Peanuts and almonds have an oligopoly over the nut butter market.
There, I said it. If Vladimir Nutin and his secret legume agents take me down, you’ll find my full manifesto buried 50 paces east of the old Siberian walnut factory.
All I’m saying is that, while peanut and almond butter is good and all, I think other nut butters deserve their moment in the sunflower oil-emulsified sun.
Cashew butter is delightful. Pecan butter is an underrated gem. And wingnut butter contains so much iron!
Yet General Mills and Nature Valley chose to use peanut butter and almond butter to flavor their newest pouches of granola. I’ll forgive them for now because they used honey in their almond butter granola, but if I’m martyred for this expository review, I’ll be leaving a scathing eulogy.
Oh well, might as well munch while I wait for my door to be punched down. Continue reading →
Ready your spoons, steady your milk-pouring hands, and put those Teddy Grahams aside, because last year’s best U.S. granola is coming to Canada.
See, as part of their 2016 new product blitz, Nature Valley introduced Granola Crunch to the United States. The stuff comes in Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar flavors and it tastes like syrup-slathered Teddy Graham gravel and I love it and it didn’t get nearly as much recognition as it deserves and it makes me use too many conjunctions and did I mention I love it?
And now thanks to our Instagram friend Nicole, we know this delightful line is migrating northward to enchant even more taste buds. The name is different—and Crunchy Bar Granola sounds way cooler than Granola Crunch—but for all intents and purposes, the stuff looks the same: crumbly chunks of real Nature Valley granola bars in vastly varying sizes.
What’s different is the flavors. Cinnamon has been granted dual citizenship, but for some reason Maple Brown Sugar didn’t make it into maple leaf country. I’m a Michigander who lives near the Canadian border who also loves this stuff, so the only logical explanation is that I unknowingly seized all the Maple Brown Sugar Granola Crunch in my sleep.
It sure explains the crumbs on my pillow.
Instead of Maple Brown Sugar, Canada gets an Oats & Honey Crunchy Bar Granola, which, though a little redundant, sounds delightful. If it doesn’t taste exactly like compact nuggets of Honey Nut Cheerios and mashed-up Oatmeal Creme Pies, I’ll be sorely disappointed in Nature Valley—I’ve come to expect a lot from them.
Here’s hoping Oats & Honey will find its way southward to American shelves, and vice-versa for Maple Brown Sugar. And hopefully they’ll sell well enough to inspire a peanut butter flavor.
*hint hint, Nature Valley*
Thanks again to Nicole for the photo. Do you have a cool cereal photo to share? Feel free to pass it along on our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.
Hold it right there, 2016: you may be a largely hated year, but I’m not letting you leave just yet.
No year is complete without a year in review list. And while many people prefer to detail the most buzz-worthy news stories, the “earwormiest” chart-toppers, or the funniest videos featuring frisky and/or fiendish felines, I’m just going to tell you what I believe were the 5 best new cereals this year. So if you have time between your New Year’s cheers to read about pink Cheerios, this list is for you.
While taste is definitely a defining factor in my rankings, keep in mind that innovation, packaging, and nostalgic whimsy will all be taken into account, too. 2015’s winner, JIF PB&J Cereal, swept the vote based on elementary school lunchtime memories alone—even though it did taste pretty darn good, too.
So without further ado, let’s count down as the ball—or should I say bowl—drops. Continue reading →
Chunks of rock are underrated. Whether you’re gazing at geodes in a museum, winning a piece of the Aggro Crag on Nickelodeon GUTS, or simply throwing things in the quarry with Creed from The Office, chunks of rock are versatile and fun.
And edible chunks of rock are delicious, too. Fruity Pebbles, rock candy, chocolate-covered rocks, and Rocky Road ice cream? All of the above, please! The latest snack to join this honorable lineage of gravel is Nature Valley’s Granola Crunch. These green satchels come in Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar, and they promise to contain 21 Nature Valley Granola Bars-worth of flavor-packed oat rectangles that fell apart on the granola bar assembly line lovingly crafted oat bites.
I’ve recently had a personal granola rebirth, so I’m excited to bathe in the warm-baked glory of these craggy crumbs. Continue reading →
If you haven’t heard, I’m now a born-again granola evangelist.
See, I once doubted that granola was right for me. It felt wrong to munch on sticky Aggro Crag chunks of oats and healthy protein while I sat criss-cross applesauce in front of a Nickelodeon Guts marathon. But then a wise granola sensei taught me that “it’s not about the nutrition destination: it’s about the cinnamon syrup-coated journey.”
