Okay, okay: that article title is a lie. Or at least, like, 60% a lie.
Yes, I’m going to talk about all three of Malt-O-Meal’s fruity summer cereal releases, and yes, I know, I’m really late to the game on talking about them. But that’s because one of these three cereals is so much better than the others that I’ve been deeply, irretrievably absorbed in its ample folds of goodness—to the point of ignoring the other two, this blog, and my ties to this earthly plane, all at the same time.
Which one is it? Ha, wouldn’t you like to know.
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What’s that? You would like to know? And it’s my job as a reviewer to tell you?
Well geez, I guess that logic checks out. Alright, I’ll tell you…but I’m gonna make you wade through my thoughts on the not-so-good ones, first.
Don’t worry, I’ll make it as ephemeral as these two cereals’ flavor.
Malt-O-Meal Orange Dreamsicle Cereal Review
This hurts.
This could’ve been it, man. This could’ve been the cereal to melt my cold heart, which has been frozen solid like an Avatar in an iceberg ever since the untimely discontinuation of Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch—a 2016 cereal that I consider one of my all-time favorites despite only ever getting to eat one box, due to the stuff’s bafflingly limited geographic availability.
I’ve been mopping up wistful tangerine tears ever since, leaving offerings to Orange Julius (much to the chagrin of mall employees) in hopes of getting a new orange & vanilla cereal that could live up to my colossally fond memories of Creampop Crunch (memories which have inflated to the size of a Macy’s Parade Garfield balloon). And with the announcement of M-O-M’s Orange Dreamsicle Cereal, surely my prayers had been answered…
…but alas, this is far from a Dreamsicle come true. Simply put, Orange Nightmaresicle Cereal has its priorities all wrong. Rather than being an orange-forward cereal with creamy vanilla undertones, the vanilla instead steals the show, with the sweet clementine-y orange making only faint cameo appearances at the start and end of each bite.
It doesn’t taste bad, mind you. In fact, it’s a charming take on citrusy cereal with a totally different direction from the more puckering likes of Trix. I just wanted about 50% more orange and about 25% less vanilla, since the latter is already a vastly overrepresented flavor in the cereal aisle. And milk only makes this dichotomy less balanced, as dairy amps up the vanilla creaminess.
Oh well, guess I’ll have to try eating it with OJ…
The Bottom Line: 7 helium-filled lasagnas out of 10
Malt-O-Meal Key Lime Pie Crunch Cereal Review
Key Lime Pie Crunch and Orange Dreamsicle are basically shipmates on the same boat—a boat without a Cap’n (ba-dum-tss).
See, just like with Orange Creamsicle, the fruit that takes top billing ends up getting upstaged by its costars. Again, there is nice, tart and juicy lime flavor here, but it’s more like the marbits and graham pieces are simply having a conversation where they do cheeky impressions of lime, rather than letting it speak directly.
And again (again), it’s pretty good! I love me some Golden Grahams, so to experience lime-kissed graham sweetness, which is then doubled-down (or at times, somewhat diluted) by more sugary marshmallowiness, feels extremely unique—it just doesn’t push the envelope quite far enough, and said envelope ends up slipping out of the proverbial mailbox, onto my proverbial porch, where it gets chewed up by a proverbial dog that then ends up throwing it back up on my proverbial lawn.
I don’t really know where I was going with that, but what I do know is that I’m not going to fault Malt-O-Meal for trying: not with Key Lime Pie Crunch or Orange Dreamsicle. This is exactly the kind of innovation and unconventionally fruited exploration the ever-staling cereal aisle desperately needs. It’s just unfortunate to see when, despite cereal being notoriously and atomically over-flavored, Malt-O-Meal played it a bit too safe.
Maybe the key (ha!) is to simply focus on the fruit itself, rather than a dessert that includes it. This is the Cheerios strategy, and it always works out for those guys.
The Bottom Line: 7.5 proverbially shaken fists out of 10
Malt-O-Meal Strawberry Shortcake Cereal Review
And yet, despite what I just said, the one cereal out of these three that attempts a more conventional fruit flavor turns out to be the best.
By far.
I’m talkin’ “Strong Cereal Contender of the Year” levels of deliciousness.
See, where Orange Dreamsicle and Key Lime Pie Crunch are pretty timid with their signature tastes, Strawberry Shortcake goes hard. Upon first bite, I pictured each of my tastebuds getting hit in slow motion by a billion pink dodgeballs thrown by a bloodlusted Franken Berry (not that Frank is a good analogue here, because this Strawberry Shortcake Cereal ought to make him a weeping cornhusk of an inadequate embarrassment).
And this potent flavor is completely unique in the strawberr-o-sphere of cereals, too. Rather than the candied fakeness of Franken Berry or the fresh juiciness of Strawberry Cheerios, Strawberry Shortcake Cereal takes a specific, dessert-minded approach. And that dessert is, surprisingly, not strawberry shortcake, but rather, strawberry ice cream! Yes, this stuff tastes so much like crunch-atized, half-melted strawberry ice cream that I felt like I just stepped out of a Neopets flash game.
It’s sweet, it’s creamy, it’s light, it’s refreshing, and it pairs well enough with milk that you’ll want to cram the whole bowl in the freezer for 10 minutes, just to make it that much more of an utterly chill delight.
Ultimately, I’m happy all three of these Malt-O-Meal cereals exist. Orange Dreamsicle and Key Lime Pie Crunch feel like beta versions of a brilliant breakfast concept that just need a little more refinement, whereas Strawberry Shortcake is absolutely perfect as it is (well, they could’ve gone with a graham flour base, but that goes without saying [though I am, of course, saying it anyway]). If you’re looking for a fun ‘n’ fruity way to winnow away the end of summer, you could do a whole, whole lot worse than any of these, but really the choice is whether you want imperfect novelty or impeccable acquaintance.
And me? I’m going face deep in the familiar.
The Bottom Line: 9.5 Franken Burials out of 10
I’m surprised you didn’t mention the texture of Orange Dreamsicle. I was expecting the impermeable puffballs we all know and hate. I was pleasantly surprised by a delicate, melt in your mouth texture. I can’t even think of another cereal with a texture like this.
I really like the variety of textures on the Key Lime Pie Crunch cereal pieces, and the bold color choices as well. Bright green is my favorite color, and in theory it’s a very fun cereal look…but I can’t shake the thought that this looks like a cereal-ified beef and [green/white vegetable] stir fry. Oddly enough that doesn’t deter me at all from wanting to eat it!
Hm. I would’ve guessed the key lime cereal as the top pick only because it’s such a rare flavor, but unfortunately it seems Malt-o-Meal fumbled that one at the 5-yard-line. Wasn’t really interested in the dreamsicle, so I feel more justified in skipping it now.
I’m really surprised you thought Strawberry Shortcake tasted like ice cream. I thought it was one of the few cereals that really tastes like the dessert it’s named for. It has a strong cake flavor akin to the cake flavor in Tres Leches Toast Crunch. I found myself wanting more strawberry and less cake flavor though.
I wholeheartedly agree! Though I give the Key Lime Crunch a little more credit because of the originality, but yes, I wish they’d executed it with a little more citrus punch.
Glad I got to see Gabe’s take (though of course I would have preferred a CT video).
Feel like some mention of the sugar content (I know, I know, they’re not “healthy cereals”…) would have been appropriate. You don’t see many cereals with sugar as the number one ingredient (looking at you Dreamsicle).