I’ll just say it: Count Chocula and Franken Berry don’t understand Halloween. Fun-sized Snickers and whimsical apple-Roberting aside, the holiday is supposed to be scary: slashers, head bashers, teeth gnashers and all that heebie-jeebie jazz.
Yet this toothsome twosome is hawking us Pillsbury shaped sugar cookie dough that’s safe to eat raw? Where’s the danger? The thrill? Risking salmonella is half the fun—I mean, at least throw a couple loose jagged metal shavings into the mix, keep it interesting. Some eccentric bug larvae, or mutagenic research chemicals, maybe.
Oh well, I guess I’ll have to manufacture my own danger by eating these aw shucks sugar pucks fresh out of the oven, while they’re still monstrously molten.
Though first I have to try them (ugh, safely) raw, of course. And while I’m at it, let me add to my list of petty grievances and say that I deeply miss the days before Pillsbury shape cookies were pre-cut, and you had to “slice and bake” a big doughy log—which was way more fun to bite into directly, like a ripe Italian sausage.
Anyway, these Monster shape cookies taste amazing raw, as expected. The grainy chew of the squishy dough is divine, as is the subsequent buttery and eggy sweetness.
What’s unique about these Monsters that differs from other Pillsbury shape cookies is the flavor, in that, until now, I’ve never actually eaten any that actually have flavor, outside of just “sugar cookie.” And these are good flavors, too! Count Chocula and Franken Berry’s respective cookies taste remarkably like chocolate and strawberry ice cream. These creamy, candied tastes pair lovely-ly with the unbaked dough texture and buttery sugar, creating a cumulative neapolitan effect when both cookies are hoovered into your maw either sandwiched in tandem or sequentially wolfed down in fangorious fashion.
The raw flavor is so good that I hardly wanted to even bake them, but into my oven these beasts went regardless (gotta face your fear of fire eventually, Frank). After 12 minutes, they developed the perfect crisped edge, while still remaining soft in the center.
And yes, these Monster Shape Cookies tasted pretty Franken good baked, too. I found the Chocula ones lost a bit of their mellow milk chocolatiness (or perhaps chocolate milkiness would be more apt?) to the prevailing caramelization, but the Franken Berry ones got even better, developing a more sophisticated fruit pastriness (definitely not to be confused with ‘pasty fruitiness’) like a condensed strawberry shortcake.
All in all, I kinda loved these Monster Cereal cookies. Making Pillsbury shape cookies always put me in the holiday spirit, but in this case having two distinct flavors makes it more fun to sample them both—paired with a mug of milk and some old Goosebumps episodes, of course.
These are definitely the best Monster Cereal peripheral product yet to be released. I’m just a little bummed we didn’t also get the chance to see Boo Berry rendered as a vague unicolored cookie dough death mask.
The Bowl: Count Chocula and Franken Berry Pillsbury Shape Cookies
The Breakdown: The Count’s are better raw, while Frank’s make a better bake. Either way, eating these simply scrumptious dough-vals makes for the perfect autumnal inauguration.
The Bottom Line: 9 pink Shreks out of 10