Category Archives: Reviews

Review: Limited Edition Strawberry Cheerios

Strawberries.

Forget April showers, May flowers, and June TV re-runs of Austin Powers, because strawberries are the real harbingers of summertime.

Strawberries!

Whether it’s the rosy pink of an artificial strawberry or the screaming scarlet of the real thing, the color of strawberry related things is enough to make my blood run red. Oh, wait…it always does that.

Strawberries!

Even saying the name makes me want to suck down fruity beverages through a curly plastic tube while singing along to “Copacabana,” because nothing’s better than straws and Barry.

Now even Cheerios—one of the most iconic cereal brands out there—has embraced this hero of the season. With gluten-free Limited Edition Strawberry Cheerios, General Mills is once again bringing peace to the breakfast aisle after the tragic discontinuation of Strawberry Yogurt Burst Cheerios in 2013.

We also know that the bread and strawberry butter of General Mills’ strawberry cereal game is still to come with this summer’s Strawberry Tiny Toast, but let’s give Strawberry Cheerios their time in the oat ring-shaped spotlight. Hi ho, Cheerio: let’s-a go!

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cheerios, general mills, strawberry, van's. 9 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Post Grape-Nuts Flakes

Oh, Grape-Nuts: you go by many names in my household, from “mouth gravel” to “rugged nuggets.” But most of us just call you “ow!” because the strength of your molar-cracking crunchiness would make the Incredible Hulk blush.

Post must have realized that Grape-Nuts were unfairly lining the pockets of dentists everywhere, which is why we have Grape Nuts Flakes. A “lite” version of original Grape-Nuts (both in terms of texture and calories), these Flakes promise all of the O.G. Grape-Nuts flavor you love with half the number of broken bicuspids.

And for those of you who already hated the taste of Grape-Nuts? Well, these charming barley shavings might still win you over.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, grape-nuts, post. 14 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Cocoa Puffs (Now With 50% More Real Cocoa)

That’s a bold claim, Cocoa Puffs.

I mean, you could’ve just said “now with more chocolatey taste!” or called the cereal “SUPER Cocoa Puffs,” but you chose to drop some hard stats on us. Exactly 50% more cocoa, eh? Alright, if you say so: I better go 50% more cuckoo for these.

And trust me, I have a pretty refined Cocoa Puffs palate. Cocoa Puffs is one of the first cereals I can remember eating as a young’n. Back in my early grade school days, I ate a bowl every single morning until I got sick of ’em. One day, in fact, I tried a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with chocolate milk instead of regular milk and got quite literally sick, diagnosed with a condition that doctors could classify only as “Chocolardiac Arrest.”

But what didn’t kill me only made me stronger, and now my taste buds are braced and ready to be blown away by a choco-bombshell. Are you ready, Cocoa Puffs?

En garde!

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cocoa puffs, general mills. 19 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Madagascar Cookie Dough-licious Oatmeal from MOM Brands

Confession time: I am an absolute cookie dough warrior.

I don’t even like baked chocolate chip cookies that much (oatmeal raisin has my heart), because I’d much rather eat an entire bowl of raw, doughy goodness than watch it all go to waste in an oven.

If I’m killed by salmonella some day, then you’ll know I died happy.

That’s why it saddens me to see virtually zero chocolate chip cookie dough representation in the cereal aisle. Sure, we have Cookie Crisp, but until General Mills creates a “Dough Ball Crisp” spin-off flavor, I won’t be satisfied.

Thankfully, oatmeal has Doughboys like me covered. As part of MOM (aka Malt-O-Meal) Brands’ recent Dreamworks movie revitalization line, we have Cookie Dough-licious oatmeal. This Madagascar branded oatmeal is one of three Dreamworks flavors, alongside Shrek‘s Ogre Apple Cinnamon and How to Train Your Dragon‘s Dragonberry.

Shrek’s too big of a meme, Dragonberry doesn’t actually contain any dragonfruit, and Madagascar already impressed me with its s’mores cereal, so it was a no brainer that I should pick this oatmeal over the others.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, malt-o-meal, movie cereals, non cereal, oatmeal. 2 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats

Strawberry season is nigh!

