Puppets? I hate puppets. They’re unnatural, uncanny facsimiles of reality that populate my personal hell alongside dolls and ventriloquist dummies—this is all your fault, R.L. Stine!

But Muppets? Okay, they’re cute and therefore get a pass. In fact, I like to think that every valiant Muppet is the sworn blood enemy of creepy puppets everywhere. Go ahead, try and find me a Muppet without forward-facing eyes. These felted folks are predators. Therefore, it is my gratitude toward the Muppets that’s inspired me to review Sesame Street’s two new cereals.

Or at least, that’s how I internally justify being a grown man writing about a breakfast product for young children.

These cereals, 1-2-3 Berry and C is for Cinnamon, are both on shelves now. But are they worth throwing on your Cookie Monster snapback and driving down your street for?

Sesame Street 1-2-3 Berry Cereal Review

On the latest episode of The Empty Bowl, my cohost Justin described Sesame Street 1-2-3 Berry Cereal as having a tip-of-your-tongue faintly fruity flavor—essentially La Croix Crunch. And that sentiment is totally accurate. Both these Sesame Street cereals are, by design, less sweet than your average cereal. The sugar content has been reduced to make this cereal and its numerous advertised vitamins more marketable to young kids.

On paper, this reduction doesn’t seem substantial (8g per serving with 1-2-3 Berry vs. 12g in Froot Loops), but it really impacts the taste. A less sweet fruity cereal isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. I’m grateful that the corn base in 1-2-3 Berry doesn’t intrude unpleasantly—I think the inclusion of corn bran makes the base grain a lot more dense and hearty. The light fruit kiss on top, then, can shine—albeit meekly and dimly—unobstructed.

Unlike a lot of licensed cereals, the fruitiness in 1-2-3 Berry doesn’t directly mimic any mainstream fruity cereals like Froot Loops or Trix. If anything, it’s closest to Boo Berry, in the sense that it’s fruited very generically, and about as subtly spectral as a ghost. The box art suggests blueberry and raspberry, but seeing those drawings while eating the cereal is like reading the plaque on an extremely abstract art piece splattered with red and blue paint archipelagoes.

This is all to say that your enjoyment of Sesame Street 1-2-3 Berry Cereal very likely corresponds with how you feel about La Croix. If you’re looking for the indulgent potency of a Fruit Gusher, this Street ain’t for you: Elmo and Abby’s cereal is for those (kids or otherwise) who prefer milder, more modest and restrained fruit cereals that can be munched mindlessly without melting any molars.

1-2-3 Berry succeeds in that sense of simplicity, simply because its base grain is an effectively neutral bedrock and the blueberry-ish / raspberry-esque taste is alright, although pretty forgettable.

The Bottom Line: 5.5 Big Bird vs. Toucan Sam kaiju battles out of 10

Sesame Street C is for Cinnamon Cereal Review

C is for Cinnamon is a lot cinn-pler to describe. There’s no need to guess any mystery ingredients, because it just tastes like lightly sweetened cinnamon atop, again, a pretty inoffensive toasted corn bran base.

Far from a Cinnamon Toast Crunch imitator, C is for Cinnamon ditches the thick powdery coating, instead featuring a cooked-in, golden-brown sort of cinnamon. It’s closer to a diet Cinnabon Cereal or Kashi’s Cinnamon French Toast Cereal. C is for Cinnamon isn’t all that exciting or innovative,  but it’s still easy to eat a whole bunch by the dry handful in the same way that a cow idly chews its cud.

Speaking of eating it dry, this recommendation goes for both Sesame Street cereals. They’re just so subtly flavored that adding milk tends to strip away the taste and leave behind tepid hunks of grain.

Ultimately, if you’re buying these for yourself or your kids, unless they’re real fruit fanatics, I’d recommend C is for Cinnamon over 1-2-3 Berry. Its appeal is more straightforward and universally agreeable, plus, what child wouldn’t prefer a letter-shaped cereal—with which they could spell “GROVER”, “LOVE”, or, of course, “FART”—to one that tries to teach them math problems?

The Bottom Line: 6 bowls of stone-ground marionette minestrone out of 10