Tag Archives: maple

Review: Maple Brown Sugar Chex

New Maple Brown Sugar Chex Review – Box

Dearest Corn,

Look, I know I’m probably the last person you want to receive a letter from. In fact, you probably called me a “mother-shucker” and popped a movie-theater-buttered blood vessel just seeing my name on the envelope. But I owe you an apology. Several, actually.

I’m sorry for blaming the death of the already undead Monster Cereals on you. I’m sorry for calling you “a starchy scourge that’s turned the cereal industry into a (literal) husk of what it once was.” And I’m sorry I double-dipped that tortilla chip in the guac when no one was looking.

Because the truth is, while, yes, 99% of modern cereals that use your milled flour as a base turn out to be terrible—as the flavors basted on top struggle to contend with your maize-y twang—there’s also another kernel of truth that says there are good corn cereals. In fact, there are corn cereals as outstanding in their field as the scarecrows that guard them. These mostly include those cereals that wear their corniness on their weathered flannel sleeves: the Corn Flakes, Corn Pops, and dearly departed Corn Bran Crunches of this world.

And yes, Corn Chex, too.

You see, I’ve noticed something: amongst all the endlessly reproducing Chex varieties, whose choices of base grain always seem arbitrary, the corn ones always trump the rice ones. Honey Nut Chex? Peanut Butter Chex? The likes of Blueberry and Apple Cinnamon are glass cannons of flavor-blasted blandness in comparison to you, corn, and your comparative golden-toasted heartland heartiness.

Now, Maple Brown Sugar Chex belongs amongst that elite Chexian Corps., too.

So here’s to you, corn. You’re a hull of a guy, after all. Continue reading

Review: Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes & Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes

New Frosted Flakes Cereal Boxes

Note: though Chocolate is included in this lineup of new boxes, I won’t be reviewing it here, since it’s unchanged. You can find my original review here.

Tony, my man. Can I call you Tony Baloney?

No?

How about Riga-Tony? Tonyboy? Tony Island Mile-High Chili Dogs?

Alright, fine, let’s just get down to business…Anthony. Fact of the matter is, I’m impressed. You’re really embracing your right brain lately. I know it can be tempting to trust your business sense and realize that you could probably finance the entire Frosted Flakes brand interminably just by cheaply chucking in new marbits and mixing together existing cereals. But as much of a smart tiger as you are, I can tell you’re truly an artist at heart. And an athlete, too—geez, no wonder the Twitter furries thirsted you off the platform: you’ve got it all!

You’re so creatively inclined that you decided to bless us with not one, but two twinkling new cereal flavors—and neither have chintzy, redundant marshmallows! Sure, my bar for being impressed by new cereals has limboed lower and lower over the past purgatorial half year of lazy cereal-smithing, but hey, I’m going to stay positive and tackle the Strawberry Milkshaked and Cinnamon French Toasted fruits of your labor with gusto. Continue reading

Review: Eggo Maple Waffle Pop-Tarts & Apple Fritter Pop-Tarts

New Maple Eggo Pop-Tarts Review & Apple Fritter Pop-Tarts Review Boxes

Edible trading cards.

That’s what I’ve been calling Pop-Tarts for years, and it only feels more accurate the wackier these little pastries get. I mean, think about it: foil wrapping, colorfully zany designs, printed fun, mysteries, and different attack formations (plain, toasted, frozen).

What, you’re telling me you’ve never crammed your Blue-Eyes White Dragon in the toaster? No wonder you’ve lost touch with the Heart Tart of the Cards.

Anyway, Kellogg’s latest P-T booster pack boasts some heavy hitters: Eggo Frosted Maple, Apple Fritter, and Boston Creme Donut (which I was tragically unable to track down). Let’s let these first two duel it out on the battlefield of my palate, and see who ends up with more life points (spoiler alert, but after eating this many Pop-Tarts, it certainly won’t be me). Continue reading

Review: RXBar Oatmeal (4 Flavors!)

RX Oats Review

I admit it: I’m a fraud.

See, I often claim that this is a blog about “cereal, Pop-Tarts, and oatmeal,” but I haven’t written a word about oatmeal since mid-2018—let alone other hot cereals. Sorry, Cream of Wheat, but I just don’t think we’re going to work out.

There are a couple reasons for my oatmeal abstinence. Logistically, I both don’t hear about new oatmeals often, plus in the breakfast aisle it’s way harder to notice new oatmeal varieties, since brands like Quaker will use the same box design with small element swaps.

But more importantly, I simply can’t get as excited about new strains of oatmeal as I can about new cereals. Oatmeal just lacks the crunch, potency, and childlike goofiness that makes cereal so fun—and don’t even get me started on how hard it is to take an attractive picture of beige mush. Like a school photographer, I find myself grimacing through the steamed-up lens, thinking “Oh. Great. You’re looking, so…eager,” as my oatmeal slogs its way through the $100 picture package its parents paid for.

Aesthetic tepidity aside, oatmeal is back in a sleek and minimalistic way with these RX A.M. Oats cups. Armed with four cutely cupped flavors—Chocolate, Apple Cinnamon, Maple, and Vanilla Almond—I’m here to take some moist glamour shots and see if these high-protein, low-ingredient cups can stand oat-to-oat with the feeble Quaker guy and his flimsy packets. Continue reading

Review: Eggo Chocolate Waffle Cereal

New Chocolate Eggo Cereal Review Box

French toast? One iconic cereal.

