Spooned & Spotted: Nature Valley Maple Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Granola Crunch

Nature Valley Maple Brown Sugar Granola Crunch and Nature Valley Cinnamon Granola Crunch

If you haven’t heard, I’m now a born-again granola evangelist.

See, I once doubted that granola was right for me. It felt wrong to munch on sticky Aggro Crag chunks of oats and healthy protein while I sat criss-cross applesauce in front of a Nickelodeon Guts marathon. But then a wise granola sensei taught me that “it’s not about the nutrition destination: it’s about the cinnamon syrup-coated journey.”

Or maybe I just read that on the back of an ’80s Southern Comfort Cookbook in the 10-for-$1 bin at a Salvation Army. I can’t quite remember.

Regardless, I’m ready to start seeing other granolas again. And thankfully, Nature Valley has just pushed out these new Granola Crunch pouches. Each satchel comes in either Maple Brown Sugar or Cinnamon and promises to contain the equivalent of 21 Nature Valley granola bars.

Anyone who’s ever sat on a Nature Valley granola bar, left a Nature Valley granola bar in their pocket, or even looked at a Nature Valley granola bar for more than 5 seconds knows that those things love to explode into avalanches of microscopic crumbs, so I don’t doubt Nature Valley’s claim. They probably just stuffed 21 bars into each bag and said some rude words about them behind their back.

Poor Nature Valley granola bars: too fragile for this world.

New Chex Box Designs

Oh, and here’s a bonus Spooned & Spotted for those of you who tragically don’t follow Cerealously on Instagram. Chex cereals are starting to roll out new box designs, and these ones are way more aesthetically pleasing. Posting this photo of those geometrically crisp pieces probably just made my high school geometry teacher cheer out loud without even knowing why.

I spotted both all of these products at Kroger, but if you’ve seen or tasted something awesome, you can send your picture or thoughts and have them featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post. All you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

Review: Starbucks “Pop-Tarts” — Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie

Starbucks "Pop-Tart:" Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie Wrapped

Despite what you may have seen or heard, this isn’t an actual Starbucks Pop-Tart. It isn’t a Starbucks Toaster Strudel, either. And it certainly is not a Starbucks Magpie, since i’m pretty sure the coffee chain’s aviary license expired decades ago.

No, Starbucks’ latest sugary coffee companions are the invention of New York baker Meghan Ritchie, and they’re called Megpies. More specifically, they are “artisan tarts,” which Google Translate claims is hipster-speak for “please don’t shame me as I dip this double-decker Pop-Tart into my Cotton Candy Frappuccino and accidentally spill some on my portable typewriter.”

Individually wrapped and sold next to the register, these all-natural Megpies come in strawberry and cinnamon + brown sugar. I can only assume this is a non-sugar coated (but still literally sugar coated) attempt to mimic Pop-Tarts’ two most popular flavors: Frosted Strawberry and Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon.

Since I’ve eaten enough Tiny Toast cereal this summer to give myself a not-so-tiny bloat, I decided to give the berries a break this time and give in to Cinnamon + Brown Sugar’s spicy temptation.

Oh, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t try one of each, it’s because these Totally Not Pop-Tarts will run you back $3.95 a pop, which is indeed more than the cost of a 16-count Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart box. That’s fine, Starbucks, as long as this Megpie has few shares of Google stock buried in its gooey innards. Continue reading

Review: Nature’s Path Organic Qi’a Superfood Cocoa Coconut Superflakes Cereal

Qi'a Cocoa Coconut Superflakes Cereal Box

Qi’a?

You mean like that car company? Or are you talking about those cute ceramic pets that grow plants on their backs? Oh, wait, you must be thinking of “iQi’a,” the popular Swedish furniture and meatball emporium.

Forgive me for the bad puns, but those were the things that came to my mind as I tried pronouncing the name of Qi’a Cocoa Coconut aloud in the cereal aisle. I’m still not sure I’m saying it right, and since it took me 3 months just to wrap my tongue around the correct pronunciation of quinoa, I might just quite while I’m ahead.

Nature’s Path Organic’s current Qi’a line of power bars and oatmeal also includes three new Superflakes cereals (the other two are Coconut Chia and Honey Chia). They’re expensive, so I had to be selective in my choice. I figured Cocoa Coconut would make for the most unique cereal, since chocolate and coconut is rarely seen in cereal ever since my doctor told me that “eating fudge-dipped macaroons in milk isn’t part of this complete breakfast.”

I guess he skipped the med school lesson on “how to diagnose a good time.” Continue reading

Review: Kirkland Signature Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola with Almonds

Kirkland Signature Nature's Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola with Almonds Box

I was once content with being a mere granola observer. But thanks to Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola, I’m a believer.

