dip into the endmilk, of course), but our thanks go to our pal The Junk Food Aisle for breaking the fresh-brewed news. Now to find the perfect mug to eat this stuff out of.

I’ll be sure to leave room for cream.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, news. 7 Comments

Mar. ’17

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Granola Snack

Take that, Canada!

You may get exclusive, drool-worthy Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeals, but we here in the States are getting our own cereal-oat hybrid with new Honey Nut Cheerios and Cinnamon Toast Crunch granolas! In fact, this stuff is actually better than granola, because it’s a “Granola Snack!”

Just why is a Granola Snack better than plain ol’ oat clusters? Because with the word “Snack” in the name, I’m justified in munching through a whole bag anywhere, at any time, no matter how ridiculous I look.

Stuck in rush hour traffic and every radio station is playing commercials at the same time? Keep a Granola Snack in your cupholder.

Halfway through a stationary bicycle workout and need something to do with your hands? Double fist two Granola Snacks.

Grocery store ran out of stuffing mix and the turkey’s already in the oven? Spice up your bird with some cornbread and a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Granola Snack.

But okay, okay, I shouldn’t propose ruining Thanksgiving until I know this stuff’s actually good. Let’s go find a spin class and test it out. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, general mills, granola, toast crunch. 8 Comments

Mar. ’17

Review: St. Patrick’s Day Edition Lucky Charms with Green Clovers Cereal

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Or as it’s known in the cereal community, “Unofficial But Pretty Much Official Lucky Charms Day!”

Because let’s be real here: if there were ever a thematically appropriate day to suck down leprechaun-endorsed oats and marshmallows by the beer stein-full, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

As they always do, General Mills and Lucky Charms themselves have acknowledged the iconic cereal’s spiritual tie to this day of green by releasing an especially enviable Lucky Charms with Green Clovers! This cereal has been released before in a number of forms: 2017’s two-toned, minty fresh and earthen pine green shamrock marshmallows aren’t new, but previous years have also seen our four-leaved friends paired with sugary pots o’ gold and gold coins.

Who knows: maybe next year Lucky Charms will “Mix Up” these marshmallows like they did with the others, and we’ll finally get the black and neon pink marbits my edgy high school self always dreamt of. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills, holiday, lucky charms. 4 Comments