Pancakes? Like, half of one cereal.

But waffles? Well they’ve got a whole father, son, & holy ghost type deal going on. Not to mention whatever divine misfire spawned this unsettlingly charming abomination. Yes, waffles are king of the bowled maple breakfast game, probably because they’re a) the most iconic, b) easy to translate into aerated cereal form, and c) the word “waffle” is just infinitely more fun to say. Waffle. Waffle.

It’s like I’m a dog asking to be thrown a whiffle ball!

Since waffles are so (w)awfully awesome, it’s no surprise that we’re getting a third entry into the rebooted Eggo Cereal franchise. Joining Homestyle Maple and Blueberry, Eggo Chocolate Waffle Cereal seems a bit strange when compared to the obvious Chocolate Chip Waffle Cereal they could’ve done, though I suppose I shouldn’t complain that we’re getting 100% chocolate immersion with this one. Or should ? That remains to be seen, tasted, and casually belched as I pat my soon-to-be cereal-swollen stomach.

Enough talk. L’Eggo! Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Waffle Crisp Returns to the U.S.

Jeez, what a drama queen.

…is what I said to myself upon hearing the news that Waffle Crisp, discontinued in 2018, was returning to American shelves. Less than a week ago, I penned an overdramatic elegy for Waffle Crisp, believing I may have just taste tested one of the last produced boxes of the stuff in Mexico—where it seemingly never really got discontinued in the first place.

Honestly, it was a cathartic exercise of closure, and Post had to go ruin the moment’s beauty by pulling a deus ex machina, bagging up a bunch of Waffle Crisp, and shipping it out. I’m kidding, of course: I’m genuinely very excited that Waffle Crisp will have wide availability again. These bags have already been spotted at Walmart, and you can check their site for availability near you.

However, I will warn you that this newly returned Waffle Crisp appears to be the same as the Mexican edition—in fact, those didn’t even have Spanish boxes. Just stickers over the English text. What that means is, it’s probably gonna taste a bit different from what you remember. In my experience, this strain of Waffle Crisp emphasizes the buttery and toasted elements of a waffle more so than the maple bits. This is still good, mind you, but if your nostalgia trip feels a little off, that’s probably why.

My thanks to Cereal Life and Michael for the photographic evidence.

Review: Waffle Crisp from Mexico!

Waffle Crisp from Mexico Review Box

In every romance movie with a tense post-high school breakup, there must be a cautiously sublime reunion in adulthood, where things feel good, but not quite right. There’s too much history at that point: inevitable comparisons are drawn, so much time has been lost, there are uncomfortable questions and unexpected answers.

Anyway, that’s how I feel about tasting Waffle Crisp again for the first time in over two years, when it was officially discontinued by Post following a long period of limited availability. I’ve heard rumors and nuggets of truth for a while now indicating that Waffle Crisp was still available in other countries, but it was hard to find conclusive answers when so many online stores list the stuff without actually having it available for purchase. But after noodling around the web so much in pursuit of my long-lost golden dream, I had to bite the short stack when I noticed Mexican Candy Lady only had one remaining box of Waffle Crisp from Mexico—she does not appear to have restocked recently so I worry this really was my last chance and Waffle Crisp’s last gasp.

But no matter, there’s no need to stay steeped in the past when I can still go face-first into this bowl of bite-sized waffles. New Year’s kisses are sweeter with syrup, after all. Continue reading

Review: Quaker Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares

Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares Cereal Review Box

This review is a long time coming. In fact, it’s been brewing in my brain since before this blog was even a glimmer in my temporal lobe.

First things first: I’m a lifelong maple cereal mark, born and bred. I mean, my blood is practically golden syrup’d cereal milk—which is why I bring a satchel of leeches to Denny’s. It might not’ve been the very first cereal to spark a journalistic interest in the stuff (that title, incidentally, goes to Cinnamon Honey Bunches of Oats), but Waffle Crisp nevertheless is one of the foundational cereals whose never-fading nostalgic spirit drives Cerealously to this day. Seriously: eau de Waffle Crisp is a fragrance so potently sentimental, physicists are considering it as theoretical time machine fuel.

And though Waffle Crisp is gone—at least for now, I weep to myself—granularly analyzing other maple cereals still gets me through the day. From modern classics and bold pairings to the genre’s lower lights, I’ve used just about every relevant adjective in the book to describe the breakfast aisle’s ever-shifting forest of maple tastes both authentic and sweetly synthetic. But ever since I first saw it on the side of my Brown Sugar Oatmeal Squares, one mythic maple cereal has eluded me.

Until now. See, I was always convinced that Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares was an antiquated, discontinued variety that Quaker forgot to take off the boxes of the line’s other three flavors. I searched and searched for years, even bookmarking Quaker’s product locator to no avail. But after Justin and I discussed the stuff’s scarcity during Episode Thirty-One of The Empty Bowl, a number of listeners confirmed that the stuff is still sold in stores—albeit only in very specific regional areas. One listener, Brooke from Wisconsin, was kind enough to send us both boxes to try.

So with my decade-old mission drawing to a close, one question remains: are Golden Maple Oatmeal Squares worth the long-fermented hype? Continue reading