You see, I used to view granola as cereal’s athletic and beefy older sibling. While cereal and I were happy crashing on the couch with a bowlful of technicolor sugar whirlpools, granola was climbing mountains of Greek yogurt and swimming in protein shakes. I never hated granola for being more active than me, but you better believe I turned up the volume on The Price is Right when he walked into the room.

But all that has changed. After a failed search for Sam’s Club’s economy-sized boxes of Multigrain Cheerios + Ancient Grains, I braved Costco instead for something to satisfy my ancient yearnings. And despite sounding like the premise of another Scorpion King sequel (they made five of those movies?), that Costco quest led me to this epiphanic tweet:

Allow me to fulfill that promise of “more to come.” Continue reading

Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca: Mr. T Cereal and Donkey Kong Cereal!

I pity the fool who doesn’t enjoy cereal power player Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time: a YouTube series jam-packed with more nostalgia and whole grain than that creepy Chuck e. Cheese next to a corn field your parents never let you go to.

Regular Cerealously readers know that I like to do “watch-alongs” as new episodes of this series come out, and now there are two more to share with you. These two episodes are packed with even more ’80s throwbacks than usual, so chug an Ecto-Cooler and hold on to your Dunkaroos, because Gabe’s not messing around. Continue reading

Review: Mom’s Best Cereals Jungle Berry Crunch

Mom's Best Jungle Berry Crunch Box

Oh Cap’n, my…wait a minute. Yarr, this isn’t Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchberries! This be Mom’s Best Cereals’ quasi-generic rendition of Crunchberries: Jungle Berry Crunch!

Shiver me timbers: how embarrassin’! This be just like the time I meant to fly a carrier pigeon to me scurvy mate with the message “ye bringin’ the grog on the ‘morrow, matey?” and accidentally flew it to me own ma, instead. I was grounded like a landlubber for fortnights.

Oh, aye, ye may be wonderin’ whyabouts I be blubberin’ like a pirate. Well let ol’ Danbeard spin ye a briny yarn about this here cereal of the sea. Jungle Berry Crunch may sound like it belongs in some scallywag’s Zimbabwean vacation, but it tastes like something a treacherous buccaneer like ol’ Jean LaFoote himself would find when marooned on a tropical island!

Continue reading

How Cap’n Crunch is Quietly Winning the War Against Cereal

Cap'n Crunch is Winning the Fight Against Cereal

I know I don’t often dabble in editorial content here on Cerealously, so feel free to ignore this if you’re only here for reviews. I just wanted to finally give a long-form answer to a question I’ve been asked a lot recently:

“What do you think about the future of breakfast cereal?”

There’s little doubt that cereal is at a crossroads. Between an increasingly health-conscious society, claims of “lazy millennial breakfasters,” and longer work hours that require on-the-go meals, it’s becoming harder and harder for some to justify a dazzling rainbow bowl of Froot Loops at 5:00 A.M.

Continue reading

Review: Nature Valley Chocolate Oat Bites Cereal

Nature Valley Chocolate Oat Bites Box

Please, oh please, Nature Valley Chocolate Oat Bites: you have to be better than Attack of the Clones.

Let me explain what I mean by this. I recently came to the conclusion that my experience with General Mills’ new 2016 line of Nature Valley cereals closely parallels my experience watching the Star Wars films.

Nature Valley’s “original trilogy” provided an exciting plot arc. First, Chocolate Oat Clusters brought an innovative breath of fresh air to the breakfast table. With its fudgy decadence and rich clusters, Chocolate Oat Clusters gave me A New Hope that grown-up cereal could be fun.

Then Baked Oat Bites Struck Back. With layers of sour cream doughnut complexity, it improved on Cracklin’ Oat Bran’s seemingly un-improvable formula. Finally, Honey Oat Clusters happily rounded out the saga with a Return to its predecessors’ doughnut-esque delightfulness, but it lacked a sense of cliffhanging, compelling intrigue.

I thought the fun was done there, but then Nature Valley announced two more cereals. The first, Raisin Oat Clusters, was a bit of a disappointment. It was less imaginative and more dry. And unlike the other movies, The Phantom Menace didn’t even taste like a bakery dessert!

Wait a minute—I think I mixed my metaphors there.

That’s a long-winded way of explaining how Chocolate Oat Bites—the newest Nature Valley cereal—has to break the cycle. Attack of the Clones may not have been the worst Star Wars film, but I sure wouldn’t want to watch it for breakfast every morning. Continue reading