I remember a simpler time. A time we call…elementary school.
Back in those days of yore, the lunchroom took upon its own savage ecosystem, with rivaling table kingdoms each simultaneously isolated in their rituals and customs but also warring and bartering with neighbors. Within each kingdom was a long-developed economy of trade, in which treats brought from home carried value that could only be priced in terms of other foods. And like a real economy, these values were ever-fluctuating.
But there was one processed snack that never deviated in its worthiness as edible currency: Fruit Roll-Ups.
While a plastic baggie of half-crumbled cookies may have been worth 3 pre-packaged fruit cups one day and nothing but stale graham crackers the next (after the crash of the unpredictable schoolyard stock market on Oreos, most likely), Fruit Roll-Ups were the gold standard. They never failed to attract the attention of brown paper bag-toting snack brokers everywhere.
And now? They’re going Halloween! Continue reading
