News: Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Cereal is Coming Soon!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Pebbles Cereal
This Pebbles news more than rocks: it’s a matter of gravel importance.

Okay, I know those mineral puns were more of a stretch than The Rock doing yoga, but something as momentous as Reese’s-flavored Pebbles cereal deserves elementary sedimentary humor.

Yes, Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles are soon to be the latest in Post’s Flintstones-fronted crisped cereal line. First reported by @markie_devo on Instagram, this news held water (and milk) once I discovered, by way of a strangely specific product release YouTube video, that news of this choco-nutty niceness has been hiding in plain sight on the web for 5 months! 

I blame myself for not finding it. My punishment will be self-flagellation with a fossilized Reese’s Nutrageous Bar.

This isn’t the first time Pebbles has dabbled in this two-tone brown field. 2011 saw the release of puffed Chocolate Peanut Butter Boulders, alongside Apple Cinnamon Boulders. And now that those boulders have finally eroded, we can enjoy them again.

While I’ve publicly stated my controversial feelings about Pebbles as overrated—they’re too airy to produce a wholesome crunch, let alone a hunger-satisfying meal—last year’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios were so good there’s no way I can contain my Brontosaurus-sized hype.

I hope I can find a box in a Jif-fy!

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Spooned & Spotted: Lucky Charms Cereal with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows

Though Starbucks’ infamous Unicorn Frappuccino is long dead and gone—presumably with technicolor Snozzberries growing from its fertilized burial grounds—the Jazzy-Solo-Cup-colored liquid’s namesake cryptid is still grabbing the cereal industry by the horn.

Just weeks after Kellogg’s confirmed the in-store release day (March 5th) of its Unicorn Cereal (formerly known as Unicorn Froot Loops when released abroad), and just days after Lucky Charms announced the planned obsolescence of its hourglass marshmallow, Instagram user @sydnee_alexandra stumbled upon this real-life unicorn at an HEB store: a box of unannounced Lucky Charms with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows!

Given that there’s still an hourglass on the box, and that these intricate equine marbits likely have more artifical color than a Dorito at a tanning salon, these Unicorns likely aren’t a permanent replacement.

But I sure hope they taste like cotton candy.

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Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch (2018)

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I’m feelin’ blue.

It’s a slow time for cereal. Now that the start-of-2018 blitzkrieg of new products has gone as stagnant as a soggy bowl of week old Corn Flakes, I don’t have as much to write about—so my apologies for the lack of updates.

Thankfully, Cap’n Crunch has heard our cries, and he’s brought back last year’s fan-favorite Blueberry Pancake Crunch. Coming from the same Limited Crunch-dition lineage as Sprinkled Donut Crunch and Orange CreamPop Crunch, it could be possible that BPC is here to stay.

Or should I say, it’s really…sticking around.

If you want to learn more about this cereal (while I wait for the Cap’n’s next edible adventure), you can read last year’s review here.

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News: Lucky Charms Retires Hourglass Marshmallow

Goodnight, sweet curvaceous and fluorescent prince.

Though the above tweet from Lucky Charms is needlessly cryptic, major news sources have confirmed the rumors: before long, the hourglass marshmallow will be disappearing from boxes of the much-loved oat and marbit cereal.

The good really do die young: introduced in 2008, the hourglass is actually the newest mainstay Lucky Charms marshmallow. And despite being very questionably recognizable as an hourglass, the marshmallow was redeemed by an awesome commercial campaign, in which it became a powerful talisman capable of controlling time itself.

The hourglass will be far from the coolest discontinued Lucky Charm marshmallow: that honor is shared by rainbow whales and keys that only revealed in milk.

Like a ten-year Snapchat streak about to expire, the hourglass’ early retirement raises many questions: is this part of General Mills’ war on artificial colors? Will we see popped balloons, waning moons, and an end of the rainbow in the near future? And most of all, what marshmallow will replace the hourglass?

Feel free to leave your marshmallow guesses below. I’m banking on a naturally colored magic sugar beet.

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News: Malt-O-Meal Debuts Cinnamon Dyno-Bites & Golden Honey O’s Cereals

Malt-O-Meal Cinnamon Dyno-Bites and Golden Honey O's Cereal

I have seen the way. The way of the bag.

For the first 99.9% of my life, I was a non-believer at best and a heretic at worst. I turned my precociously large nose up at jumbo bagged cereals like those from Malt-O-Meal, seeing them as bootlegs. Cheap imitations. The cereal equivalents of tofurkey. And to be fair, they often tasted like it, too, with the thick bag imparting a (possibly imagined) plasticly stale aftertaste.

But then I saw the light, through a messiah known as Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch. Recent readers will remember me singing hymns of praise for it just last month, and it’s because of DCBC that I’ve joined the cult of Malt-O-Meal: the Church of the M-O-M, Spoon, and Holy-Crap-That’s-Good, if you will.

