Author Archives: dan g.

Review: Peace Cereal Maple Pecan Granola

Peace Cereal Maple Pecan Granola Box

Pumpkin dominates fall. Gingerbread and peppermint have a stranglehold on winter, while sugar cookie and eggnog watch on with buttered jealousy. Carrot cake has carved out a weird spring niche. Strawberry, s’mores, and good ol’ American apple pie vie for summer dominance.

So many flavors have seasonal attachments. But where does maple belong? Maple has long been a jack of all seasons, a flavor that we take for granted since it’s always available in glass bottles, plastic grandmother figures, and those charming metal carafes they supply at Denny’s.

But I think maple deserves its own season. You know what, “deserves” isn’t strong enough: maple has worked hard for our waffles and taste buds, so it demands a time of the year to call its own. Early September is a good time to start, because it’s just too early for most people to go off the pumpkin deep end, and it’s slightly too late to use those overripe strawberries in a shortcake. Some might argue that March is a better time, since that’s maple syrup harvesting season, but this review needed a creative introduction, so give me a break.

Here’s to you, maple. Let’s celebrate with Peace Cereal’s Maple Pecan Granola, which contains none other than real maple syrup. Continue reading

Election Fever: General Mills’ 2016 Monster Cereals!

(Update: My annual review of Count Chocula for 2016 is here!)

It’s September, which means I can finally start using the term “Halloweeny” in public without sounding like I’m talking about a cheddar hot dog that tragically came without any cheese filling. Though trust me: I will be making a lot of those crescent roll mummy Halloweiners.

So what better way to kick off the boo-na fide Halloween season than with everyone’s favorite spooky trilogy? No, I don’t mean a marathon session of all three I Know What You Did Last Summer movies: I’m talking about Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry cereals!

While these monster cereals have already been spotted in stores like Target, Big Lots, and Walgreens, I want to thank General Mills for generously sending me the spooker care package you see above, which contained the cereals themselves and so, so much more. I know what you’re thinking, and I agree. Couldn’t they have thought of more creative sequel names than I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer?

But enough about murderous fishermen. Let’s start researching for an I Know What You Ate Last Autumn screenplay instead. Continue reading

Review: Quaker Banana Bonanza Oatmeal and Blueberry Bash Oatmeal

Quaker's New Banana Bonanza Oatmeal and Blueberry Bash Oatmeal Cups

Quick: pretend you’re in 4th grade and it’s lunch time. You sit down at an uncomfortable wooden table, and tear open your hyper-crinkly brown bag while you wait for your friends to come back from the hot lunch line with their spicy chicken sandwiches and Bosco breadsticks.

You’re more than a little jealous of them, but you know Mom had to have packed you something good. So what’s the main course? Ham and cheese on rye? Leftover chow mein from China Kingdom down the road?

Both guesses are wrong. In an attempt to get you eating healthy, Mom packed Quaker’s newest instant oatmeal cup flavors: Banana Bonanza and Blueberry Bash.

But are these oatmeal cones worth trudging over to the school’s vintage, pizza sauce-stained microwave for? Or should you trade them like edible Pokémon cards and try to game Billy out of his Ziploc full of Oreos?

Those are the existential questions I hope to answer.

Continue reading

Review: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain Bars

Kellogg's Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain Bars Box

I’ve never once eaten a Nutri-Grain bar for breakfast. So why is my breakfast blog reviewing these new Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain bars?

Well first, the box does call them “breakfast bars.” And second, they’re listed as “Limited Batch,” which is a much cuter, more exclusive, and more alluring term than “Limited Edition.” But most of all, Nutri-Grain bars hold a special, nostalgic place in my heart.

Seriously: whenever I have one of these miniature, flaky fruit burritos, I’m transported back to elementary school snack time. Even if I just smell a Nutri-Grain bar, my brain instinctively imagines the subtle odor of Crayola crayons in the background.

(Kindergarten me didn’t mess around with RoseArt.)

So because of my wistful relationship with Nutri-Grain “breakfast” bars, I’ve long wanted to review them on this site. And what better way to start than with Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain bars, which are brand new for 2016?

