That’s a bold claim, Cocoa Puffs.
I mean, you could’ve just said “now with more chocolatey taste!” or called the cereal “SUPER Cocoa Puffs,” but you chose to drop some hard stats on us. Exactly 50% more cocoa, eh? Alright, if you say so: I better go 50% more cuckoo for these.
And trust me, I have a pretty refined Cocoa Puffs palate. Cocoa Puffs is one of the first cereals I can remember eating as a young’n. Back in my early grade school days, I ate a bowl every single morning until I got sick of ’em. One day, in fact, I tried a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with chocolate milk instead of regular milk and got quite literally sick, diagnosed with a condition that doctors could classify only as “Chocolardiac Arrest.”
But what didn’t kill me only made me stronger, and now my taste buds are braced and ready to be blown away by a choco-bombshell. Are you ready, Cocoa Puffs?
I was expecting cereal pieces bursting with dusty cocoa powder, but no dice: just plain ol’ Puffs. I popped one in my mouth, and—holy cocoa-moley, this might be the best dry cereal ever!
I’m traditionally a cereal and milk purist, so it takes a lot for a dry cereal to impress me. For lack of a better description, these addicting Cocoa Puffs taste exactly like a hypothetical bag of Chocolate Doritos. That may sound gross, but it works here: a base of crispy, crunchy corn and an intense dusting of dark cocoa that’s just as savory as it is sweet.
Several handfuls of dry Cocoa Puffs disappeared before I even noticed. I wouldn’t say they taste precisely 50% more chocolatey, but the cocoa experience is much more authentic and rich than the hyper milky, sugary, and artificial Cocoa Puffs of my youth. There’s a brooding chocolate darkness that pleasantly infects every piece.
Eating them with milk is a little more ho-hum. Pouring on milk all but vaporizes the chocolate frosting from each Cocoa Puff, leaving behind corny husks that cough up only faint ghosts of the salty-sweet chocolate that once was. They also get mushy far faster than most cereals, reaching full soggification at a rate of approximately 60 soggies per second.
What, they didn’t teach you how to measure soggies in high school physics class? This is why we need the metric system.
The endmilk leaves a bit to be desired, too. While it’s certainly decadent and Nesquik-esque, it lacks the maple syrupy viscosity of the old school Cocoa Puff endmilk that once gave me pleasant sugar-induced hallucinations of Sonny the Cuckoo doing the tango with Montezuma.
But that hardly matters, because these amped-up Cocoa Puffs are my dry cereal of the decade. They even narrowly beat out Reese’s Puffs, mostly because of Reese’s clingy peanut butter powder detritus. I’ve been a bit apprehensive about General Mills’ choice to remove artificial colors and ingredients from all their cereals, but it works stupendously here, probably because they added 50% more natural ingredients to make up for it.
I’m not much of a sports fan (I know: big surprise from the guy who references Pokémon all day), but Cocoa Puffs With 50% More Real Cocoa is exactly the kind of cereal I’d eat out of an oversized, baseball hat-shaped bowl while kicked back in a La-Z-Boy during the latest Sportsball Match.
Count Chocula, take note: this is how you do chocolate and corn right.
The Bowl: Cocoa Puffs (Now With 50% More Real Cocoa)
The Breakdown: Despite a “meh” milk game, these revamped Cocoa Puffs hit the corn ball out of the park with an impressive dry chocolate tortilla chip taste.
The Bottom Line: 9 perfectly calibrated sogg-o-meters out of 10
(Quick Nutrition Facts: 100 calories, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein per 3/4 cup serving)