Or maybe I just read that on the back of an ’80s Southern Comfort Cookbook in the 10-for-$1 bin at a Salvation Army. I can’t quite remember.
Regardless, I’m ready to start seeing other granolas again. And thankfully, Nature Valley has just pushed out these new Granola Crunch pouches. Each satchel comes in either Maple Brown Sugar or Cinnamon and promises to contain the equivalent of 21 Nature Valley granola bars.
Anyone who’s ever sat on a Nature Valley granola bar, left a Nature Valley granola bar in their pocket, or even looked at a Nature Valley granola bar for more than 5 seconds knows that those things love to explode into avalanches of microscopic crumbs, so I don’t doubt Nature Valley’s claim. They probably just stuffed 21 bars into each bag and said some rude words about them behind their back.
Poor Nature Valley granola bars: too fragile for this world.
Oh, and here’s a bonus Spooned & Spotted for those of you who tragically don’t follow Cerealously on Instagram. Chex cereals are starting to roll out new box designs, and these ones are way more aesthetically pleasing. Posting this photo of those geometrically crisp pieces probably just made my high school geometry teacher cheer out loud without even knowing why.
I spotted both all of these products at Kroger, but if you’ve seen or tasted something awesome, you can send your picture or thoughts and have them featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post. All you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
Please, oh please, Nature Valley Chocolate Oat Bites: you have to be better than Attack of the Clones.
Let me explain what I mean by this. I recently came to the conclusion that my experience with General Mills’ new 2016 line of Nature Valley cereals closely parallels my experience watching the Star Wars films.
Nature Valley’s “original trilogy” provided an exciting plot arc. First, Chocolate Oat Clusters brought an innovative breath of fresh air to the breakfast table. With its fudgy decadence and rich clusters, Chocolate Oat Clusters gave me A New Hope that grown-up cereal could be fun.
Then Baked Oat Bites Struck Back. With layers of sour cream doughnut complexity, it improved on Cracklin’ Oat Bran’s seemingly un-improvable formula. Finally, Honey Oat Clusters happily rounded out the saga with a Return to its predecessors’ doughnut-esque delightfulness, but it lacked a sense of cliffhanging, compelling intrigue.
I thought the fun was done there, but then Nature Valley announced two more cereals. The first, Raisin Oat Clusters, was a bit of a disappointment. It was less imaginative and more dry. And unlike the other movies, The Phantom Menace didn’t even taste like a bakery dessert!
Wait a minute—I think I mixed my metaphors there.
That’s a long-winded way of explaining how Chocolate Oat Bites—the newest Nature Valley cereal—has to break the cycle. Attack of the Clones may not have been the worst Star Wars film, but I sure wouldn’t want to watch it for breakfast every morning. Continue reading →
Raisin bran as we know it needs to evolve. Can Nature Valley’s new Raisin Oat Clusters help bring it from its Cro-Magnon hunch to an upright state?
See, bran flakes with raisins is one of cereal’s oldest traditions, dating all the way back to Skinner’s Raisin Bran. But while species of Toast Crunch cereal evolved from swirled squares to full on maple glazed mini bread slices in just over a decade, all raisin bran has done in its 90 years of existence is add oat clusters and maybe a few measly almonds.
Sure, there’s been the occasional innovator, like Raisin Nut Bran with its nut-coated raisins or the unfortunately discontinued Raisin Bran Extra! But by and large, survival of the fittest has been more of a “survival of the fattest, juiciest raisins.”
I demand more. I demand a raisin bran that will blow my mind instead of just my colon. It’s time to find out if Raisin Oat Clusters, one of Nature Valley’s two newest cereals, is up to the task. Continue reading →
If my experiences with Nature Valley’s first three offerings—which all tasted like baked goods for some reason—are to be believed, Raisin Oat Clusters will taste like a cinnamon raisin bagel, while Chocolate Oat Bites will be like miniature chocolate doughnut flavored Cracklin’ Oat Bran.
Yep, I’m gonna start surfing Craigslist now for bulk deals on larger sized pants. Maybe I’ll pick up a sketchy old mattress and a bag of soggy fireworks while I’m there, too.
To all readers who would like to see their picture or thoughts featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post (yours truly spotted these at Kroger), head over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