I hope somebody brought the orange crayons. Continue reading

Review: Nature Valley Granola Crunch – Cinnamon & Maple Brown Sugar

Nature Valley Granola Crunch Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar Bags

Chunks of rock are underrated. Whether you’re gazing at geodes in a museum, winning a piece of the Aggro Crag on Nickelodeon GUTS, or simply throwing things in the quarry with Creed from The Office, chunks of rock are versatile and fun.

And edible chunks of rock are delicious, too. Fruity Pebbles, rock candy, chocolate-covered rocks, and Rocky Road ice cream? All of the above, please! The latest snack to join this honorable lineage of gravel is Nature Valley’s Granola Crunch. These green satchels come in Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar, and they promise to contain 21 Nature Valley Granola Bars-worth of flavor-packed oat rectangles that fell apart on the granola bar assembly line lovingly crafted oat bites.

I’ve recently had a personal granola rebirth, so I’m excited to bathe in the warm-baked glory of these craggy crumbs. Continue reading

Meet the Illustrator Behind Cap’n Crunch!

Cap'n Crunch's Artist Header

Yep, you read that title right. Recently, Cap’n Crunch’s box art game has been very on point—and I’m not just talking about the boxes that involve Cap’n Crunch playing actual sports games.

From HomeRun Crunch and Touchdown Crunch to Orange Creampop Crunch and super close-up revamps of classic boxes, the white-haired Cap’n has been looking more spry and animated in 2016 than ever before.

Cap'n Crunch Contest Box Art

Better yet, the backs of these boxes feature more than just the ever-lively cereal ship captain we know and love. Alongside games, puzzles,  a bustling zoo of caricatured animals, and at least one Statue of Liberty, recent Cap’n Crunch boxes have featured countless revivals of vintage Quaker mascots.

cap'n-crunch-touchdown-crunch-back-of-box

From Crunch mainstays like Jean LaFoote to obscure, decades-old villains like Magnolia Bulkhead, these 2016 boxes have something for cereal lovers from the ’60s, ’80s, and every where (or should I say every when) in-between.

As a serious cereal fan myself, I wasn’t content with just looking at these awesome new boxes. I wanted to find out what was behind this recent Crunchatized revitalization, especially after boxes of Peanut Butter Crunch have featured that same Olympics scene since the 2008 Beijing Games.

Before long, I found out who was behind this shift, too. Continue reading

Review: Limited Edition Cap’n Crunch’s Touchdown Crunch Cereal

Cap'n Crunch's Touchdown Crunch Cereal Box

All brands celebrate football season differently. M&M’s slaps eye grease and jerseys on their famous spokescandies. Pepsi erects giant cyborg quarterbacks made out of cardboard and 12-packs for grocery store displays. But Cap’n Crunch? He releases an entire football themed cereal!

It’s called Cap’n Crunch’s Touchdown Crunch cereal, and it was first introduced in 2009. However, there’s one key difference between today’s Touchdown Crunch and the one from 7 years ago. If you cross-compare the boxes, you’ll see that Cap’n Crunch got buff!

Since the Cap’n is a 53-year old cereal mascot, I can’t see why he suddenly reformed his fitness plan. Maybe it was to silence all those high school bullies who made fun of his gravity-defying eyebrows.

Or maybe it was just to impress attractive mermaids. Continue reading

Review: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch

Limited Edition Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch Cereal Box

Well, you know what this means, folks. Now that I’ve reviewed Pumpkin Spice Cheerios and Pumpkin Spice Life, once I review this Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch, I’ll have tried every new pumpkin spice cereal, and 2016’s pumpkin spice season will be over.

Harvesters will cease harvesting. Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte taps will run dry. And maniacally grinning jack-o-lanterns will become mild mannered office workers once more.

Nah, I’m just kidding. We all know there’ll be a million new pumpkin spice breakfast bars, Greek yogurts, and Greek yogurt-filled breakfast bars on shelves before I even click the “Publish” button on this post.

But while we wait for that Nutri-Grain Bar Nutri-nitty-gritty to befall us, let’s fall into a bowl of pumpkin spice Special K instead. Continue reading