News: LeBron & Nike’s Magic Fruity Pebbles

Nike & LeBron James' Magic Pebbles Sneakers

How ironic: this cereal news has turned my brain into scrambled eggs.

Seriously, I thought General Mills’ recent Cinnamoji Toast Crunch news was so steeped in modern cultural lingo and touchstones that it could be a cognitohazard weaponized by time travelers, but if you showed Pebbles’ latest launch to, say, a Bedrock-era caveman, you’d be more likely to kickstart an esoteric new religion.

But let me try to explain it anyway. Apparently, LeBron James has loved Pebbles cereal since he was a kid, so he’s teamed up with Post and Nike for a new color variant of not-so-new Magic Fruity Pebbles (which taste just like normal Fruity Pebbles, by the way). This cereal includes a coupon for 20% off any one item on Nike.com, as well as a chance to win the star of the promo: a pair of Nike’s LeBron James 19 Low Magic Fruity PEBBLES™ sneakers.

LeBron & Fred

These sneakers are where the real high strangeness kicks off. Not only do they have an image of the red & yellow Magic Pebbles textured onto them, but the shoes, like the cereal, also have a special color-changing technology that I’ll just let the PR folks explain:

“The real magic is the new 19 Low’s Photochromic DCS Technology where the shoe’s airbag uses the power of the sun’s UV light to transition a completely clear Air unit to a purple colorway. This first-time collaboration between Fruity PEBBLES x LeBron means fans everywhere can unlock two colorways, both on and off the court.”

Ope, now I think my scrambled brain’s been burnt into the cast iron pan that is my skull.

Whether or not it’s capable for mere human minds to fully grasp the breadth of this promo, I have to admit the shoes are pretty cool. I’m no baller—not basket, base, or foot, at least. Maybe goof.—but I’d love to wear a pair to like, the grocery store, so I can further cement my status as the most uneasily eager weirdo in the cereal aisle.

Review: Pebbles Shake-Ups!

Pebbles Shake Ups Review Bags

What qualifies as a successfully transformative “Shake Up” (let alone one with an exclamation point at the end) in the cereal world? Is it enough to simply “shake together” a bunch of existing cereal bits, or do you need to “shake in” something entirely new? Well we’re about to find out, because Pebbles’ new pair of pieced-together pouches represent both ends of that continuum, and I’m here to be the supreme arbiter—the Lady Justice holding the bowl-shaped scales, if you will—of just how good they really are.

So let’s do this, Post: shake up my stomach like a wedding-day bottle of champagne! Continue reading

News: Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal

New Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal Box

Finally, finally: a licensed cereal willing to do at least the very bare minimum to relevantly connect its composition to the property it’s promoting. I mean, a Sonic the Hedgehog cereal…shaped like golden rings! Not since Buddy the Elf’s syrup-slathered slop have we seen such a thoughtful not entirely thoughtless movie cereal.

Sure, a cereal based on the Blue Blur could’ve gone for a slightly more inspired flavor—blue raspberry and cherry Sonic Popsicle flavored clusters, anyone?—but at least honey-flavored rings are better than some bland birthday cake or vapid vanilla. And sure, the marbits could be shaped a little more lovingly—the green Chaos Emeralds I get, while the blue ones “representing Sonic swirling around” are a little iffy—but I’m ready to call this upcoming release a red-sneakered step in the right direction (and hopefully the Genesis of a new, tastier era for movie cereals).

Interestingly, this isn’t Sonic’s first foray into the breakfast aisle. From appearing on Honey Nut Cheerios boxes alongside Buzz the Bee to getting a FunkOs variant, an odd Golden Rings promo seemingly sent only to journalists, and…whatever this one is, Sonic is well travelled at the breakfast table, but this is his first time headlining a mainstream supermarket cereal.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 will hit theaters this April 8th, while Sonic the Hedgehog Cereal will hit stores in March.

Review: Eggo Maple Waffle Pop-Tarts & Apple Fritter Pop-Tarts

New Maple Eggo Pop-Tarts Review & Apple Fritter Pop-Tarts Review Boxes

Edible trading cards.

That’s what I’ve been calling Pop-Tarts for years, and it only feels more accurate the wackier these little pastries get. I mean, think about it: foil wrapping, colorfully zany designs, printed fun, mysteries, and different attack formations (plain, toasted, frozen).

What, you’re telling me you’ve never crammed your Blue-Eyes White Dragon in the toaster? No wonder you’ve lost touch with the Heart Tart of the Cards.

Anyway, Kellogg’s latest P-T booster pack boasts some heavy hitters: Eggo Frosted Maple, Apple Fritter, and Boston Creme Donut (which I was tragically unable to track down). Let’s let these first two duel it out on the battlefield of my palate, and see who ends up with more life points (spoiler alert, but after eating this many Pop-Tarts, it certainly won’t be me). Continue reading

Review: Lucky Charms Marshmallow Pancake Kit (+ Mrs. Butterworth’s Fruity Pebbles Syrup!)

