Review: Kellogg’s Disney Moana Cereal with Island Marshmallows

Kellogg's Disney Moana Cereal Box

As I get older, I keep up with Disney news less and less: I’ve always preferred Chuck E. Cheese to Mickey when it comes to anthropomorphized rodents, anyway. That’s why before this review, I still had no idea what the upcoming Moana is going to be about. But thanks to a close friend of mine named Wick E. Pedia, I know the film’s about a Polynesian warrior princess who embarks on a nautical journey with the demigod Maui—played by none other than Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

Well, I guess that explains the boulder-sized, tattooed dude on the back of Kellogg’s new Moana Cereal box:

Kellogg's Disney Maui Cereal Box

Let’s look inside!

Kellogg’s is notorious for recycling the same shapes ad nauseum for their movie tie-in cereals: from Frozen Cereal to Captain America Cereal and Finding Dory Cereal, those same rounded squares—themselves repurposed from JIF Cereal—keep coming ’round again and again.

Kellogg's Disney Moana Cereal

But thankfully, Kellogg’s has debuted a new spiral shape for this cinematic breakfast. By “new,” I of course mean “newly stolen,” because every crunchy coil looks like a Cinnabon Cereal piece whose sweetly spiced powder coating was hit with an industrial flavor vacuum. I can’t say that I’ve ever actively wondered what a naked cereal piece looks like, but at least now I’ll have one heck of an anecdote to debut at the water cooler tomorrow.

Every sandy whirlpool has an impressively dense crunch and a pleasant, vanilla wafer-esque base flavor. Amongst other types of flour, this solid, biscuity base is made primarily from “degerminated yellow corn meal,” which, aside from triggering my spellcheck, sounds like the subtitle of Schwarzenegger’s next Terminator flick.

These blended flour swirls are glazed with buttered sugar goodness. This syrupy smack is neat and nostalgic at first, but its sweet kiss soon turns into an uncomfortably lingering hug, as it first glazes then plasters the back of my throat with cloying soybean oil. Eaten dry, Moana Cereal is very much like movie theater popcorn: fun to mindlessly munch, but if you’re not careful, a bit too buttery.

Kellogg's Disney Moana Cereal Marshmallows

Of course, the multigrain snail shells are only half the fun. Moana Cereal has three types of mini marbits, too: palm trees, suns, and blue stars. The suns and stars are uncreative color globs straight out of an amateur abstract art exhibit, but the gorgeous palm trees look like the mutant children of a pineapple and an eggplant.

I want to tattoo one on each of my knuckles and make Maui proud.

Kellogg's Disney Moana Cereal with Milk

The ‘mallows don’t taste exceptional when eaten dry, but when you add an ocean of milk to this already oceanic cereal, they suck the stuff up like delicious sugar sponges. Even Mr. SquarePants would be jealous of their porousness, and he’d probably want to live inside the eggplant–pineapple hybrid, too.

In fact, milk makes everything about Moana Cereal better. It dilutes the sticky glaze into a delightfully golden endmilk, and the combo of mushy marshmallows and dairy-soaked spirals tastes bizarrely like Christmas sugar cookies: indulgently granulated, creamily buttered, and twinkling with a vanilla gloss. Moana Cereal isn’t exactly revolutionary or terribly memorable, but it’s still Kellogg’s best movie cereal in years.

Kellogg's Disney Moana Cereal Maui Dwayne The Rock Johnson

Now, please join me in laughing at Maui’s comically zoomed in face.


 

The Bowl: Moana Cereal

The Breakdown: Like beached marine wildlife, Moana Cereal can’t truly thrive without milk. This won’t make anyone’s Top 10 Favorite Cereals list, but Moana Cereal’s summer aesthetic and holiday flavor make for a nice transition into winter.

The Bottom Line: 7 immediately cancelled episodes of “SpongeBob EggPlants” out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 120 calories, 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein per 1 cup serving)

 

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4 responses »

  1. Your close up pic of Maui is way too funny mate. I laughed hard… didn’t realize he looks like a PUP (pumped up pumpkin ;)).

    I’m glad Moana Cereal didn’t turn out to be one of the an Kelloggs at least tried something different with their “new movie tie-in” that seems to work out.

    Since the european version will most likely (i mean it’s already confirmed somehow) lack the best part… the marbits… i was – of course – most interested in the cereal pieces themselves.

    I had high hopes for the european version Frozen cereal, which of course comes without the marbits and consist of rice based cereal pieces with vanilla flavor. Since Vanilla is not the most (i mean not actually really existing) flavor among all the cereals here, it’s something new in the cereal aisle and i was really looking forward to it…. but in the end it turned out to be some slightly better rice krispies version with bigger cereal pieces that taste like a rice cracker with a tiny bit of vanilla in it. xD

    Long story short: I was really afraid the Moana cereal could turn out the same way, especially ’cause there are – again – no marbits in the european version.
    But reading the pieces have a corn base and a bisquit like taste, gives me a little bit of hope and i kinda look forward to try them (though our are honey flavored…). So: Thanks Dan for beeing so brave again and try the “new” cereal before me 😉

    btw: I already said it in Gabes video about the Moana cereal… they looks so stale and old without the cinnabon coating xD

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