So now that I hear Malt-O-Meal (and parent company Post) are releasing Cinnamon Dyno-Bites Cereal and Golden Honey O’s Cereal, I’m more confident that the 2-pound cereal bricks bags will be more than just repackaged Cinnamon Pebbles and Honey Oh’s (which have recently been reformulated to remove graham, much to the chagrin of fans everywhere and reviewers like me who can’t even find the darn stuff).

No, I’m near-certain that some M-O-Mtherly love will be sprinkled in these bags to make them unique, and I can’t wait to try them. For those unfamiliar with their antecedent cereals, Cinnamon Dyno-Bites is cinnamon-flavored micro-rice flakes (meaning they’re a great texturizing mix-in for Cinnamon Toast Crunch), while Golden Honey O’s are oat and corn rings stuffed with rice and honey (meaning they’re delightfully sticky-sweet but can shred your mouth like Cap’n Crunch piloting a 360-degree lawn mower.

If you’re looking for these cereals, they should be at Walmarts already. But if you can’t find them, brush up on the best of M-O-M in the mean time, I recommend mixing Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch with Cookies & Cream and passing out from a sugar crash. These new ones should be out by the time you wake up!

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Spooned & Spotted: All Shamrock Lucky Charms (2018)

St. Patrick's Day Lucky Charms 2018

Though it feels like only yesterday that I was straining eggnog through a stocking to craft an ultra-filtered holiday cocktail I call “St. Nick’s Knickers,” Lucky Charms is reminding me that St. Patrick’s Day is practically a Shamrock Shake away.

Because instead of releasing a strawberry-flavored, all heart marshmallow Lucky Charms variety for Valentine’s Day (that’s okay, General Mills. I’ll jsut eat a bowl of Conversation Hearts with milk, I guess), the cereal brand, still coming down from its Frosted Flakes sugar rush, has re-released its annual classic: All Shamrock Lucky Charms (which also comes in chocolate).

Spotted by reader Chris on Twitter, this year’s box reminds us that the good old Lucky design is back to stay, replacing the Fairly Odd Parents Adventure Time mascot who graced boxes all last year. And this design may be back to stay on a plaque above your mantelpiece, because, continuing General Mills’ recent theme of turning cereal boxes into playsets (which any action figure-savvy kid has been doing since the ’70s), this Lucky Charms box doubles as a build your own Leprechaun Trap.

It’s like Ghostbusters, if Slimer studied abroad in Ireland and wouldn’t shut up about it.

Thanks again to Chris for sharing the photo. If you have a cereal find of your own to share, new or just plain awesome, feel free to pass it along to our Submissions page for a chance to see it featured on the site!

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Review: Ideal Oats Oatmeal – 3 Flavors!

ideal-oats-oatmeal-review

Look, oatmeal is no one’s idea of ideal.

Sure, it’s healthy, wholesome, warm, nourishing, and all that jazz, but it’s also ugly. Those moist, lumpy, and occasional drippy beige chunks? Second only to canned tuna on my list of “tasty foods I’d swipe left on if Betty Crocker made a dating app.”

That’s why I’m giving props to Ideal Oats for trying to glamorize, or at least revolutionize, the classic breakfast with a face for radio. Billed as “Oatmeal, Reinvented,” Ideal Oats not only aims to help the fitness-conscious with 20g of protein per, but it also aims to overthrow the oatmeal aisle oligopoly of Apple Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar by bringing in never-before-seen flavors.

Needless to say, as someone whose recent exercise log primarily consists of long walks to the back of the grocery store to buy more Reese’s Cup coffee creamer, it’s the flavors that make most excited for this review.

All three cups featured below were sent to me by Ideal Oats, but I promise the freeness of the oats won’t influence my review. When it comes to peanut butter and bananas, I don’t lie: not after the infamous “Mario Kart PB&J Incident of 2008.”

I’m still finding tear-stained crumbs in my carpet. Continue reading

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Review: Grape-Nuts Trail Mix Crunch Cereal

Post Grape-Nuts Trail Mix Crunch Cereal Review

I’m not gonna lie to you: I don’t hit a lot of trails.

The Oregon Trail for PC? Sure. Trailer Park Boys reruns? Definitely? But any sort of wooded or, dare I say, forested path that requires physical exertion and appreciation for non-pixelated nature? Count me out.

That’s how dysentery starts.

But I’m still more familiar with fictional trails than being fit, which is why I won’t penalize Grape-Nuts Trail Mix Crunch for its box’s blatant lie. See, this stuff isn’t new: it’s just a rebrand of 5-year old cereal Grape-Nuts Fit—a fact Grape-Nuts itself confirmed on my Instagram.

Luckily, I never reviewed Grape-Nuts Fit before, so it won’t be redundant if I do so now. Plus this potent little brick of a cereal box weighs in at over 1 pound, which, given its size, makes it count as powerlifting every time I pour from it.

So let’s get fit(tin’ this stuff into my mouth)! Continue reading

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