Author Archives: dan g.

Review: Kellogg’s Krave S’Mores

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So this is what Smorz died for?

Of course, Smorz was resurrected this January through some happy cereal voodoo, but times were darker before then. When Kellogg’s announced in 2013 that Smorz was being replaced by Krave S’Mores after 10 years as a fan favorite, tempers were more fiery than a misplaced campfire marshmallow. Smorz fans everywhere treated Krave S’Mores like the brother-murdering, ugly Uncle Claudius of the cereal aisle.

Krave in general has a dedicated camp who vocally dislike it, but as an equally vocal defender of the Krave brand, I felt the need to stand up for Krave S’Mores. When kids complained to their mothers in the cereal aisle, I flipped over shopping carts to send a message. When people spoke ill of Krave S’Mores petitions online, I “Rickrolled” every single one of them.

Okay, neither of these are true. But I did Rickroll myself once. Somehow.

But do Krave S’Mores deserve my “Pedro’s cousins from Napoleon Dynamite” levels of protection? Let’s risk it for the chocolatey marshmallow-filled biscuit and find out.

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Review: Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts Gone Nutty! Frosted PB&J Strawberry

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I’m glad you’re here! Hurry: put on my latest invention, the NostalgiGoggles 3000. We’ve got an important journey to take—a journey to your elementary school cafeteria!

*cue Sci-Fi whooshing noises, rainbow-colored swirling portals, Cacodemons, and other time travel imagery that doesn’t go over so well in text*

Phew, we made it. It’s the year [INSERT YOUR 3RD GRADE YEAR HERE] and the lunch bell has just gone off. Geography pop quizzes can’t get our spirits down when we have processed snacks and juice boxes on the way!

Our best friends all get in the hot lunch line with their crumpled dollar bills and milk money. We’re a little jealous, because today is Bosco Breadstick Day, but we’re still happy as we plunk down at our faux-wood paneled table, because Mom’s cryptic smile this morning told us she was packing something good.

Spilling our brown paper bags onto the table (which still smells strongly of the Lunch Lady’s Clorox wipes) the sight of PB&J Pop-Tarts makes our mouth water.

Who needs ooey-gooey cheese sticks when you can have ooey-gooey, oh-so-nutty pastries? Continue reading

News: Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s #SquadBowls Let You Eat Cereal with Friends!

https://twitter.com/CTCSquares/status/718091850284802048

Do you ever feel lonely snapping pics and snacking on Kix with your Selfie Spoon?

Do you feel your friendships would be stronger if your faces were all smushed uncomfortably close together?

Do you have a need for hashtags at the breakfast table, because hash browns alone just aren’t cutting it?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then Cinnamon Toast Crunch has you covered. After the success of the Selfie Spoon, CTC has introduced their latest invention: #squadbowls. These interconnected cereal bowls are perfect for cereal parties and breakfast clubs, and they’d probably make great skate parks for all your Tech Deck Dudes, too.

You can buy them at squadbowls.com. Depending on how popular you are, they come in 3, 4, 5, and 6 person sizes. But you’ll have to act quickly: the first 10 bowls each day (starting at 10am EST each day from now until 4/17) are only $0.99. After that, even the cheapest #squadbowl will run you back a whopping $59.99.

At that rate, you’ll be filling the bowls with Malt-O-Meal, for sure.

It goes without saying that our fast fingers here at Cerealously already snapped up one of the first 10 bowls. Expect an in-depth look as soon as it arrives.

Now does anyone know where I can buy some friends?

News: Strawberry Tiny Toast Cereal and Blueberry Tiny Toast Cereal Coming This Summer from General Mills!

Tiny Toast Cereal

UPDATE (June 6th, 2016): Read my review of both Tiny Toast cereals by clicking here!)

Could Tiny Toast Cereal be the best cereal since sliced bread?

It might be too soon to say (after all, sliced bread has been the best thing since 1928), but what we do know is that Tiny Toast cereal, a crunchy bread-shaped cereal that comes in Strawberry and Blueberry, is flavored with real fruit ingredients, has no artificial colors or high fructose corn syrup, and is General Mills’ first new cereal brand in 15+ years. It’s the first since General Mills’ short-lived Harmony cereal, so here’s hoping Tiny Toast sticks it out longer than a piece of French toast thrown at the ceiling.

