Tag Archives: kellogg’s

Review: ICEE Cereal

// Partial Transcript of Oral Research Report 526-23, Regarding Specimen [REDACTED], Recovered from the Desk of Arctic Cereal Researcher Dan. G. — Current Whereabouts Unknown //

I know not what I’ve stumbled upon—only that it is insidious. Unnatural. Decidedly not of this earth.

Discovered in a remote crater, the particulate creature calls itself “ICEE Cereal,” and it appears to be a crude extraterrestrial attempt to mimic one of mankind’s favorite frozen beverages, though it has chosen a far less familiar form. Rather than a liquid, it’s composed of solid spheres. While it seems like the organism tried to make these small round bits solely red and blue, there exist also countless hybrid offspring in manifold hues of purple.

The thing’s ostensibly cardboard shell claims that the spheres are flavored like “Cherry & Blue Raspberry.” Every fiber of my survival instinct tells me it would be unwise to consume such a suspicious “foodstuff.” And yet, as soon as my eyes fell upon the rapturously radical (and dare I say, totally tubular), shade & sweatered anthropomorphic Polar Bear on this ICEE Cereal, I was powerless to resist its allure. Perhaps this is some new form of visual memetic virus? If so, I can only pray this ICEE Cereal kills me before such a maliciously compelling mascot can be allowed to reach civilization.

So to my ancestors and descendants alike I say: please, forgive me for what I am about to crunch and/or munch. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: kellogg's. 13 Comments

Dec. ’22

News: 3 New Special K Flavors, Coming this January

Wow, three whole Special K flavors? Hitting stores this January? What a tr—hey, you: wake up! I get it, new Special K news doesn’t exactly wow me, either, but that’s not excuse to fall asleep in the back of class. This will be on the test, you know.

And hey, new Special K cereals aren’t always (entirely) boring. I mean, c’mon, there was that okay chocolate-dipped one last year, the genuinely tasty blueberry lemon yogurt one five years ago, and the cinnamon apple one from…aw, geez. Seven years ago? Fine, I agree: three above average new cereals over the entire tenure of this blog isn’t exactly a storied legacy, but at least the first of this incoming Special K trifecta looks promising. High Protein Chocolate Almond sounds decadent, and since “high protein” usually correlates to “high calorie” in the breakfast aisle, we can at least trust this one to be sweet and filling enough to be worth the effort it takes to chew its densely grained nuttiness. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: almond, chocolate, cinnamon, froot loops, kellogg's, news, special k. 1 Comment

Nov. ’22

Review: Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal

Ah, now that Thanksgiving—with all its bountiful feasts, plentiful horns, and wishful bones—is over, it’s time to dive into the holiday season with everyone’s favorite yuletide tradition.

Which one, you ask? Decorating the tree? Crudely icing gingerbread cookies to look like your most cannibalizable loved ones? Or perhaps foisting reindeer antlers on your soon-to-be ho-ho-homicidal cat?

Oh, no, we’re talking about the most treasured, timeless Christmas rite of all: hiding a wretched little uncanny creature around your home who will proverbially invade your privacy with its eerie omnipresence!

Seriously though, does anyone actually like The Elf on the Shelf? I certainly haven’t met anyone who does. I’m convinced the whole thing’s a psyop by The Elf itself, who’s collected enough damning nocturnal footage through its prying (beady, sinister, soulless) eyes to blackmail the global marketing elite into helping its species reproduce.

And reproduce it has. Somehow, 2022’s new North Pole Snow Creme is the fourth EotS cereal to hit shelves (and stay there, unsold). Between the earlier Sugar Cookie one, the Peppermint one, and the Hot Cocoa one, the quality of this Elf’s oeuvre runs the gamut from awful to alright at best, so I’m not going into this new one with high hopes. Let’s just hope that if I give him another bad review, The Elf won’t pour glue in my 2%.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: holiday, kellogg's. 1 Comment

Nov. ’22

Review: Avatar x Kellogg’s Pandora Frosted Flakes

Wow, I can’t believe we’re finally getting a cereal flavored like my favorite regional Midwest ice cre—wait, what? You’re telling me the “Blue Moons” in these ~~Frosted~~ Pandora Flakes have nothing to do with the sorcerously ambiguous berry-marshmallow nectar of my youth?

Yeugh. Well fine, I’ll still give this Avatar: The Way of Water / Kellogg’s collab the time of day (2:05p.m. EST, to be specific), but only because I love this new trend of letting Tony the Tiger flex his cinematic bravado instead of putting any actual movie characters on the box. You can just tell he’s begging to be roped into somebody’s movie multiverse.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: blueberry, kellogg's, movie cereals. 3 Comments

Oct. ’22

Review: Kellogg’s Little Debbie Nutty Buddy Cereal

You ever try to turn a great idea you’ve had into a real drawing, only for it to fall flat? Or maybe you’ve tried telling someone about a vivid dream, only for the magic to get lost in translation? Or heck, maybe you’ve simply seen any live-action adaptation of an animated series?

