Author Archives: dan g.

National Cereal Day News Round-Up

Happy National Cereal Day! Y’know, the day that always sneaks up on me because it falls on such an innocuous date that I end up scrambling to write something for it around 7 at night.

I wish I could celebrate this National Cereal Day with better news, but you’ve probably noticed Cerealously posts have been pretty few and far between lately. The reason why is a little hard to admit, but nevertheless I must be honest: keeping up with this blog just isn’t as fun as it used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I still love cereal, but as with anything you do again and again for a long time, after nearly 8 years of cranking out wordy reviews for every new cereal to hit shelves, it’s gotten a little tiring—and often feels more like an obligation than a relaxing hobby. Not to mention, changes in my personal and professional spheres, as well as new writing and creative projects, have taken up a lot of my free time and energy.

So, sorry to say, but probably don’t expect an uptick in posting frequency any time soon. For Cerealously’s first 7 years or so, I almost never took more than a couple days between posts, so I hope you can understand why I need a little break—until I can confidently say that cereal blogging is fun again, rather than because I feel I have to. I won’t call this a formal hiatus, since I’m sure I’ll pop in with a review or two now and again, but I nevertheless look forward to returning refreshed and hungry when the time is right. My deepest thanks to all of you, long-time readers and newcomers alike. If it weren’t for you all, I would’ve stopped years ago. Be sure to sign up for email updates through the site’s sidebar if you’d like to be immediately notified when I make my grand return.

Rest assured, though: I’ll still be doing The Empty Bowl and posting cereal news etc. on my Twitter. Again, it’s all about time, rather than a lack of subject matter passion, and recording a podcast or shooting off a tweet is way easier than a 700-word blog post.

That said, I’d feel bad leaving you on National Cereal Day with only a sad little “see ya later”—that’d be like getting broken up with on Valentine’s Day. So let’s round up a handful of exciting cereal-aisle developments from the past week or so, shall we? Continue reading

Review: Sweet Dreams Cereals

New Sweet Dreams Cereal Review - Boxes

Aw jeez, gotta write quick: I feel like I’m reviewing on a timer here, like an Evangelion unit disconnected from its power supply. If I trail off mid-sentence, you’ll know that Sweet Dreams Cereal worked and I fell asle

Just kidding, I’m still here and (debatably) lucid. Though my eyes are feeling heavy—but is that because Sweet Dreams, the first cereal designed to be eaten at night to promote restful sleep (with its natural melatonin production-supporting vitamins & minerals), actually works, or because it simply bores me to sleep? Well, turn on your device’s blue-light filter, slip into your finest Sleepytime Tea Bear nightgown/sleeping cap combo, and we’ll all find out together. Continue reading

Counting Down the 5 Best Cereals of 2022!

Top 5 Cereals of 2022

Woof, what a year: and that’s saying something, since I’m a cat person.

I’ll be honest, this was the hardest end-of-year best-of list I’ve had to put together since starting this blog in 2015. Sad to say, but 2022 just was not a strong year for new cereals. You know it’s bad when two out of my top 5 released way back in January, and another didn’t even reach mainstream shelves at all.

I’m no economist, gastronomist, nor Nostradamus, so I really can’t make any authoritative statements on what went wrong with ’22’s meagre chews and what that bodes for the future of cereal, but if I could summarize my observations in two words, I’d go with misplaced innovation. I know that sounds heinous considering how big of a proponent I am for doing new things in the cereal aisle, but when those new things consisted mainly of collectible hypebeast box collabs and the kind of temperature thaumaturgy that resulted in the year’s two worst cereals, maybe by “innovation” I mean I just want to see decadent new flavor explorations, rather than flashy cardboard or outright alchemy.

But enough about the bad apples: let’s focus on the good noodles. Continue reading

Review: Cheerios Oat Crunch – Berry

New Cheerios Berry Oat Crunch Review - Box

Senioritis is real.

In my fourth year at the fancy-pants math & science high school I went to—which I mention not as a brag, for it was essentially just a safe haven for nerds who’d get be-swirlied and de-lunch-moneyed otherwise—my annual research group fell so far from our former graces. Where once we studied the effects of atmospheric conditions on things like coffee acidity and laser attenuation, we ended our esteemed tenure like a squeaking mouse fart in the night, deciding instead to determine the effect of a potato’s surface area on its rate of osmosis….a question so obvious that a root vegetable hooked to a battery could probably figure it out.

Naturally, our teacher admonished us but ultimately let us get away with it, because once you’re mentally checked out with the tantalizing liberation of college on the horizon, it would take a menacing cyborg library cop to check us back in. And luckily, our little geek asylum wasn’t that well funded.

