Tag Archives: 2 rating

Review: New and Improved Alpha-Bits Cereal

Post New and Improved Alpha-Bits Cereal Box Review

The year is 20xx. Innovation is dead. No new cereals are ever released. Instead, every old brand keeps releasing “New and Improved” versions that buff their old selves with unnecessary flavor and cosmetic improvements.

Froot Loops now contains “100% more Froot Jooce” and comes in colors only visible to the hyper-photoreceptive mantis shrimp. Waffle Crisp is now just a box full of freeze-dried Belgian waffles—and the bag is made of intelligent, gelatinous maple syrup that can gain sentience when stored in certain climates. Cinnamon Toast Crunch just contains packets of wheat seeds, yeast, and cinnamon, with instructions for growing, harvesting, and baking your own miniature cinnamon toast.

As for Alpha-Bits? They now contain the letters of every alphabet, from English and Cyrillic to Egyptian hieroglyphics, Klingon, and whatever language the Bionicles spoke. Some also say that spiking a drop of blood into your morning bowl of Alpha-Bits will make them reveal the universe’s existential secrets.

But most agree that’s just ridiculous.

This revamped cereal revolution all started in 2017, as Cocoa Puffs, Krave, Honeycomb, and yes, Alpha-Bits, made a big hullaballoo about self-improvement. As a designated cereal emissary of the year 2017, I’m here to tell you whether Alpha-Bits actually followed through on their “new year, new me” promise, or if they’re just “new meh.” Continue reading

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Review: Quaker Real Medleys Steel Cut Apple Pear Pecan Flavor Oatmeal

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As the days get shorter, the names of all the Quaker oatmeal products out there keep getting longer. And while I may be about a month late on the “autumnal apple cinnamon” trend, I thought I’d toss out another oatmeal review for all of you out there who want to snuggle up by the fire with a warm bowl of mushy ‘meal.

So allow me to introduce the possibly new (who really knows when these things are new anymore? I think there are more Quaker oatmeal varieties than there are actual Quakers) Quaker Real Medleys Steel Cut Apple Pear Pecan Flavor Oatmeal!

Hey, these are steel cut! And steely is a synonym for cold-blooded! You know what else is cold?

Snow!

There’s the obvious winter connection. Phew, now I’m off the hook for being so late.

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Review: Froot Loops Letters Fruit Snacks

IMG_3654Kellogg’s has some big, squishy shoes to fill.

By putting the Froot Loops name on a new fruit snacks product, as well as the friendly visage of Toucan Sam himself, Kellogg’s better be ready for comparisons to be drawn between the snacks and Froot Loops cereal itself (after all, that’s the only reason we’re featuring these!).

Even more important, though, is that Froot Loops Letters are also going to be compared to Kellogg’s other fruit snacks. Oh yeah, you know which ones I mean. Continue reading

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