Tag Archives: birthday cake

27

Aug. ’19

Review: Birthday Cake Froot Loops Cereal

Birthday Cake Froot Loops Cereal Review Box

Oof.

Ugh.

Yeugh, even.

Can I be real for a second? Wholly honest? I am sick of this sugar ring cereal “trend.” It’s lazy, it’s cheap, it’s boring, and it’s downright disrespectful to cereal fans excited for creative new spins on breakfast favorites. Kellogg’s is the primary offender here, spreading a plague of plodding fruity-ish riffs on the same vapid formula. It seems that ever since they got the cloyingly-hooped formula right with Pink Donut Cereal, they’ve been letting the idea decay and fester, with each imitative iteration outdoing its predecessor by dulling my taste buds even more—to the point where my sweet tooth has devolved into a salty tooth.

So even though Canada’s interpretation of Birthday Cake Froot Loops was pretty solid, every single American take on birthday cake for breakfast has flopped with the grace of a flip-flop stomping on Cookie Puss. So I had no excitement going into Kellogg’s stateside rendition of Birthday Cake Froot Loops—hence why I saved it for last out of all the new Kellogg’s Cereals.

Well, except for Baby Shark Cereal, whose upcoming review will likely be the same as this one, just simplified with epithets even a YouTube-loving child could understand. Continue reading →

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15

Feb. ’19

News: Two New(ish) Kellogg’s Cereals are Coming in May!

At some point, we’re going to reach terminal cereal redundancy.

It might not be until President Anthony T. Tiger is democratically elected as GRRR-and Crunch Chancellor in 2814 (rightfully usurping the callously crafted throne of the militaristic Cap’n before him), but I predict that someday, every cereal will exist, and originality will be an obsolete concept.

Carrot Cake Krispies? Pshh, they made that way back in 2083.
Unadorned Sponge Cake Toast Crunch? Surprisingly, that took General Mills (by then renamed Overly Specific Mills) ’til the mid-2400s.
And Honey Brunches of Oats Groundhogs & Waffles? Feels like they release that one every day!

Likely or not, the point of this prediction is that, until the last recesses of breakfast umami have been explored, there shouldn’t be too much reason to keep releasing the same cereals.

Case in point: Birthday Cake Froot Loops. A cereal that debuted in Canada for the country’s 150th anniversary in 2017, these formerly rosy rings now come in three colors that, while not birthday-themed in themselves, certainly seem like the type of thing a narcissistic Toucan Sam would serve at his own begrudgingly attended bash, to make everything color-code to his facial plumage. Continue reading →

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05

Jun. ’18

Review: Malt-O-Meal & Coldstone Creamery Birthday Cake Remix Cereal

Malt-O-Meal Cold Stone Creamery Birthday Cake Remix Cereal review box

Okay, here’s the scoop:

I’ve wanted to start out a review with “here’s the scoop” since I started this blog.

There, now that I got that out of the way, here’s the review:

Birthday Cake Remix is one half—alongside Our Strawberry Blonde—of a landmark partnership between Malt-O-Meal, classically known for their economy-sized cereal bags, not for their industry clout, and Cold Stone Creamery, a left-field ice cream chain with about as much breakfast aisle experience as Meow Mix.

Seriously, this is about as expected as Malt-O-Meal teaming up with Stone Cold Steve Austin to release “And That’s The Bottom Lime” cereal.

So not only does Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone’s Birthday Cake Remix open the door for other zany cross-category cereals in the future (I’m lookin’ at you, Insomnia Cookies), but it also opens my mouth.

For cereal to enter.

Because I’m ready to eat it now.

Continue reading →

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07

Mar. ’18

Review: Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp Cereal

New Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp Cereal Review Box

Happy Birthday, Cereal! I made you a milk-filled cake, invited your friends Oatmeal and Toaster Pastry, and even put up your favorite ring-shaped strea—

Wait, you’re telling me National Cereal Day doesn’t commemorate the birth of cereal: the moment so many years ago when a prehistoric oat plant miraculously popped out a Cheerio? Man, I went to the wrong Sunday school.

Regardless, I can’t let this National Cereal Day pass without reviewing something birthday cake flavored. It’s just too convenient that General Mills’ Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp arrived on my doorstep (thanks GM!) just in time for the big day. An odd duck—or at least a lone wolf—of a new cereal, Birthday Cake Cookie crips has ironically debuted with little fanfare or celebration. I was at least expecting a downtown NYC jubilee featuring a giant cookie-shaped cake that some B list celebrity would pop out of.

Now I’ll have to fulfill my dream of seeing Brad Garrett covered in buttercream some other way.

This cereal looks suspiciously similar to both 2009’s Sprinkles Cookie Crisp and 2016’s Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp, but until we get a proper revival of O.G. Vanilla Cookie Crisp—I’m talkin’ bearded Cookie Jarvis and all—I’ll happily give any cake, pastry, muffin, or even donut-flavored Cookie Crisp a try.

Continue reading →

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25

Dec. ’17

Review: Birthday Cake Rice Krispies Treats

Kellogg's Birthday Cake Rice Krispies Treats Review Box

Happy birthday, Jesus! I baked you a cake!

Well, okay, no I didn’t. I barely have enough culinary talent to make Chex Mix without my kitchen turning into an inferno of exploding pretzel kindling. I’m sure you could bake your own cake easily enough anyway—you won’t even need yeast, since you know so much about rising again.

But I did get you these new Birthday Cake Rice Krispies Treats, which are studded with fun rainbow sprinkles and all kinds of icing. I know loaves and fishes are more your thing, but hey: I think I’ve got some Wonder Bread and Parmesan Goldfish in the back.

So regardless of whether you reading this celebrate Christmas or not, let’s break out the wine and Krispies Treats and have a holly jolly day. Continue reading →

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