I’m just as blindsided and intrigued by this news as you are, cereal fans. Cerealously first found out about Tiny Toast way back in April, thanks to this cryptic Instagram post by Chef Andrew Zimmern.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BD3wAZ_oK16/?taken-by=chefaz

As the ever-vigilant cereal historian Gabe Fonseca points out, General Mills has experimented with sweet bread-themed cereals in the past. Though the pictured Tiny Toasts cereals never reached shelves, it looks like Strawberry Tiny Toast will be very real, very soon.

https://twitter.com/MrGabeFonseca/status/717904165578518533

All predictions and history aside, I’m excited: strawberry jelly on toast has been a breakfast mainstay in my family for decades, ever since my dad would prepare and eat entire loafs of it—assembly line style—to kill time after school.

Okay, just one more prediction: will Grape Tiny Toast be next? How about Cinnamon Raisin Tiny Toast? Ooh, or maybe Grilled Cheese Tiny Toast? Marble Rye Reuben Tiny Toast?

Whoops. I think I went too far.

Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca: Cracklin’ Oat Bran and New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cereals

Quick: does the word “bran” fill you with a sense of fear, loathing, and disgust? If you answered “yes,” then you might be one of the many anti-branners out there who spurns cereals like Bran Flakes and Raisin Bran for being bland and boring.

As seen in the cereal’s first advertising campaign, Cracklin’ Oat Bran was made for such bran banners back in 1977. This is just one of the interesting historical factoids you can expect from cereal ninja Gabe Fonseca, who has two new episodes in his fun and informational Cereal Time YouTube series that we’d like to share with you.

There’s only one thing more addicting than watching Cereal Time, and that’s popping squares of Cracklin’ Oat Bran into your mouth like Macklemore pops tags (that’s the most modern reference I’ll make on this site, so enjoy it). That’s why it’s so appropriate that Cereal Time finally has an episode dedicated to these uniquely shaped and textured oat squares. Continue reading

Review: Sweet Home Farm Pumpkin Flax Granola

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Pumpkin season might be over, but flax season has just begun! Get ready for Flax Spice Lattes, Flax-scented hand soap, and flax-o-lantern seed carving contests.

Okay, I definitely just made up “flax season” for the purposes of this review, but it makes sense. If we eat healthy things with flax in them now, when it’s time for summer barbecues and pool lounging, we can feel justified in going Kobayashi on a pack of hot dogs.

How does that old saying go? Oh yeah:

“April flax brings Lay’s Stax!”

Flax isn’t the most common things to find in the breakfast aisle, especially outside of Canada, but if you’re feeling the need for seed, Sweet Home Farm has you covered with their Pumpkin Flax granola.

I’m definitely going to try it: half because I want to, and half because my hand won’t fit any deeper into my can of Lay’s Stax.

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Review: Honey Nut M&M’s (Flavor Vote)

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I know: these M&M’s are not a cereal.

And despite all the bowlfuls of M&M’s Minis I’ve sucked down over the years, M&M’s never have been a cereal, either.

But before you report me to the cops for reviewing something on this blog wholly unrelated to breakfast, hear me out. When I say “Honey Nut,” what’s the first snack you think of?

If you said anything but “Honey Nut Cheerios,” maybe those cops should be on the lookout for a pair of pants on fire instead. Yeah, yeah, there are other acceptable answers, like Honey Nut Shredded Wheat and Honey Nut Chex, but my point still stands:

Breakfast cereal runs the Honey Nut game, so a new Honey Nut M&M’s flavor should be legally considered a cereal, just like how pizza can legally be considered a vegetable.

Whether you agree with me or not, I’m gonna review these bad boys. And whether your eyes are ready for it or not, I’m even gonna try them with milk.

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Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Chocolate Little Bites

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Chocolate Little Bites are the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats flavor ever made.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did I spoil the verdict of this review by saying that? Oops. I guess I was just distracted by the fact that these are the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats ever made.

I typically review new cereals on this blog, but I always make exceptions for exceptional “classic” cereals. And the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats ever made certainly qualify as exceptional.

These chocolatey cuboids are part of Frosted Mini-Wheats’ Little Bites line, which adorably miniaturize the brand’s normal sized Mini-Wheats. But “normal” Mini-Wheats are already a smaller version of Kellogg’s original, much larger Mini-Wheats, which debuted in 1972.

Confused yet? I know I am. Now I’m just wondering whether Kellogg’s plans to release a line of Frosted Micro-Wheats that we’ll need a magnifying glass and tweezers to eat. Or maybe they’ll just pull a switcheroo and release Monster-Wheats, which require us to consult a real estate agent before every spoonful.

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