Lucky Charms Marshmallow Pancake Kit Review Box

I don’t know about this, y’all. Between this pancake kit and last week’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch Coffee Cake, cereal reviewing rarely requires this much effort from me. See, half the fun of reviewing cereal is that you’ve just gotta pour a bowl, pour some milk, and dig in. Take some pictures, and then there’s only one dish to clean. But now you’re telling me I have to soak ‘n’ soap ‘n’ scrub a big mixing bowl, a whisk, a measuring cup or two, a frying pan, a plate, and a fork? Maaaan, it really harshens my vibe when I have to elevate myself from “total lazy layabout” to “lowest-bar functioning person.”

But for you, dear readers, I will clear that ankle-high bar. Just let me take a seat on it first and rest my eyes for a moment… Continue reading

Review: Wendy’s Frosty Cereal

New Wendy's Frosty Cereal Review Box

See her? That red-haired, doe-eyed dame looking all innocent at the top of this Frosty Cereal?

It’s her fault. All of it. The turmoil afflicting our world, the sallow tension draped over everything, the insidious doom oozing from every earthly orifice: or The Baconated Blight of Wendy, as I like to collectively call it.

You see, if Wendy’s social media accounts hadn’t decided to kickstart an insidious trend of sassy, apathetic, and terminally online brands, I’m convinced we wouldn’t be in this mess. I truly loathe the soulless snark of faceless corporate entities, and for that I can never forgive Ol’ Gwendolyn or her new Frosty Cereal here.

It doesn’t help that this cereal really phoned it in component-wise, pairing boring chocolate spheres with the worst marbits imaginable—but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s see just how Wendy’s Frosty Cereal fares in my bowl…

…and if I hear one cocky clapback from the girl on the box, I’m heaving the whole thing in a gravel pit. Continue reading

Bite-Sized Reviews: Cinnamon Almond Butter Plentifull & Cinnamon Toast Crunch Coffee Cake Mix

Oh, don’t mind me—just sharing a few quick reviews that aren’t quite rich enough for full blog breakdowns. Be sure to follow me on Twitter for more to-the-minute thoughts like these!

Oh, and check out the latest upcoming bit of Kelloggian ephemera hitting shelves now—

 

News: Cinnamoji Toast Crunch

New Cinnamoji Toast Crunches

Woof. I think I’ve typed the phrase “Toast Crunch” enough times in the past month that my fingers are starting to develop tastefully swirled auburn calluses.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I can only stand to see its namesake flavor blasted on so many products in such a short time before those three words start to lose all meaning. Heck, I’ve long since stopped seeing “cinnamon toast” as an actual breakfast confection people enjoy on its own—let alone the entirely absurd likes of “Frosted Toast” and “Apple Pie Toast.”

But now, General Mills is making “Toast Crunch” mean even less than ever, with an extensive new line of “Cinnamoji Toast Crunch” cereals. With a total of six different boxes already planned, this veritable cinn-ematic universe of cinnamon sugar is a little hard to parse, but I’ll try my best.

See, first of all, you’ve got the origin story: Cinnamoji Toast Crunch. The gimmick here is that, while CTC has long been known for having the swirled “taste you can see,” Cinnamoji Toast Crunch will have a taste that can see you, too, as they’ll feature little Cinnamoji faces baked into each piece.

However, that’s just the beginning, as Cinnamoji Toast Crunch will be joined by a number of other limited-edition boxes fronted by ‘moji likenesses of various celebrities I’ve never heard of…and SpongeBob? Snowboarder Chloe Kim will kick off the line with Chloe Toast Crunch, with releases to follow including:

  • SpongeBob SquarePants in Cinnamon Toast Crunch Squared – with a spatula fit for flipping patties or chowing down on a bowl of cereal
  • Professional football star Justin Jefferson in Griddy Toast Crunch – named after the iconic touchdown dance – with a custom Under Armour sweatshirt 
  • Popular Urbano singer Manuel Turizo in Manuel Toast Crunch – with a flat-brimmed cap with Manuel’s Cinnamoji 
  • Actress and Music Recording Artist Leslie Grace in Leslie Toast Crunch – debuting with a NEFF beanie embroidered with her Cinnamoji 

Best of all, anyone can visit CinnamojiMe.com to enter for a chance to win a box of Cinnamoji Toast Crunch bearing your own name and likeness (additional entries can be earned by entering codes with participating cereal purchases). And as much as I’d rather see a brand new, unique Toast Crunch flavor—Gingerbread, Nutella, or PB&J Toast Crunch, hello??—boy would I still be satisfied to see a floppy purple pompadoured Cinnamoji on the front of a Dan Toast Crunch.