Author Archives: dan g.

News: Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Coming in 2017!

Kellogg's Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal Box

(Image via Kellogg’s and FoodBusinessNews)

(Update: Cinnamon Frosted Flakes are in limited early release in Walmart, Meijer, and potentially other stores. We reviewed them here!)

Cinnamon Toast Crunch may be good, but can it see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Frosted Flakes?

No? Well I can’t see it either, because the only known photo of Kellogg’s upcoming Cinnamon Frosted Flakes—set to debut in 2017—is more pixellated than a game of Super Mario Bros. played on a Walmart security camera.

The picture’s blurriness made think it had marshmallows in it at first, but upon closer inspection, they are just incredibly aggressive splashes of milk. But I can’t blame the milk: wouldn’t you get a little jumpy too if a kaiju-sized Tony the Tiger was staring you down with the deranged hunger of Godzilla on Thanksgiving Day?

After Candy Hunting found yesterday’s Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Latte and Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts, I followed her investigative lead to an apparent Kellogg’s press release preview. It details a number of 2017 Kellogg’s products, including Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, Kashi Chewy Nut Butter Bars, and Eggo Waffles without artificial ingredients.

After Eggo’s recent Stranger Things smash success, Kellogg’s should brand this new natural product as “Made without Strange Things.”

(Image via Kellogg’s and FoodBusinessNews)

Oh, and there’s a new Special K Nourish Granola with Quinoa coming in 2017, too.In my opinion, this granola doesn’t have nearly enough terrifying, King Kong-esque felines on its packaging.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: frosted flakes, kelloggs, special k. 6 Comments

Nov. ’16

Coming Soon in 2017: Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts & Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts

Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts and Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts Boxes

(Image via Kellogg’s and FoodBusinessNews)

(UPDATE: We reviewed Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts! We also reviewed Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts!)

Move over, Pumpkin Spice Latte: there’re two new coffee-flavored treats coming in 2017…and neither of them are in beverage form.

Kellogg’s—continuing their apparent quest to turn every liquid imaginable into a frosted rectangular sugar pocket filled with dough and goo—is set to debut two new toaster pastry varieties based on Dunkin’ Donuts drinks: Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts and Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts. As you probably expected, the amazingly resourceful Candy Hunting broke the news, and I’m just here spreading the word like the more-crushed Pop-Tart in a foil-wrapped package of two. Seriously, go follow Candy Hunting and send her regards that are warmer than a Starbucks coffee.

Above is the only known photo of the elusive Tarts, and it’s unfortunately smaller than a Pop-Tarts Go-Tart. Because of this pixelation, it’s hard to hypothesize much about these Pop-Tarts—we can’t even tell if their graininess is whole grain! Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts appear to have a cinnamon or almond-esque frosting (though it’s likely just darker vanilla) and what I can only hope is a steamed milk swirl (though it’s likely just vanilla cream, or worse: plain sugar). Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts, meanwhile, have a very frothy coating over a decadently dark brown base. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect dark chocolate, espresso, or dark roast coffee flavors—let alone a twinge of bittersweetness—but I will say that would make for the sexiest Pop-Tart ever.

I’m talking, “a candlelit pasta dinner cooked just for me and this Pop-Tart” levels of Pop-Tart romanticism.

Most importantly, we don’t whether these Dunkin’ Donuts Pop-Tarts are actually caffeinated, but I guess with all that sugar, getting any more energy from a Pop-Tart might leave my hands too shaky to hold a spaghetti-filled fork. Either way, I plan to do with these new Pop-Tarts the same thing I do with every coffee beverage: make it really hot and consume it so fast that I burn my tongue and regret all of my life choices.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kelloggs, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

Oct. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Disney Moana Cereal with Island Marshmallows

As I get older, I keep up with Disney news less and less: I’ve always preferred Chuck E. Cheese to Mickey when it comes to anthropomorphized rodents, anyway. That’s why before this review, I still had no idea what the upcoming Moana is going to be about. But thanks to a close friend of mine named Wick E. Pedia, I know the film’s about a Polynesian warrior princess who embarks on a nautical journey with the demigod Maui—played by none other than Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

Well, I guess that explains the boulder-sized, tattooed dude on the back of Kellogg’s new Moana Cereal box:

Let’s look inside!

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, movie cereals. 4 Comments

Oct. ’16

Re-Review: Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s Cereal (2016)

As the “days until Halloween” counter drips lower than fake blood from a vampire Basset Hound’s mouth, I think I still have enough spice in my own blood to crank out one more pumpkin cereal review. Besides my annual Monster Cereal analyses, I usually don’t like to re-review the same product multiple years in a row. But like parents whose troubled child keeps getting sent to the principal’s office for doodling giant kaiju lobsters instead of focusing*, we need to talk about Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s.

*I decline to comment on whether this comes from my own personal experience with crustacean artistry.

See, I reviewed Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s last year and quite liked them—I gave them a 7/10 for their authentic pumpkin flavor and brown sugar finish. But as I dug into my box this year, prepared for another raucous round of good ol’ fashioned barnyard vegetable fun, I was left with the pained frown of a toddler being forced to eat his own barnyard vegetables.

