Author Archives: dan g.

Spooned & Spotted: Kellogg’s Frozen Cereal (2016)

IMG_0522Really? Another movie cereal with oat pieces and marshmallows? I understand the desire to stick to traditions, but c’mon, Kellogg’s, can’t you just…let it go?

I apologize if I’ve made that awful joke before, but to be honest, I’ve never seen Frozen, so any jokes I make about it will have to be based off of that single song I know from the movie. I guess when it comes to that particular joke, I just can’t let it go.

Someone please stop me.

And while many cereal aisle regulars know that Frozen cereal has been around for awhile, these new boxes are a little bit different. The original cereal only contained blue and white snowball marshmallows (which Kellogg’s later reused in Froot Loops with Winter Blast Marshmallows, because when it comes to that style of marshmallow, they just couldn’t…you know where I’m going with this).

But this new box (the two images above are from a single box with different images on each side) that I say at Kroger also features swirling blue and purple snowflake marshmallows!

I don’t know if cosmetically different marshmallows will be enough to breathe new life into this cereal line, which also uses the same shape for its oat pieces as Jif cereal (maybe there’s hope for a peanut butter and jelly and marshmallow fluff cereal?). But what I do know is that the addition of “new marshmallows” instantly makes me think of this classic Simpsons scene.

If you’d like to see your picture or thoughts featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post, click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

 

Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca: Shrek Cereal and “Cereal of the Month”

Stop right there, dear reader!

Stop and check yourself!

You better check yourself before you…Shrek yourself!

And why is that? Because we would hate for you to miss the latest two entries in cereal maven Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series. His videos have more layers of fun and nostalgia than an onion, a cake, and an ogre combined!

The first video we’d like to share details the rich and marshmallowy history of Shrek branded cereals. And while our days of seeing new movies featuring this ogre may be over, it’s fun to look back at just how many cereals he’s had his name attached to.

From the standard oats and marbits mix to a box of particularly green bootleg Froot Loops, Shrek has had some pretty appetizing cereals…which is surprising for a character who bathes in the swamp!

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Review: Batman vs. Superman Cereals

IMG_1269There’s a war going on, cereal fans. A war on breakfast!

And no, I don’t mean the ongoing blood feud between Pop-Tarts and Toaster Strudel (though the latest news is that Kaiser Doughboy is attempting a surprise attack on a troop of Frosted Blueberry pastries just east of the toaster).

No, this new battle is one of superheroic proportions. Just in time for the upcoming Batman vs. Superman movie, DC Comics (which I can only assume stands for Delicious Cereal) has licensed a new cereal for each of the famous combatants.

Don’t ask me why, but Superman was bestowed the power of “Caramel Crunch,” while Batman pulled “Chocolate Strawberry” out of his utility belt. Which will be the hero of your tastebuds? Let’s wait for the artificially flavored smoke to clear and find out!

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Review: Smorz Cereal (2015)

IMG_1258Do you see that, cereal fans?

“We asked for it,” and “It’s back!!”

With not one, but two—count ’em—two (2) exclamation points! That’s how you know Kellogg’s means business. We’ll just forget the part where s’mores are a traditional summer treat and the ice on my driveway just made me slip head over heels like Charlie Brown kicking a football.

But who can be upset when Smorz, one of the most-missed discontinued cereals, is back? Well, maybe fans of S’Mores Crunch (keep dreaming, friends).

Do Smorz hold up to the not-too-distant memories we have of them? Memories of the early 2000s that are filled with Backstreet Boys CDs, post-Y2K relief, and American Idol viewing parties? Let’s find out! Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Kung Fu Panda 3 Po Power Crunch Cereal

IMG_0459Thought #1: There have been three Kung Fu Panda movies now?

Thought #2: Wait, this is just bootleg Cocoa Puffs with marshmallows? Don’t we owe an ass-kicking panda more than that for saving our asses from all manner of cartoon animal villainy?

Thought #3: For that matter, what do marshmallows that look like Shine Sprites have to do with Kung Fu Panda (the other marshmallows are panda heads and what appear to be yin yang symbols)?

Thought #4: What do normal people do on New Year’s Eve instead of standing in Walmart and making Nintendo references?

Thought #5, ten minutes later during the car ride home: Wait. Why didn’t they just call them Po-coa Puffs?

If you’d like to see your picture or thoughts featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post, click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Chocolatey Caramel Pop-Tarts

IMG_1251 (1)Pop! Pop! Pop!

Can you hear it? No, it’s not the sound of tomorrow New Year’s Eve fireworks and party poppers. And no, it’s not your grumpy midwestern cousin who insists that it isn’t called “soda.”

It’s the sound of Kellogg’s wild and wonderful Pop-Tart-O-Matic, which has been eagerly popping out new flavors directly into our hungry mouths faster than we can say, “Wait, a serving size is one pastry?” Yesterday we covered the new-but-actually-secretly-from-the-late-’90s Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts, and today it’s time for a more straightforward flavor: Frosted Chocolatey Caramel.

Don’t worry, there won’t be any cross-contamination between the two: I made sure my toaster brushed his teeth first.

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Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts

IMG_1247Christmas is less than a week behind us. Even though snow is still falling, tacky wreaths are still hanging, and leftover stuffing is still being refrigerated, Kellogg’s just released what might be their summeriest Pop-Tart yet (wait, “summeriest” is really a word? Saying it out loud makes me feel like a kindergartener who got vocabulary lessons from a slurring, drunken pirate).

They’re Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts, and even though this flavor existed way back in the ancient 1990s (doesn’t that picture look like something out of a bootleg Zoombinis game?), the nearly two decades between its appearances has nevertheless made this flavor pop up in the headlines of clickbait articles everywhere: “4 INSANE New Pop-Tart Flavors You’d be CLINICALLY INSANE to Try!”

But is it true? Will this flavor have me starring in One Chewed Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? Or will it be no zanier than Wild Grape Pop-Tarts? It’s time to stuff my toaster, stuff my face, and tell you all about this stuff. Continue reading

Review: Kellogg’s Jif PB&J Cereal

IMG_1242Let me tell you a story, dear readers. The story of PB&J cereal.

Introduced by Quaker in the late ’80s, PB&J featured light brown peanut butter puff pieces accompanied by light magenta jelly puffs. Rumor has it that it only reached isolated test markets, and other conspiracy theorists doubt whether it existed at all.

Either way, what we do know is that PB the explorer and his canine pal J, the mascots of PB&J cereal, are now mysterious relics of cereal lore, and they have long left fans of the famous grade school lunch sandwich wishing for a cereal with the same flavor.

But now, Kellogg’s is hoping to satisfy the cravings of PB&J nuts with this brand new cereal. It’s Jif PB&J, and it combines Jif peanut butter pieces with strawberry jelly puffs. So allow me to pretend I’m in 4th grade again, as I open my crinkling bag to review this hopefully nostalgic treat.

(Man, Kellogg’s really missed an opportunity by not packaging it in brown paper lunch bags.) Continue reading