Ready your best Oprah impression and say it with me: “You get a blueberry flavor! And you get a blueberry flavor! Everybody gets a blueberry flavor!
With the introduction of Very Berry Cheerios earlier this year, the recent rebranding of Blueberry Tiny Toast into Blueberry Toast Crunch, Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch, the unexpected appearance of Kellogg’s Blueberry Lemon Special K, the inevitable return of Boo Berry in October, and now the dawn of gluten-free Blueberry Chex, it seems like 2017 is poised to be the year of the blue-but-mostly-indigo-but-pretty-much-purple-inside-berry.
That or General Mills just had a surplus harvest of pulverized blueberry flavor dust. In that case, I expect to see Chocolate Fondue Berry Cocoa Puffs and Reese’s Peanut Butter & Blueberry Jelly Puffs any day now.
But until such a gastronomical triumph is achieved, let’s content ourselves with these Smurf-kissed corn squares. Continue reading →
I wholeheartedly support the powderization of all cereals and milks. One day, humanity will inevitably go too far and causes its own extinction by putting too much x-treme nacho cheese flavor into a single corn chip or attempting an Oreo flavor that tastes like God’s leftovers. When our food science hubris causes our downfall, I still want post-human lifeforms to enjoy Earthen snack culture by reconstituting old powdered foodstuffs with long shelf lives.
Hence why this line of new powdered Cereal Milk drink “Mixxers” is a step in the right direction. When the self-aware Doritos turn on us, I’ll still be able to savor a tall glass of Reese’s Puff-flavored milk while watching the atomic orange sun set on mankind.
And Peanut Butter Cup isn’t the only flavor, either. These innovative products, which seek to re-create the flavor of cereal endmilk without that daunting “eating cereal” part, also come in Frosted Flake and Cinnamon Crunch. And while I’d love to raise a GRRR-EAT Cinnamon Toast to all three varieties, these things cost as much as a family-sized cereal box. So I embraced my soul-deep Reese’s Cup love and took the choco-nutty plunge.
Now let’s mix this stuff into everything I have in my pantry. Look out, Chef Boyardee. Continue reading →
It turns out reports of Tiny Toast’s death have not been greatly exaggerated. The brand of crunchy, strawberry and blueberry-flavored mini-loaves has been officially absorbed into the Toast Crunch family of cereals, as General Mills and many suddenly cereal-happy media outlets (after the Oreo O’s news, no one’s sleeping on everyone’s favorite wake-up foodstuff anymore) are now reporting.
I took to Twitter this morning to succinctly share my thoughts on this change, and I thought I’d reproduce my retrospection here, since copying and pasting tweets is the only way to keep me from writing 1,000+ more unnecessarily sappy words about pygmy bread pieces. Continue reading →
New Honey Maid S’mores Cereal (Left) with its Ancestors
Apparently cereal isn’t like baseball: there’s no “three s’mores and you’re out” policy.
Post, the Honey Bunch-slinging, Oreo O’s-reviving parent company of Malt-O-Meal, has announced that even after launching Madagascar S’mores Jungle Party, Canadian S’Mores Cereal, and Malt-O-Meal S’mores, they’ll be raising a toast(ed marshmallow) to one more graham–’mallow–chocolate cereal with new Honey Maid S’Mores Cereal.
Debuting this month (if not now in your local Walmart: check Post’s store locator) alongside a probably-far-more-popular-with-no-offense-to-s’mores-because-come-on-it’s-cookies-for-breakfast cereal, newly introduced Oreo O’s, Honey Maid S’mores combines ridged honey graham squares, chocolate puffs, and mini marshmallows to re-create everyone’s favorite campfire treat.
Well, almost everyone: I prefer roasting Cheez-Its for that extra extra toasty effect.
Though it’s unlikely that Honey Maid S’mores will taste any different than its breakfast aisle kinfolk, I’m sure I’ll still buy it anyway. If only so I can give my Teddy Grahams officially licensed honey graham surfboards to ride on.
I’m Oreo O-verjoyed.
I’m Oreo O-ver the moon.
I’m bellowing “Oreo O-h yeah!” to the skies, heavens, and great sandwich cookie cosmos above.
Yes, friends, neighbors, countrymen, and dunkers: Oreo O’s, your favorite ’90s cereal or probably favorite cereal ever, is coming back. In the year 2017.