So while we wait for me to track down those new Strawberry Cheerios, while we wait a little longer for this summer’s Strawberry Tiny Toast, and while we wait even longer for Franken Berry to awaken from his 11 month hibernation, let’s start with a classic strawberry appetizer!

Kellogg’s Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats has been around for a long time. In fact, some historians claim this cereal predates the strawberry fruit itself.

We don’t take those historians very seriously.

But since Strawberry Mini-Wheats have long graced the breakfast aisle alongside compatriots like Blueberry, Maple Brown Sugar, and Original, they must be pretty darn good, right? Let’s revisit them and find out.

After all, I can’t resist any opportunity to lick hot pink frosting off of things. Somewhere out there is a veritable zoo of naked Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, kelloggs, mini-wheats, strawberry. 4 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Golden Grahams S’Mores Treats

It’s mid-April, and the last traces of winter are finally melting away. This means that summer, s’mores, subsequent spooky stories, and other things that start with “s” are on their way. So right after I track down that lying groundhog who predicted an early spring, I’m going to load up on graham crackers, chocolate bars, marshmallows, and first aid kits for inevitable 3rd degree burns caused by charred marshmallow magma.

But before I start up any campfires and make Smokey the Bear sweat nervously, I have to pre-game with as many s’mores favored snacks as possible. Last week I munched on the dreamy pillows of Krave S’Mores, so now it’s Golden Grahams’ turn.

Ordinarily, I could just add Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms marbits to a bowl of Golden Grahams and call it a day. But it’s an on-the-go kind of busy week, and I can’t carry around a portable torch to roast any marshmallows (I don’t have any angry mobs scheduled). Luckily, General Mills has me covered with Golden Grahams S’Mores Treats.

Will they be satisfying enough to make me postpone that angry mob appointment indefinitely? Enough fluff, let’s get right into the marshmallow fluff!

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cereal bar, general mills, golden grahams, s'mores. 3 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Krave S’Mores

So this is what Smorz died for?

Of course, Smorz was resurrected this January through some happy cereal voodoo, but times were darker before then. When Kellogg’s announced in 2013 that Smorz was being replaced by Krave S’Mores after 10 years as a fan favorite, tempers were more fiery than a misplaced campfire marshmallow. Smorz fans everywhere treated Krave S’Mores like the brother-murdering, ugly Uncle Claudius of the cereal aisle.

Krave in general has a dedicated camp who vocally dislike it, but as an equally vocal defender of the Krave brand, I felt the need to stand up for Krave S’Mores. When kids complained to their mothers in the cereal aisle, I flipped over shopping carts to send a message. When people spoke ill of Krave S’Mores petitions online, I “Rickrolled” every single one of them.

Okay, neither of these are true. But I did Rickroll myself once. Somehow.

But do Krave S’Mores deserve my “Pedro’s cousins from Napoleon Dynamite” levels of protection? Let’s risk it for the chocolatey marshmallow-filled biscuit and find out.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kelloggs, krave. 3 Comments

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts Gone Nutty! Frosted PB&J Strawberry

I’m glad you’re here! Hurry: put on my latest invention, the NostalgiGoggles 3000. We’ve got an important journey to take—a journey to your elementary school cafeteria!

*cue Sci-Fi whooshing noises, rainbow-colored swirling portals, Cacodemons, and other time travel imagery that doesn’t go over so well in text*

Phew, we made it. It’s the year [INSERT YOUR 3RD GRADE YEAR HERE] and the lunch bell has just gone off. Geography pop quizzes can’t get our spirits down when we have processed snacks and juice boxes on the way!

Our best friends all get in the hot lunch line with their crumpled dollar bills and milk money. We’re a little jealous, because today is Bosco Breadstick Day, but we’re still happy as we plunk down at our faux-wood paneled table, because Mom’s cryptic smile this morning told us she was packing something good.

Spilling our brown paper bags onto the table (which still smells strongly of the Lunch Lady’s Clorox wipes) the sight of PB&J Pop-Tarts makes our mouth water.

Who needs ooey-gooey cheese sticks when you can have ooey-gooey, oh-so-nutty pastries? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 7 Comments