I don’t know if Trader Joe’s actually changed their Pumpkin O’s recipe or if my taste buds have just undergone a Wolfman-esque transformation in the past year, but I’ve got Bill Murray on speed dial anyway, because there’s definitely something strange in this cereal neighborhood. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, pumpkin, trader joe's. 6 Comments

Oct. ’16

Review: Boo Berry Monster Cereal (2016)

There’s only a week left until Halloween, but while everybody else in the world is taping fake cobwebs to their walls and putting the finishing touches on their Pokémon Go-inspired “Sexy Pikachu” costumes, I’m sitting here gazing at a bowl of Boo Berry cereal.

More specifically, I’m wondering why there’s never been a movie tie-in between Boo Berry and Ghostbusters. With this summer’s Ghostbusters reboot now merely a bargain DVD bin memory, General Mills missed their chance to throw noxiously green Slimer marshmallows into every bowl of crunchy blue Boo Berry ghosts. The endmilk would’ve turned roughly the shade of the Jersey Shore’s seafoam, and it would’ve been glorious.

But I’ll have to make do with just Boo. Even without nauseatingly aquamarine dairy, Boo Berry still puts on a heck of a breakfast show. Of General Mills’s 3 big Monster Cereals, Boo Berry arguably has the most devoted cult following. He’s the Rocky Horror of Halloween breakfast options, so for the 2nd year in a row, let’s find out why damn it, Janet, everyone loves Boo.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, boo berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 4 Comments

Oct. ’16

Spooned & Spotted: Kellogg’s Disney Moana Cereal

(Image via Target & Kellogg’s)

I know nothing about Disney’s upcoming Moana movie, but Kellogg’s latest cereal tie-in with the film still sends my imagination spinning.

What if Kellogg’s played off the movie’s island setting and made this cereal’s crunchy swirls coconut-flavored? What if the orange sun marshmallows taste like mangoes? And what if there’s a mail away offer on the back of the box that let’s you exchange 10 UPC labels + shipping and handling for your very own pet pig?

Deep down, I know none of this is true. Moana Cereal’s hypnotic snail shell pieces are probably just Kellogg’s Cinnabon pieces stripped of all cinnamon heat and dressed up with a sugary syrup glaze. The marshmallows are probably just, you know, marshmallow-flavored. And the real exchange rate of UPC labels to baby pigs is probably way more than 10:1.

I’ll at least give Kellogg’s props for marshmallow innovation here. Instead of including the same white orbs they’re famous for and repackaging them as “whirlpools and sugary seafoam,” there are lovingly crafted, dual color palm trees. I’m still not sure what the blue star marbits are supposed to represent, though.

Probably the 5-star reviews that every critic will give Moana.

This photo was found by yours truly, with help from tipster Gabe Fonseca, on Target’s website after seeing a photo of Europe’s Moana Cereal variant, which, of course, doesn’t have marshmallows. While it hasn’t been spotted in the wild yet, Target’s site says it’s in stock at my local store.

I’ll hop on my trusty travel pig and get back to you.

If you’d like to see your own picture or thoughts featured on Cerealously’s next “Spooned & Spotted” post, all you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: kelloggs, movie cereals. 1 Comment

Oct. ’16

Classic Review: Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch

I love you, Cap’n Crunch, so I’m willing to forgive you for omitting the “ugh” from the name of your Sprinkled Donut Crunch cereal.

See, I’m a doughnut purist. Whether it’s the word’s languid length or its simple, old-world charm, “doughnut” just pleases my eyeballs more than the comparatively blunt “donut” ever could. And for all those about to tell me, “Get with the times, grandpa: writing donut is way faster,” please tell me how much time you’ve actually saved by not typing those three lovely letters. If it’s less than 5 cumulative minutes over your entire lifetime, I’m sticking with my “ugh.”

So even though I’m a little upset, after tasting Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch, I realize the real reason there’s no “ugh” in its name: because I never let out a single exasperated “ugh” the entire time I was eating it. This cereal is darn good, and even though it was released shortly before Cerealously debuted, I’m going to make up for lost time by digging into a dozen baker’s dozens-worth of crunchy rainbow loops. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cap'n crunch, quaker. 13 Comments

Oct. ’16

Gimme Five…New Episodes of Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca!

Oreo cookies! Skeletons! Mikey! Cartoon slime! The hippest sea captain you’ve ever seen!

Hopefully that grabbed your attention. It’s been a while since we last checked in with our friend Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series—which spotlights a different cereal each week in a fun and nostalgic way. Decades from now, Breakfast History 101 professors will screen Gabe’s episodes as insightful windows into the cereal culture of days gone by.

Even in the twinkling, chrome future, the teachers will probably still show them on those ancient rolling TV carts, too.

To bring you up to speed on Gabe’s Cereal Time efforts, we’re going to have a viewing party for his five latest episodes. So let’s all build a blanket fort, pop some popcorn, and get cozy, because we’ve got years of memories to relive.

You did remember to bring the powdered nacho cheese topping for the popcorn, right? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cap'n crunch, cereal time, halloween, kelloggs, monster cereals, quaker. Leave a comment