On the 20th anniversary of its debut and the 10th anniversary of its tragic discontinuation in the States, news has broken—and subsequently broken the internet in two like a twisted apart cookie—that Post has brought its iconic, cookies and creme flavored cereal back from our nostalgic memories and into reality. Of course, the cereal has been around in South Korea for nearly a decade now—a fact that I’ve well-documented—but its high price of important made it out of reach for all but the most “devoted” (by which I mean “questionably sane” and by which I also mean me).
These new Oreo O’s should be hitting shelves in early June, so start prepping some garage space to stockpile boxes. Heck: maybe Nabisco will even re-release S’Mores Oreos so we have something to eat during our Walmart parking lot campouts.
Before I leave you all to bathe in a palpable sea of nostalgia, this new Oreo O’s news does come with a cumbersome (or “crumbersome,” if you will) caveat. Malt-O-Meal, which is owned by Post, already released a Cookies & Cream Oreo O’s doppelgänger. This taste-alike is pretty good, but it still can’t match the dense, buttery flavor of the Korean kind—which I consider to be the true original.
This new Post Oreo O’s revival looks eerily similar to Cookies & Cream, leading me to worry that “new” Oreo O’s are just repackaged C&C and not, in fact, the real Oreo O.G. A Post spokesperson claims that, “Fans of the iconic OREO O’s cereal will find the product has stayed true to its roots,” but as, arguably, the world’s biggest Oreo O’s fan (wait ’til I put that on my resume), I have one thing left to say:
Be ready to put your money where my mouth is. Or something like that.
With French Toast Crunch’s continued triumph of nostalgia, Tiny Toast’s recent rebrand into Strawberry Toast Crunch and Blueberry Toast Crunch, and now Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s debut, one thing has become clear: bread-shaped cereal is here to stay. Though I’m slightly conflicted about what this means for the Toast Crunch family of cereals. On one hand, I worry that we’ll never get another variety with flavor-swirled squares, but the other hand is too busy scooping up fistfuls of Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal because all these small slices are so darn cute that I’d rather formally adopt them as children than eat them.
I’ve already got names picked out: Crusty, Carbo, Butt Slice—the list goes on.
But any way you slice it (or square it), I’m just happy we’re getting new Toast Crunch varieties, because that brings us ever closer to getting my childhood white whale: PB&J Toast Crunch. Now enough nuttiness: let’s slice open these wee slices and hope they taste like apple pie slices. Continue reading →
I will forever associate blueberry-lemon flavor combos with the word loaf.
Apparently it’s really common to stuff blueberries and lemon juice into moist bricks of pound cake so dense they could K.O. passing construction workers if not properly secured to the kitchen table. And even though Starbucks has apparently never sold blueberry-lemon loaf next to the register (I still remember seeing it: I blame a highly caffeinated Mandela Effect), fat slices of the stuff would look right at home next to the chain’s cavalcade of other pastries whose sophisticated pedestals and tiny signs tempt you to consume 80% of your daily recommended calories before 9am.
So when I heard that Special K Blueberry with Lemon Clusters was going to be the wholesome cereal line’s newest flavor, I happily ditched my macchiato mid-order and impulsively considered buying a bread maker. Tasting all the flavor of blueberry-lemon loaf without giving myself loaf-handles?
Consider it bun. Err, I mean done. Sorry: too many carbs on my mind. Continue reading →
Movie cereals are like grizzly bears. And Post’s new Trolls Rainbow Crunch cereal is living proof.
No, I don’t that movie cereals taste like salmon and ruin your campsite. Rather, they just like to hibernate—for very long periods of time. See, back in cereal’s Golden Age, movie cereals had heart: fortified heart. From double-crunching C-3PO’s to Reese’s Pieces-flavored E.T. cereal, these cinematic cereals were as innovative as they were memorably tasty.
But then the breakfast film industry must have crashed, or at least fell asleep. Because for what felt like decades, every movie cereal was basic and bland. Most were either cheap Lucky Charms knock-offs or some generically fruity or chocolaty puffed shape. No franchise was safe, from Shrek and Shrek 2 to Shrek and seriously why the heck were there so many Shrek cereals?
But very recently, matinee meals have been stirring from their slumber, returning once more to the creative concepts of their more marquee-worthy years. Minions Banana Berry cereal was a crunchy smoothie. Disney Princess cereal is rethinking the tired oats ‘n’ ‘mallows gambit. Batman and Superman fought with volleys of caramel-iciousness and fondued berries.
And now? Trolls Rainbow Crunch Cereal—based on a 2017 DreamWorks movie based on a bug-eyed, soft-serve-haired fad toy from the 1960s—is bringing peace to the world of fruity cereals. Continue reading →