Why do I bring this up? Because “Berry” is now the fourth member to join the Cheerios Oat Crunch family of cereals, an esteemed breakfast dynasty that I’ve no-doubt given more consistently positive feedback than any other cereal line reviewed on this site. Between the tongue-hugging warmth of Cinnamon Oat Crunch, the golden perfection of Oats ‘N Honey (well, other than that imperfectly stylized ‘N), and the nutty nuance of Almond Oat Crunch, Cheerios G.O.A.T. Crunch has truly done no wrong…

…and now we have Berry.

I think you can see where I’m going with this. Continue reading

News: 3 New Special K Flavors, Coming this January

Special K Chocolate Almond

Wow, three whole Special K flavors? Hitting stores this January? What a tr—hey, you: wake up! I get it, new Special K news doesn’t exactly wow me, either, but that’s not excuse to fall asleep in the back of class. This will be on the test, you know.

And hey, new Special K cereals aren’t always (entirely) boring. I mean, c’mon, there was that okay chocolate-dipped one last year, the genuinely tasty blueberry lemon yogurt one five years ago, and the cinnamon apple one from…aw, geez. Seven years ago? Fine, I agree: three above average new cereals over the entire tenure of this blog isn’t exactly a storied legacy, but at least the first of this incoming Special K trifecta looks promising. High Protein Chocolate Almond sounds decadent, and since “high protein” usually correlates to “high calorie” in the breakfast aisle, we can at least trust this one to be sweet and filling enough to be worth the effort it takes to chew its densely grained nuttiness. Continue reading

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Birthday Crunch

New Cap'n Crunch Birthday Crunch

Dang, Cap’n: you look good for 60!

Wait, actually, this is probably the first time you’ve actually looked your age, like, ever. You’re telling me you were rocking that same ivory ‘stache from K–12? Must’ve made the chocolate milk cartons a nightmare.

Anyway, everyone’s favorite seafaring cereal mascot will soon be celebrating the 60th anniversary of the original Cap’n Crunch cereal’s 1963 debut with this colorful Birthday Crunch. And even though I infamously loathe birthday cake-flavored cereals, what with their historic lack of substantial taste and all, it’s hard to stay mad at ol’ H. M. Crunch when this box looks like a ’90s Taco Bell.

Since 60 years would suggest a 2023 debut, you won’t be able to find this Crunch on shelves just yet, but it’s already up on Walmart.com, so it’s only a matter of time before you can have the Cap’n’s cake and eat it, too.

Review: Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal

New Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal Review.- Box

Ah, now that Thanksgiving—with all its bountiful feasts, plentiful horns, and wishful bones—is over, it’s time to dive into the holiday season with everyone’s favorite yuletide tradition.

Which one, you ask? Decorating the tree? Crudely icing gingerbread cookies to look like your most cannibalizable loved ones? Or perhaps foisting reindeer antlers on your soon-to-be ho-ho-homicidal cat?

Oh, no, we’re talking about the most treasured, timeless Christmas rite of all: hiding a wretched little uncanny creature around your home who will proverbially invade your privacy with its eerie omnipresence!

Seriously though, does anyone actually like The Elf on the Shelf? I certainly haven’t met anyone who does. I’m convinced the whole thing’s a psyop by The Elf itself, who’s collected enough damning nocturnal footage through its prying (beady, sinister, soulless) eyes to blackmail the global marketing elite into helping its species reproduce.

And reproduce it has. Somehow, 2022’s new North Pole Snow Creme is the fourth EotS cereal to hit shelves (and stay there, unsold). Between the earlier Sugar Cookie one, the Peppermint one, and the Hot Cocoa one, the quality of this Elf’s oeuvre runs the gamut from awful to alright at best, so I’m not going into this new one with high hopes. Let’s just hope that if I give him another bad review, The Elf won’t pour glue in my 2%.

Continue reading

News: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Stuffed Puffs Marshmallows

New Cinnamon Toast Crunch Stuffed Puffs Marshmallows

S’more…s’more never changes…

Well, that is, until now. Stuffed Puffs is a small company looking to shake up the way you snack, toast, and play Chubby Bunny with marshmallows, via their signature process of cramming stuff into the center of the squishy little niblets.

And now via a coveted collab with General Mills, these indie darling ‘mallows are taking mainstream munching by storm. Coming exclusively to Walmart (no word when yet, besides the ambiguous soon), Cinnamon Toast Crunch “Big Bites” stuffed marshmallows are filled with CTC-flavored creme and then further flavor-blasted with Cinnadust.

How do you feel about this upcoming crispy, chewy, creamy confection? Would they be perfect for a Nutella graham s’more, or are they perhaps a bit too niche to get enough use?