What I’m saying is, that’s basically how I feel about cerealized versions of existing desserts. Given the breakfast medium’s inherent constraints on acceptable delectability (though some really push the limits), we’re just never going to get a cereal that’s as dense, fudgy, ooey nor gooey as its namesake cake, pie, or cookie. And I think people understand that, but it’s nevertheless a little disappointing when something like Kellogg’s Cosmic Brownies Cereal comes out, and it tastes nothing like the raw euphoric indulgence we’ve come to expect from Deb the Dextrose Temptress.

On the other hand, sometimes you get the likes of Kellogg’s Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal, and while it may still be a far cry from the real thing, the cereal at least takes its own creative spin on the source material and manages to be pleasant enough in its own right.

So with Kellogg’s third attempt at breakfastifying a classic convenience store snarf-em-up, it’s hard to know what to expect from Nutty Buddy Cereal. Guess I’ll have to just shut up, nut up, and fess up. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: chocolate, kellogg's, peanut butter. 9 Comments

Aug. ’22

News: Kellogg’s Insta-Bowls

Finally, I can leave my hip flask of 2% at home and enjoy cereal & milk on the go, with just a little H2O!

For the better part of the 2010s, a struggling cereal industry seemed convinced that the source of their woes were highly mobile professionals who didn’t have time to sit down and enjoy a meticulously milked bowl of crunchy stuff—so they tried everything from cereal shakes to pouched snacking cereals in an attempt to keep cereal top of mind and stomach alike.

That kind of failed, to be honest, and now that working from home is much more common, on-the-go cereal innovation seems to have stalled, with most companies pivoting toward the idea of cereal as a nostalgic anytime indulgence. But that apparently hasn’t stopped Kellogg’s from attempting one more alchemical metamorphosis to make breakfast a malleably mobile meal.

Introducing Kellogg’s Insta-Bowls: debuting in Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks, Froot Loops, and Raisin Bran Crunch varieties, these little cups contain both cereal and powdered milk, so all you have to do is add water, stir, and you’ll theoretically have a complete bowl of cereal with milk—without having to leave a half gallon of milk in your hot car with the window cracked and its favorite tunes playing.

Will these Insta-Bowls be good? It’s too soon to tell, but I’ll be interested to give them a shot. It’s just a shame these don’t come with little telescoping utensils, too, so while an Insta-Bowl is more convenient, I’ll still have to keep a secret spoon sheathed in my belt loop like Napoleon Dynamite’s thrifted sai.

Special thanks to reader Laura for tipping me off about these!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kellogg's. 3 Comments

Jul. ’22

News: Another Cereal News Round-Up!

Just as the world keeps spinning, the new cereal world keeps on spooning—whether or not I’m able to keep up with it! Here’s a quick look at the big headlines that’ve cropped up (get it, because…grains?) these past couple weeks.

First up we have the obvious headliner above. For awhile, I’ve wondered whether Little Debbie and Kellogg’s would expand their line of snack cake-inspired cereals that started with Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal and Cosmic Brownies Cereal—and if so, which of Deb’s iconic processed goodies would get the spotlight next.

Now, thanks to @steelbookobsessed on Instagram, we have the likely answer. While it’s still in the unconfirmed sampling phase, Nutty Buddy Cereal seems like a smart choice, and hopefully one that will evolve the shallow cocoa powdery taste of the Cosmic Brownies Cereal. Yes, CBC was pretty mediocre and sparsely flavored, while OCP was an agreeable, heavily powdered cinna–molasses affair, so there’s no telling where Nutty Buddy may land on that continuum.

One thing’s for sure, though: the pieces look like (fittingly dairy-ready) Milk Bones. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kellogg's, news, pebbles, trix. 3 Comments

Jul. ’22

News: Apple Jacks Nickelodeon Green Slime Cereal

What could be more patriotic than saluting a bowl of emerald ooze? Grilling a T(urquoise)-bone steak with seafoaming juices? Squelching the last chartreuse dregs of Shrek-edition Heinz EZ Squirt on a peridot dog? However you celebrate, I hope your Independence Day doesn’t end without a heartily viscous display of slime, sludge, or otherwise slurry.

Sorry if all my imagery is making you green around the gills: I’m simply so excited that Kellogg’s and Nickelodeon are teaming up for a green slime edition of Apple Jacks. Bafflingly, this isn’t even the first Nickelodeon Slime Cereal to ever exist. General Mills did one too back in the early 2000s—back when Nickelodeon’s cultural impact was far more pervasive, and the threat of getting serendipitously slimed whilst going about one’s daily business was a serious one indeed.

Aside from the obvious benefit of turning your milk green, these upcoming Apple Jacks also come in a bold “Green Apple Flavor.” This may sound strange, since it’s already called Apple Jacks, but for many years Apple Jacks didn’t even contain apple ingredients and was merely a cinnamon cereal. Recent reformulations have amended this, but I think most can admit that when eating AJ, it’s usually cinnamon that leads the palate-pleasing charge. So I’m excited to taste what an ardently sour apple’d edition of Apple Jacks like this Nickelodeon Slime one will taste like.

If there’s any good left in this world, I will be left both puckered and giddily repulsed by the slimy, limey (at least in color) spectacle before me.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: apple jacks, kellogg's, news. 6 Comments